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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/paleololigo
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5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Templar's Escape  Open in new Window.
Review by Penny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was interesting to read. Clearly, you have read a bit on the history of the Templars. (Of course, I haven't, so you could have made up all that history and I would never know.)

There are grammatical errors in here that are distracting. You frequently use 'their' instead of 'there.' Some of your descriptions and dialogue are also very 21st-Century, which distracts from the 14th-Century theme of the story.

I would really like to know the backstory between Cane and Umatchi. Also, why does Umatchi call Cane 'Erinym?'

I felt like there could have been more detail and backstory in general, but still, it was an enjoyable read. Keep going!

~Penny
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Review of Medieval Midtown  Open in new Window.
Review by Penny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
That was fun to read. I'm curious to know what happens. Part of me thinks this is just the vivid fantasy of a nerdy kid, from which he'll awake soon. The other part of me thinks that this could be the beginning of an epic adventure with an unlikely hero.

The only difficulty I had was in understanding where the purple clouds were. I thought initially they were in the sky, but it seems they were close to the ground? Were the clouds focused only around the fissure in the street, or did they go all the way up to Tucker's 10th floor apartment? Also (and maybe it's not important) it's not clear how many more floors he had to climb to get to the roof.

All-in-all, this was a fun read. Keep going.

~Penny
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