This is a nice story, about you and your grandfather. However, there is room for improvement, and I'd like to pont them out to you.
Firstly, when someone is speaking, they always start a new paragraph.
Secondly, try not to overuse words.
Third, I have written some spelling and grammar errors for you to check;
track he asks me -asked
I laughed and replied - laugh and reply
cow eat the cabbage - either cows eat cabbage or cow eating cabbage
arrogance asking him - asked
ben gay -capital B and G
........Boy"! - small b
made up fro -for
get too - to
If you make the changes this will turn from a nice story to a good and heartwarming one.
Keep writing and welcome to WDC
Pammi
This is a good story. I liked the twist at the end. I have a couple og suggestions for you.
Sally grew panicked- (Sally's panic grew)
Two-Blade deep - Blade's
over the the register (to the)
]You also need to watch your paragraph spacing. There are a couple of places where you have a line spacing where there shouldn't be one.;
These are just my opinions, and you can use them or not it's up to you, however the typos should be changed.
Keep writing
Pammi
Welcome to WDC. I have read your poem, and although it seems good, I'm afraid I'm unable to comment, becaue I don't know very much about this type of verse. I prefer rhyming poetry myself. I'm sure someone will be along to give you a proper review for it some time.
Keep writing
Pammi
This is a good poem. A lot said in few words. Can I ask though, if you felt like you couldn't live up to people's expectations, why in the poem are you asking them to mold you, control you etc.?
Keep writing
Pammi
I liked this story of a boy using his imagination. The dialogue between mother & son is very realistic. There are a couple of typos which I've listed below:
grim(e) with
He broke into a (?) again.
dropped to (the) curb
going to (be) really mad
I have filled in all of the above questions. I found this survey quite interesting, and it gives the impression that this group is serious and professional. I hope I'm given permission to join.
This is a great start to what I feel will be a very good story. You have built the main character well, and the plot is engaging. I'm now left wondering who is the indian? what is the meaning behind his dreams. I feel that this is a clever way to leave the reader wanting more. Well done.
Keep writing
Pammi
This is an interesting story. It pulls you in, and leaves you wondering what was going to happen next. You could make it longer if you wanted by writing about what happened to Stacey after she purchased the ring. You could also write about wether the ring did stay with her or disappear like the woman said it might. All these are just suggestions IMO.
Keep writing
Pammi
Having grown up children, and also two Labradors, I can relate completely to what you have written! You cover every emotion felt with being the @parent' of both the children and the dogs. Even though my children have now left home, I still say to my husband at least once a week, that having two 2 year old dogs, is worse than having children of the same age!.
A good write
Write on
Pammi
Humorous, imaginative and well written. I think most women can relate to the idea of a pair of shoes that we absolutely have to have. Great writing and congratulations.
Pammi
This is a lovely, heartwarming story. It has good flow, and your imagery makes it easy for the reader to see the characters.
I have pointed out below 1 typo, and a couple of places where I think very slight changes would make it even better.
Write on
Pam
She’s taken care of - She'd
about on her own business - remove 'on'
tables with white (table) cloths draped - remove 'table' where marked
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I liked this story of a boy using his imagination. The dialogue between mother & son is very realistic. There are a couple of typos which I've listed below: