Like me, you seem to have a lot of time on your hands to be pondering inane subjects like commas. Seriously though, it's an interesting question especially to a hardcore grammarian like myself. (In elementary school I adored diagramming sentences--the more complex, the better.)
While I fret about overuse of commas impeding the rhythmic flow of thought, what I really loathe are people who use the strange, unwritten rule that every pause requires a comma. The major felons are the ones who separate two sentences with a comma resulting in a run-on (comma splice) sentence making me want to chew my own tongue to shreds. That woman whose name I reuse to mention--initials are J. K. R.--commits this faux pas regularly in her Harry Potter books and she's making a mint!
Anyway, it was clever of you to examine this punctuation mark and I love the examples from Thurber and Ross. It was also a good move to force the weak of heart off the fence by offering no middle ground.
Your narrative is short but well-written. As you move forward from childhood the development of your loneliness is apparent to your readers. I especially like that you begin and end with the belief that you are a "dull child"; it completes the cycle of your emptiness and, combined with your accomplishments, leaves your audience with ample food for thought.
Love your story! It was fun to read a holiday tale that was ominous but still exited with the obligatory happy ending.
I admit to some degree of envy. Your writing style rocks! I appreciate things like "...let his rear fall into the embrace of his favorite chair...." And I never would have viewed my own Christmas village as a "hamlet." Wish I could create images like that with words. Truly inspirational.
Can't even fault the grammar because it appears to be perfect. This is the kind of paper I would want to grade with an A+ but I don't, as a rule, add a "plus" to what is already perfect.
Thanks for the entertaining read. Good luck with your writing. And Merry Christmas.
Hey, lukegoff. Read your story, "Ode to Data." I don't find it stupid; in fact, I think the lack of criticism might be due to the complexity of the story. I had to read it several times to appreciate everything.
My first reaction was an instant affection for your "construct" narrator. I love her human qualities, such as they are. As a "female" construct I found her desire to procreate most natural--that maternal instinct. And her advice about the meaning of life sounds like what I have always tried to pass on to my two grown children (33 and 27 years old). I've always reminded them that they have had a good life and they owe something back.
Before retiring, I taught a Science Fiction literature course, but I admit it is not my favorite genre. Nevertheless, I found your story touching and your writing style sophisticated. I have no criticism to offer on the story. Sorry. The best I can say is there are one or two minor grammar issues with comma splices. (Composition is my educational forte with an emphasis on grammar.)
Overall, I enjoyed reading your story and would gladly read more. Hope we can become friends.
Definitely touches readers emotionally, especially women. Easy for a woman to identify with narrator. I like when you show your characters' feelings with their actions rather than just describing them; you could focus on adding in this area. (You already have a good start.)I did feel that the ending (specifically John's attitude change) happened somewhat abruptly. Perhaps adding more?
Some grammar to clean up, but you probably already know that. Feel free to direct questions to Penny CP. And certainly feel free to review me.
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