An interesting poem that I enjoyed although at the same time struggled with. I understand it's free verse but perhaps you've let yourself go a bit too much there. Parts of it become confusing and the reader gets lost. Other than that you have some great ideas and imagery it just needs a little work. Keep it up I'd love to read it when it's done.
Thank you for sharing this amazing poem it really touched me. Congratulations on reaching 39 years, that is amazing. I really did enjoy reading this as I do a lot of your work. I love your occasional repitions and subtle descriptions of your husband. You paint a beautiful picture.
My favourite part: "You always ask of me, never demand,I know by the way you stroke my hair,"
I find that often short poems tend be ineffective as a lot of writers struggle to get across their meaning in such a short poem.
However your poem is the total opposite. The fact that it is short doesn't mean it loses its impact. It's short and yet beautifully poignant at the same time. However I would work on some of your grammer and perhaps seperate some of your sentences so that they are clearer.
My favourite part: "And when I breathe you in the air will never smell so sweet."
I'm quite speechless and I'm so sorry you feel this way. You have really expressed yourself so well in this poem that the reader can almost feel your emotions and the urge to open the bottle. Your poem on the whole is great and I love your imagery and occasional questions.
On a more personal note: I've been suicidal before and it is the worst feeling any one can endure. I am so sorry and send my greatest sympathy. If you ever feel like talking, just drop me an e-mail. Hang in there.
Thank you for sharing this interesting poem. I enjoyed it although i think you could work on it more and improve it as it has a lot of potential. Perhaps don't repeat road in the second stanza as I'm sure the readers will still understand what you are referring to. Other than that I think it is soundly written and though provoking. Keep it up!
This is a stunning poem that really moved me and left me still and thoughtless. You give an interesting perspective on friendship and give a good idea about its complicated facets. Thank you for sharing such a poignent poem!
My favourite part: "He only recoiled in fear-
He backed away from my crumbling figure."
I absolutely love this! I laughed my way through this incredibly hilarious poem and was disapointed when it evetually ended. lthough it is for children I thin a t of adults can also appreciate the humour ad it is also well written. You've used rhyme very well. Thanks for writing this bcause I'm going to print it for my three year old brother and I just know he'll love it!
This is such a sweet, beautiful and moving poem. I really loved it and the images you create of two friends sitting together drinking tea and sharing experiences. Thank you for sharng such a special poem and I'm sure, if you give it to your friend, they will treasue it.Keep up the great writing!
My favorite part: "I will climb mountains for you,
I can sing you to sleep."
This is an incredibly moving and touching piece of poetry that left me with so many thoughts and questions. i wish more people would write pieces like this which actually give hope yet at the same time have a slighlty cynical tone. Keep writing!
My favourite part: "And every day’s a good day
To lose yourself in others."
Thanks for sharing ts beautiful and thougt provoking poem. I love the way your tone changes and the imagery becomes brighter towards the end. You have really given the idea of what you were going through and what the beach looked like. Keep it up!
My favourite part: "The foamy waves are full of energy,
This joyful exotic prize is all mine."
Thank you for sharing such unique poem. I was honestly quite surprised buy it, especially the question you pose at the end. It is short yet the fact that it's short doesn't mean it loses it's strong impact. I found it also made me question my life as it is quite thought provoking.
Hmmm. An interesting poem with an interesting choice of subject matter. I think it has a lot of potential if you worked on it a bit. I found certain parts confusing and you need to check you spelling for "loveing" it has no 'e.' Other that that I think it's a good start. Keep it up!
This is amazing! Well done! Even though it is so short it still creates a profound impact. You have also created some great images and have a strong sructure. I would love to see this poem continued and perhaps made longer as it has the potential to be a five stars. Keep it up!
My favourite part: "releasing the pent up storm in an exasperated downpour"
Thanks so much for this article. I really think that it is going to help a lot of people and it's nice to get a personel point of view. You're right, it is really nerve wracking when it comes to publishing but I think this article will ease a lot of the nerves. You've certainly given me some confidence. Thanks again!
This poem is really well written but I do think it could be changed in certain places as it has the potential for a five star rating. Some of your lines are really long and leaves the reader lost. Breaking them up could give them more impact. Howver I do think you have created some really poewrful images.
My favourite line: "The sadness inside infests my eyes;"
I think this is an enjoyable poem with a lot of potential. Your repition of the line: "I am run down" gives it a nice flow as does the ryhmn scheme however you break that flow with the last line which jolts the reader to a stop. However I think if you work on it a bit more this could be a really powerful piece as you have song very strong images and emotions. Keep it up!
I think this is really a powerful poem and you have done a great job expressing your emotions. I was really moved. I found your reference to "Supermarket Jam" interesting and the inages you conjured up intersting to. This poem has a lot of energy which most people would be unable to create and a great rhymne scheme. Keep it up!
I think this is a great poem which has a lot of potential. I really think you should continue with this poem and perhaps make this piece you already have as part of the poem as a stanza. However even though it is short it is still a very effective piece and that is why I think you should take it further. I love your line "Listen to stillness, and watch dreams appear." Very poignent. Keep it up!
This poem is so simple and that is what makes it so incredibly powerful and thought provoking. I can not relate to this because war hardly effects me but it was really interesting to read to see how it effects other people. Your last stanza is a very fitting conclusion and sums up your poem nicely. I found this incredibly moving.
Firstly thank you for allowing us readers to experience your experience through your poem. It an incredibly powerful piece of writing that left me feeling sad and thoughful. Nothing like this has ever happened to me so it was interesting to get a point of view on it. This man's death must have been quite shocking. In terms of your writing you have great technical ability and the poem is very well written. Keep it up!
wow. This is a very pwerful and deep song. Your questions about what a child hould or shouldn't have to deal with are very thought provoking and emotional. I would love to see this song continued even though it does appear to be qute long. This is a wonderfully written piece and you must have a lot of talent to create something like this. Now that I've reviewed a piece of yours I would appreciate it if you reviewed a pieceof mine. Keep it up!
A very different and interesting poem. I enjoyed reading it an can relate to your feelings as well. however I feel your line "For an emotional crisis his instant message was the cure" does not make to much sense and maybe should be modified. Try shorten it or even seperate it. On this whole I believe it is a short but poignent poem. Now I've reviewed one of your works I'd appreciate it if you could read one of mine. Kepp it up!
This item really moved me. I don't really know quite what to say. It is an incredibly emotional, energetic piece and the final line is very poignent. However I do believe you could develop this piece more and maybe make it longer. It's so powerful that one really wants to be able to read on and then the piece ends. On the whole it's really great! Kepp up the writing!
A very powerful poem and so sad too. I must admit I can relate to what you are going through. I have a lot offriends yet none I could ever truly rely on. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this as you capture the emotions so very well of some one who is lonely. Isn't it funny how you can ave all the friends in the world yet still be lonely? Great poem keep it up!
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