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***In line one; a comma should be placed after the word "hovering" and again after the word "sight". As I recall from comma sense a couple of years ago, comma's surround a portion of a sentence that could be removed and have it still make sense and be a complete sentence.

***This line is slightly contradicting; "they were empty save for the lone, bundled-up figure of a man ambling up Chartres Street in the French Quarter." If the lone man was ambling up a street, wouldn't that still make the orb empty? Maybe the orbs were empty and there was no-one in sight aside from the lone figure? Just something there that doesn't work quite right.
I also 'think' there should be a comma prior to the word "save", in both instances in this section. (You may wish to double check this, but I believe so.)

***A comma is needed where indicated, as you are using two descriptive words for the same object. "thick, black scarf"

***You wrote; "Redshank only moved to once in a while bring a flask of whiskey to his chapped lips." I had to read this line over once or twice to sort it out. If you moved the word "to" from where it is to right after the word "while", it would read a little smoother. It might also read better if you changed "once in a while" to "on occasion" or something similar.

***Here, "He was about to head down and to defuse the bomb when the moonlight finally went out. suddenly disappeared from view. (OR) when the moonlight finally blinked out.." I have three suggestions. First, add a comma after the word "bomb" The other two are marked in the sentence for you to consider.

***See suggested change in the following part; "armored and helmeted helmed"

As a last suggestion or two, I truly believe this is an excellent story, and it would benefit tremendously if you were to consult a thesaurus to aid you in using a wider array or wording, so as not to repeat the same words quite as often. At times, it just feels a bit repetitive with word choices. I notice the use of some un-needed wording as well. In some area's, you could combine sentences, while using a thesaurus producing more powerful statements to eliminate using so many "the", "and", "he" and "his" words.

Lastly, There are scenes where you paint a fairly vivid image in the readers mind with descriptive wording, making it feel like the reader is there in the scene, seeing it for themselves. But, at other times, you relay it as if you are "telling" us what things appear to be from your view. So maybe just a tad bit of brushing up on the presentation of the "showing the reader" subject.

Hello Sewcrazy Again 🤗 , Patrece here, dropping by with a Power Review of your item; "Saving Maximus" .

***In my humble opinion, I think the first and third sentences would complement each other nicely, if combined into the same paragraph at the beginning of the story, and the wording smoothed out just a tad for good flow and imagery. For example: in line one you have "It is sixty-two days into Belle's pregnancy. She has been doing great and putting on the weight." Then in the third sentence you have "She is beautiful and watching her waddle around the house is just too funny. She loves having her big belly rubbed often."
What if you were to combine them something like this? "It is sixty-two days into Belle's pregnancy. She's been progressing great and her weight gain is right on target. It's been a riot watching as she waddles around the house and seeing that cute round belly exposed, when she rolls over, requesting a much loved tummy rub.
Again, this is only a suggestion, along with an example of what I am thinking might work a little better for you.

***In this sentence: "She is a Tri-colored ~ Shih-Tzu, with lots of brown long flowing hair, mixed with white and black tips at her ears." You could make it flow more smoothly by showing, more than telling. For example: The beautiful tri-colored Shih-Tzu sports a flowing, silk-like, brown coat, ears tipped with black and white accents. (we already know it is a "she" by the previous sentence, so no need to state it again here.) But do you see how just a few changes in how it is worded paints more of a picture in the readers mind? That is what you are after in your writing. That is what grabs and hooks the reader and keeps them devouring your story. They like to feel like they are right there in it, 'seeing it' themselves. (then move on to the 4th line, where you are speaking to her.

***Here, in the dialogue of the fourth line: "Come here mama Belle, come let me brush your pretty hair and tail," I said", maybe consider "Come here mama Belle, come let me brush you, pretty girl." (This tells us you will be brushing her hair and tail, yet smooths it out and simplifies it for the reader. No need to get over detailed on what you are trying to express, as it can become tedious for the reader.}

***Then here, "So I brush the hair in front of her face and grabbed up a bunch of Belle's hair at the top of her head and pulled it up tight, then with a hair band I begin creating a 'doggie hairdo.'" Consider not drawing out the actions quite as much. Perhaps something like "After the gentle smoothing of her hair (fur?), I gather a large section from her head, pulling it up snuggly into a creative 'doggie updo', complete with a pink satin bow." Remember, these are only suggestions. I am not trying to re-write your story, just help you find ways to more creatively word it through examples.



***In this sentence, "I look fat, that's it, I am a fat little dog!" It appears she does not like having a huge belly. It is obvious you are sharing what you feel the dog is thinking. Thoughts are usually notated in creative writing by using italics, not parenthesis.

***This sentence would be great, if you made a change to give more of a visual: "The unborn puppies are due any time now, her belly is swollen like a balloon with too much air in it and at a closer look, the baby's are moving." The unborn pups are due any time, her belly is swollen like an overinflated balloon. Upon closer inspection, I notice they are squirming within her, as if confirming the fact." Or something like that.

*** Next, just try to pick out the couple of small things I noticed that were not in the present tense, like the majority of the story is.
One such place is here: "Nathan asks me if he could can help do something?" This also is a sentence, not a question, so no question mark needed, just a comma.

***So now, my final suggestion is to watch your spacing and keep it consistent. Single spaced paragraphs and double spaces between each paragraph.

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"Game of Thrones"  HOUSE STARK!

Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid

Hello {suser:dansturn), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Invalid Item" .

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Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid

Hello {suser:tssharp), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Second Chances" .

***It would be very helpful to the treader, if you put a space between your paragraphs. It is easier on the eyes, and helps prevent losing ones's place as they read.
***Where you would have an apostrophe, Instead there is a small "a" with an inverted V above it. I'm not sure why, but it is a bit distracting to me as I read this.
***In the fourth sentence, first paragraph, you missed the letter "h" in the word "he".
***In this sentence you will notice I have made a couple of suggestions in green: I had no family do due to a guy
***In the fourth sentence, second paragraph, you might consider removing the word "I". Otherwise it doesn't read correctly.
***In the fourth sentence in the fifth paragraph, there is a misspelling. "pass" should be "past".
***The last sentence in paragraph five has a typo. You wrote "he" where it should have been "she".
***The fourth sentence in paragraph six, you missed putting the letter "s" at the end of the word world. (came from different worlds)
***This sentence is a little confusing. I wonder if you meant "dorm" rather than "doors": I even moved out of my doors early so I wouldnât have to run into him by chance.
***This line is just lost to me: âMonica, youâve been sat.â Time to smile again.
***The last sentence of paragraph fourteen, you need the word "has? after the word "life".
***Lastly, I notices several areas in which you missed using punctuation marks, such as comma's. You may want to consider using one of the many free grammar checkers online and copying and pasting your story into it, for assistance in locating these areas.

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