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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pablito
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15 Public Reviews Given
15 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Teenager  Open in new Window.
Review by Beatrice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
ah, i wanted to read more about your evolving life.

you should write more. it's quite good.
2
2
Review of soulmates  Open in new Window.
Review by Beatrice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
interesting . . . i'd like to read more of the same or another topic.
3
3
Review of Carrot cupcakes  Open in new Window.
Review by Beatrice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
how neat. i generally don't care for poetry, but yours is good. like how you began each line with the previous line's last word.

keep it writing.
4
4
Review of Another Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Beatrice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
neat story. creative. could use shorter sentences.

after reading the story a 2nd time, it made more sense.

5
5
Review by Beatrice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

09-18-12


your "ad" could use shorter sentences. by the time i grasped one idea, the sentence wasn't finished. i somewhat forgot the first selling point.

personally, i'm not too crazy or intrique about the shop's name. somewhat corny.

rethink "five years." it must be an amazing store to have racked up that much in sales/awards/customer service, etc., during that short period of time.

redo title. "Finally Open For Business," makes me think that you've had many obstacles. That things weren't planned out.


Good luck.

Pablito.
6
6
Review of Love and Lust  Open in new Window.
Review by Beatrice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
i think you should soften up on the edges throughout the poem.

keep on writing
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pablito