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32 Public Reviews Given
32 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
If commissioned to review, I take it quite seriously. Depending on your intended narrative, message, overall arc etc (all of which you are more than welcome to provide details on) I would adapt my feedback based your intended outcome.
I'm good at...
I tend to focus on the overall aspects of conveyed impressions, perceived messages (e.g. ethical/allegorical/etc), arc balance (dynamics, flow, contrast etc) as well as the technical aspects. I prefer not to spend too much time on spelling/grammar errors, you can look those up yourself.
Favorite Genres
Teens/YA, fantasy, sci-fi, romance, "drama", travel, biography
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, crime, NSFW-related items
I will not review...
I will not review NSFW-erotica or related items, nor anything longer than 5 A4-pages.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Flawed Gods  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
This was an unusual take on what seemed like a superhero-narrative, but I suspect that it isn't heading in that direction in the long run.

The scenery and imagery is quite gritty, in spite of the potential for a higher level. It also contrasts with the language, e.g. the "ministrations of the hoodlum", a clash that happens here and there throughout. It does become an element in the image of his depression, as he is clearly at another level, but the narrative doesn't always seem to be connected to his experience.

Overall it's a slightly too grimy read for me to want to associate it to something higher, if I were to want to read a tale of that kind I would avoid this for that reason. It has potential and you seem to have a lot of underlying lore to go with it, but it should probably shine through more. If more of the inner workings of him were visible, perhaps the tonality of the language would fit in better as well. Other than that, you might be heading somewhere with it.


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2
2
Review of Memorial Junction  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
This is a dark and scarred read. The first impression is that it's a message of sorts to someone, but to who is unclear, and it seems to shift from a message to an abstract piece towards the end. Either that or there are too many refernce that aren't conveyed or contrasted. Other than that, there's too much black in it, which doesn't really add much else than more grime. It's not a very clear read, the message is lost and I'm not sure that the intended message was purveyed.


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3
3
Review of I am Sam  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
Quite revolting, but I suppose that was the intent. I am not much for this genre, and I can't say that I liked this one either (which is to be expected), but you certainly did catch the gory detail that so many seem to strive after. It didn't instill a "haunting" in any sense, even if the text suggests that that was the intent. The finishing line was a twang of a different emotion, a contrast that shifted the tonality, albeit not to a sympathetic one. The initial rhyming is disturbing and is forced, it's trite and should be avoided.


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4
4
Review of In Rememberance  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
This was quite a personal piece, obviously, so reviewing it is harder. It was a nice piece of remembrance intermingled with some attempt to laud the unnamed person as well as personal reflections and memories.

The personal elements are sometimes touching, but also feel private, and reading it likely holds most value to the person in question, but I suppose you also wanted to plant seeds of tidbits about that someone's life in others, which you did. I can only guess at the pain based on the recounted events, because the piece itself is quite dispassionate.

I know it's the prevalent culture, but a piece like this really deserves some display of emotion. On the other hand, maybe that would be too personal or maybe it's really not something you can tell about properly, in which case the piece might not have been suitable as the poem it seems to resemble. Overall a nice piece, but too cold and impersonal.


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5
5
Review of Number Ten  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.5)
Overall the pace of this qas a bit halting. I didn't quite like the message, and I don't know if there was some kind of intended humour or political message, but it didn't come across. As far as the language goes it was quite simple and understandable, but the organisation of the text made for an even more halting experience in reading it, and I don't quite understand the intention behind using this structure. Overall a slightly confusing read.


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6
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Review of Orthodoxy  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting poem, especially in the context of it also being a part of a floating bottle in a river. The message is likely a religious parallel, but the dichotomy between nut and shell isn't entirely obvious, the symbolism eludes me, perhaps it's something personal.

On the one hand there could be a guardian's role, considering the shell, but why it wouldn't "see" outwardly is strange. Even if I combine the roles of the nut and the shell and the letter inside a bottle floating in the river, there is no apparent conclusion, other than perhaps the common denominator of "the important message" being on the inside in both cases.

