This was amazing. First off, you managed to make it flow, and it had some good descriptive words as well as good emotion portrayal. If this based off of your experience or someone else's, or a fictional character's experience? Although, I think you could cut back on the over and over part a bit. It just seems a bit too prolonged.
I don't understand how or why the rain brings back childhood memories. Is running in Oklahoma rain and listening to thunder the childhood memory, or is it what you are doing in the present? Perhaps you could explain that a little bit more. Also, I think you should focus more on the description instead of making it rhyme, describe the actually rain, instead of just the sound.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pencilsword
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 6:31am on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.