What a beautiful place to be. Thank you for the window onto a place I doubt I will ever visit, but am glad to know something of. You inspire me to consider writing something similar after one of my trips to someplace out-of-the usually-ordinary.
That is what is so pleasantly different about your article. It is not a travelogue about a non-touristy location, it is a personal perspective on a place that obviously has struck a chord with you and stayed with you. More places should be so described.
I do wish I could have learned more about the way a day might have been spent. For example, did you make your own breakfast or buy it? Did you visit and share meals with others? Were there festivals or community parties? Did any of the other inhabitants have stories to share about their lives? That sort of thing, providing a window to the people as well as the place.
What a story, Darius. With all the "how-tos" and quick schemes out there, this is particularly a chilling scenario. Nicely done.
I do have a couple of suggestions, however? Take them as you wish. First, I wonder if the protagonist might be as receptive to such a "how-to" at the young age of 22. It seems to me and if memory serves (at my older age at least) that until about the age of 28 at least or so, younger folks think they can succeed at just about anything;that is, even with 100 rejections in their box, they are certain that the 101st submission will be accepted. Have you considered making John perhaps 30ish or so, to make him more jaded and cynical?
That also might work toward another comment I have, about all his characters. The older he is, the more characters he would have set aside in the shredder, and the more time between his first "great" work that he should have finished and never did.
Finally, a small comment on the two different "spooky voices." On the one hand you have this chilling tape, which works so very well. On the other hand you have the voices of his cast-aside characters. I think if you want to draw a picture of a writer trapped in the maddening throes of his craft, using both certainly work well together. However, here, I felt like suddenly the diabolical nature of the tape was temporarily pushed aside in lieu of suddenly having his characters haunt him, and to me they seemed to have nothing to do with each other. And then suddenly the tape was back. I might suggest strengthening the story with the tape and its purpose, and using the characters as a secondary subplotted "trap" within that larger chilling sequence.
All in all though, nicely done in a "Twilight Zone-ish" feel, which I very very much enjoy. Keep it up!
Nice little twisty story here. It works nicely, considering how often we find life imitating art, and art imitating life.
I thik I would have liked to know a bit more about how your protagonist remembered the story well enough to work it out, after having her backups taken. Maybe it's just me, but I think after all that happened to her after the police worked over everything, I might have either forgotten about it and tried something else, or, I would have had notes left someplace I could find to start over.
Or--maybe i missed something and she was involved all along? ;)
What an evocative story this is. And I appreciate learning something about a man I had never heard of before reading this article. I love the Western US, and have vacationed in the Badlands, Bryce and Zion Canyons, and the Rockies, in both summer and winter. We have visited some of the old mining towns, and I often wondered what it might have been like to have to rely on the commitment and passion of men such as "Snowshoes." My only reservation on this is that I would have liked to have a "look" into an actual personal and direct incident. He sounds like such a paragon, I want to see him more in dialogue and action. For example, what kinds of stories did he tell people. How did he actually rescue those pioneers? Did he ever face weather or creature or situation he could not overcome?
Anyway, thank you for the tale!
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