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Review by Inscrutable
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I have read this story and was a kind of badly disappointed. I will explain why.

I at first like your idea for an interactive story, but as I read the main page and compare it with the contents, I just couldn't really find the link between them. This is because you really cannot place yourself in the story, unlike what the main page is telling you. You came up with a few characters with weird names who do not follow the exaple of a human from the real world. They are completely fiction and probably don't even look human. How can that be... you... as in given the idea that "you" are going to fight along side the hero in the zelda series. I also miss the hero from the zelda series, so it isn't really fighting along side with him.

A second thing is that the series of zelda is set to bind a few rules. You seem to add your own rules or allow others who have contribure chapters to your story to bend those rules. For instance, look at the weapons which are availible. The story is more something like, you enter a strange world which is based on zelda in the end. You should really check your work and correct it for what I understand is that you know alot about the zelda games.

What is also a bit disappointing, is that this story mainly contains one sentence each chapter. There is no basis on which the story can go on and therefore it hasn't even started yet. I also miss a little bit of a background story. This is probably why the story only contains choice chapters and why people do not know what to add. It also reads badly, because you have to click more then reading. You kind of miss the thing that keeps you to want to read more, if you know what I mean.

Since the story hasn't started yet, I can hardly rate it on it. Therefore, I rate it on what stands above here. I am not trying to offend your work or yourself if that is what you think. 'm just being honest and share my thoughts about your story. Like I said before, I like your idea. It just hasn't been so clearly been processed in the contents. I'll give you a 2.0 rating (=1 for the idea, 0.5 for the introduction page, 0.5 for the ammount of chapters and 0.5 for the contents that actually has to do something with the idea).


If you want to improve, here are some tips:

If you're going to make the reader choose in which game he will appear. Try to make a tree of choices, before you add them on the site, in notepad or word or something. Make sure the reader gets to the story as soon as possible. (you can get a list of the games if you search google.)

To keep the story a bit exciting, you need to add more text then a sentance. Make a background story around it. Try to make it attractive to read. (don't add random stuff that has nothing to do with the point or you'll be confusing the reader.)

If you're going to put the mind of the reader into the story, you'll need to have a clear goal on who is going to read it. If you cannot, then end a chapter as open as possible, so that the next writer who continues the story can go from there. (It is also a good thing to do this as much as possible, so that not only you know how it continues.)

Lastly, if you are out of inspiration and do not know how to continue, yet you have only a few chapters... disable public rating for a while until you have at least some part of the story. That way, you won't get rated on the story instead of on things like this.

I hope my comments will improve your skills. Good luck.
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