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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/philipmuls
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15 Public Reviews Given
15 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Short Bio  Open in new Window.
Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Very smartly done Nathan. You grew up in the USA of the future I guess, "Portugal missile crisis", good one!.

Intriguing : "Your world went one way and mine another." It makes you wonder who I am and where I am. You imply that you were lucky, so I was not...?

You met Haakon in Iowa and lost him in London. You are in Iowa now but on my timeline the college campus there does not exist. Again intriguing.

This can easily be the basis for a longer piece. Some very original thoughts here.

Well done !
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Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Great story, easy to read, authentic dialogue. It is all about becoming yourself, which apparently is impossible to do when still in high shool.

The characters are realistic and recognizable.

I think you did a good job, exactly the right tone. Well done.
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Review of Memorise  Open in new Window.
Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Trading marketable skills and trying to earn and save credits to get married. A new reality. Well thought through.

Reminds me of the movie 'In Time' somehow where everything is paid in minutes.

Clever how he succeeds in the end in getting the credits but loses the love of his life.

Well done.
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Review of Jealousy  Open in new Window.
Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
You succeed in making the reader feel he is on Egil's planet. I love the last line where we learn he is heir to the throne but needs to go to 'the academy' like all the others.

It is just another day in another galaxy.

Well done, good flow, intriguing.
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Review of Autumn Wind  Open in new Window.
Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Short and sweet. You capture the autumn feel in 3 phrases. I love the last line, you can feel the crisp air being inhaled.

Well done.
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Review of WOUND  Open in new Window.
Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very nice work. Very descriptive but it creates exactly the right mood. You can imagine being inside the hotel and the room.

Nice twist at the end. You kinda expect the music box to be there but not the note.
Story has a good flow, easy to read and it keeps the attention focused.

It has aa certain innocence that makes you believe it is written by an eleven-year-old.

Well done.
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Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Endearing poem. Yes he is alone but he is 'smiling at the images he replays'. Not a life unlived but a life full of great memories. He waits...until it is his time to die, but he is unafraid because he believes he will be reunited.

I should wish to get old(er) that way. Not afraid because a life well-lived.
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Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
This story resonates with me as my family is prone to addictive behaviour. Very honest and open appeal to your son to change for the better. Yes he should do so for his mother's sake but even more so for himself.

I like the flow and the directness of the poem. There is no hesitation but clear facts and reasons why it is time now to change.
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9
Review by Philip Muls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the way you open with the different things your dad was to you and your family. A life cut short must mean it was not expected so I am very sorry for your sudden loss.

It is great if you can call your father a special friend.

You repeat not forgotten two times, maybe you can rephrase.
You star shines on must be Your star I assume.

Sail on Sailor hints that this is not the end but just part of a journey.

Well done.
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