In verse 1,4, 3,5 and 6 I felt something. The rhyme is good and catches your attention. But in verse 2 i lost connection. All those names made me a bit confused.
In verse 3 I was only getting back on track but I got there in verse 4 and I really enjoyed verse 5 and 6. So I personally would take out or change verse 2 to keep the reader on track.
The rhymes and metaphors are beautiful.
Keep up the good work!
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