Very very well put together poem. I enjoyed reading it, however I can't tell who is talking or why. Is it Sleeping Beauty? Is it someone who wants to die, and be remembered as Sleeping Beauty? I suppose it doesn't really matter, but I just really didn't connect to one type of character or another....I bounced around as I was reading it.
Is the reader supposed to know the story of Sleeping Beauty before reading your poem, or is it totally unrelated, and we are reading the feelings and thoughts of someone who themselves has a strong connection to the Sleepy Beauty story.
Is this just a weird dream.
Either way, I really like the imagery and the poem, and I want to read it again and see if I can answer these questions and come up with my own answers myself!
Is that what you were going for, for the reader to come up with their own imagery? If so good job.....if you were expecting me to know who the speaker is and what is going on with them, then I really didn't catch any of that.
Trust me though I am going to read it a couple more times!
Love the Final line, "then will my temple be pure?" I would like to have seen more imagery throughout the poem such as this. Like how "My holy , once pure veins are cursed with the blood of unknown love-- ya know what I mean, like mention of "curses , sacrifice, and more biblical style stuff...leading up to the final line of the temple.
Pretty heavy and dark poem, I like it....and am mortified by it at the same time, because we all feel this way at some point in our lives.
I also think the the repetitive, "I wish I were bleeding" line works well.
The only confusing part for me was:
I wish I could cut the screaming
If I stab it maybe it’ll stop her screaming
For what they did in the dark
Obviously, this comes from something personal, but it is unclear to the reader. not a bad thing, just thought you should be aware
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/picardcrusher
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 5:03am on Nov 11, 2024 via server WEBX1.