Lingustistically I like both the structure, language and cadence, it even reminds me slightly of Nietsche's "Thus spake Zarathustra" slightly. The grade would have been higher if there was a clearer "message" or if the dichotomy was a more apparent allusion to something.


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7
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Review of Yea Plunge  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi there, I like the easiness of this poem. It's a pleasant and airy read, in spite of its terse but well-swivelled content. I did't quite understand the start of it, "the fingertips of "that I am"", nor did I see the meaning or coherence until I looked at the first six lines together - it feels a bit contrived and I don't see the point of it.

I particularly liked the formulation "a purposeless purpose" and how the bottle ends up in the poem. The rhyme "vision" - "decision" felt a bit too much, but the ending was excellent.


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8
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
I like the start of this very much, the instilled feelings and impressions makes me happier and more peaceful. The third passage makes it slightly more disturbing, as the imagery shatters the atmosphere.

As for form, I am slightly bothered by the forced rhymes in the second paragraph, as well as the word choice of "invades", "chic" and the odd occurence of a fiery mane, nor how that goes along with being "provocatively sweet" (a term I don't really understand).

Overall the structure is nice but I think it needs a better balance, perhaps you're trying to delve into something a bit too extensive for this short of a poem.


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9
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Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
This is quite a short piece, which might be apt as it is aimed at children. I like the dramatic start, inviting you to immerse. The language, however, seems a bit complex for this particular aim, if I were to guess the ages for which this kind of text would be befitting.

The second passage is slightly confused, as it starts with a "thus", which doesn't seem appropriate considering the first part. The following parts are also comparatively flat, the contrast is a bit awkward. The introduction of the Fresnel is also quite unexpected.

Other than that there are nice examples and information that I can imagine that children would find interesting or gripping. There needs to be a better balance and pacing however. Overall quite nice.


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10
10
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Quite a funny read, I suppose it was meant to be quite unassuming. I have to say that sometimes the laughter might have arisen from the very forcible insertion of words to fit the rhyme rather than the context, not sure if this was intentional though.

One thing that confuses me is the quotation mark around "arms", which makes me wait for an explanation all the way toward the final lines, only to not find one. Also there is the issue of the "'stound" which I don't understand at all.

Other than that I can only assume that you did it for fun, not sure what kind of feedback I could provide in that context. Linguistically there are some issues with random capitalisations that don't make sense, but that can be worked on. The atmosphere was quite nice however, as was the mood most of the time.


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11
11
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Excellent poem. It started off with something that I might have to admit was something close to a facepalm, when faced with the contrast of "finest math" and "take a bath", but lifts to excellent levels by the second strophe.

Some passages are vague and makes me wonder if it has larger personal significance than general, but largely there are some excellent contrasting plays on words as well as topics.

Terse and yet well-crafted, even though I'm not sure that the message is something I can agree with as it is too vague in some regards.


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12
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Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
This is a very compact read. The start is very powerful! I like the first sentence. The narration is overpowering, however, the "no" a few lines later should probably have been omitted.

In general the content is likely meant to be very gripping, and the content is very strong, but the presentation comes across as a bit over the top quite a few times, e.g. the "bottomless oceans of suffocating emptiness".

There are however some very nice passages as well, e.g. "This nightmare knows the past, sees the future and molds the present", that sentence is very succinct yet says a lot.

The text is overall very compact, you should increase the readability quite a lot, I found myself wanting to skip ahead quite early, which isn't a good sign.

The pacing and style of narration is odd at times, there are too many full stops and glutamated sentiments. The self-centered narrative comes across as a bit immature and should likely be balanced.

Overall a strong read and with some good passages, but the keeping is questionable as the text is too chaotic.


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13
13
Review of The Promise  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.5)
This is a calm read with a good pace of unravelling, but it has several issues, some of which might pertain to personal taste and may be disregarded, of course.

It starts out as a quite pressing read, the desperate sense of urgency yet the lack of being able to affect it incites angst. I thought it was about someone on a mission of some sort, before reading the entirety of it.

Throughout the passages you're not entirely certain of what's being narrated, the locus of the voice seems to shift over and over. The sense of pressing need is replaced by one of hollow despair, as you depict the forlorn scene in the park.

Toward the end I expected a saving grace, an explanatory passage, but the final explanation doesn't really come across as such, it strikes me more as a deflation of the tension rather than a rise, likely instilled by the implications that the son had simply left him there - thus the feat seems like one of vouchsafe.

Overall the pace is slow, the mood is depressed, and while the angles shift and the scene slowly unravels, it lacks an emotional progression to match the intent, as I suspect it to be.


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14
14
Review of Toressa  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's an easy read and I suppose that lyrics are hard to evaluate without the accompanying, but it still strikes a simple yet endearing note. I especially like some of the imagery, such as "soft as lace". The name is slightly odd so I suppose that it's dedicated to someone, if not it has a slightly askance cadence that doesn't go well with the flow, in my opinion.

All in all well done, the candour comes across very well.


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15
15
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was a very endearing and, towards the end, an achingly painful read. Even from the get-go I did think that there was an element of something angst-like, and I suppose my suspicions were well-founded.

I am impressed that you adhered to form all the way through, but I do think the piece was a bit too lengthy. The middle-portion could have been more succinct and had a heavier impact as a result, rather than being slightly drawn-out, as I feel it is at the moment.

The last section is quite gripping, in spite of your relatively neutral language. Excellently done.

Overall a very nice piece, in spite of its melancholic and misanthropy-inducing elements. It would be well-served by being shorter, but all in all, good work.
16
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Review of The Creators  Open in new Window.
Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Your piece on first contact has an unusual spin to it. There is none of the first-encounter exoticism one would expect, but instead a more subdued version that might allude to the more jaded sci-fi-devourers out there. That being said, this feature might also be considered making a piece about something extraordinary, slightly lackluster.

I say this not only because of your approach but, looking the character of the President, even from the get go he has quite the odd reflections for that kind of an encounter, unless it's his personality to be so "simple", it underwhelms. Couple with the scene being set in an office, involving garages and no real tangible entry-point for the visitors, it leaves a lot to be desired in terms of impression.

I like that you included historical elements to build your lore, how contrast the aliens as the more peaceable in spite of the anthropocentric approach to it all, even though the United Nations-bit is slightly unrealistic in terms of how it would likely play out for real.

All in all, I like the attempt, with added depth and sharpness to it, it could amount to more. I like that you're working out a history which likely leads to room for much more exploration and delving into intriciacies, but overall the impression is far too mundane for a piece of this nature.
17
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Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Quite a chilling read! I like the quality of the atmosphere you've built - the twisted, wicked normalcy that's instilled. It started out quite well, although it was a bit halting in the pace. Overall the immersion would be helped by the odd vivid detail here and there, e.g. a flickering screen reflected in the eye.

As it comes along, I think the piece would be helped by allusions to e.g. a mental hospital, because that's the associations I got midway, alluding to that and making the reader think that's the case would have been even more effectful. Regardless, you still packed a punch there.

As the piece approaches a conclusion, it becomes slightly lackluster. The tension, atmosphere and pressure doesn't emanate into either catharsis or some kind of final contrast, but sort of peters out, you could probably rework that to give the piece more of a point or character.



18
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Review by T Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Haikus these days are moving away from the traditional forms very often, so it's hard to review the form. In general, I suppose I prefer to see haikus that have a good cadence, contrast (or the traditional "cutting") and message/point to them.

Based on this I would say that your first haiku does even if it completely juxtaposes the rhythm succeed in form because it still feels symmetrical. The cutting contrast is inverted as well, as the same feeling suffuses the start and the end, but the middle is different and I like the clean feel of it.

Your second one has more of the same rhythm preserved, but the same theme strikes through, there is little contrast. Effect-wise it is chilling though, very unpleasant, I'm guessing that that's what you went for.

Your third seems more jumbled, even if the feel of nature seems more tangible than the other ones, in a positive way. I like the positive note.

In the fourth I would have rather seen that you either remove the "of" in the first line or merge the middle and and the first line, only having bubbling in the middle and the rest following. The impression is strong and clear, but somewhat disjuncted because I can't associate to ice bubbling, feels unnatural.
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