Very touching and oh so sad for the little girl who had to find solace in the the arms of the church. I am thankful you are blessed with the gift of writing to let those emotions out of you and onto the paper. Let them go with the wind and embrace the new day. Willow
Judy, great story of a boot camp experience. I hope all your days there went so well. Your age, being in your 20's definately put you to the advantage, as I was a young naive pup and oh boy, did I have an experience in boot camp. What I think is great and can write about is that in 1974 (it was 1978 for me) there was not a lot of women in the Army. You were making great strides for women in enlisting in the Army and doing your time. I thank you and your country thanks you for your sacrifice. Willow
First I have to say, I got teary eyed on this one. Then I love the ....as if read correctly you pause and let your mind take your words and images beyond. They create a fabulous picture. Yes it's in our minds and our mind is our most precious tool. Well done! Willow
I was attracted to the poem by your name, Beaded Butterfly and now I have read your poem and say death indicates change. Though it may bring a sadness because we don't like change and resist it. Often the change is better than the life before. Richard Bach said it best, and I am paraphrasing, "what the caterpillar called the end of the world, the butterfly saw as the beginning." The poem was a good way of saying good-bye. Loved it. Willow
Right to the point. I like poems that are edgy and speak of life as it really is. I know though this type can be very difficult to compose, so however you come up with the words, I hope you are safe. Truly confusing when violence is mixed with love. Writing is a wonderful outlet, keep writing! Willow
Beautiful imagery but with lingering sadness which I couldn't really put my finger on why I felt that way. Did your mother pass on or was she unable to communicate her feelings?Just thoughts, you don't need to answer. Personally I love a good thunderstorm so I love how you used the storm as something your mother was feeling or dealing with and then how the storms would bring memories of her for you. Quite moving. Keep writing. Willow
Extremely powerful message comes through in your words. At first I thought a lover, but then I became to see more clearly who the poem was about. I think the most powerful part is that the author (if it is about you) has become stronger because of this event in the your life. Though it was probably painful and difficult you may find you like the stronger person you have become. Look at your line # 14, I think you might need the word "of" in there. Willow
What a lovely story going back in time and weaving back to the future. The part where your son is cradling one of the kings and refering to "Papa John" makes it a true Christmas story, one of miracles and magic. That is what Christmas is all about.
Sybaritic, love the memory of sledding in Maine. I grew up in Vermont and could counter the story with our winters and sledding experiences! The imagery was vivid and I felt as if I was one of the boys standing on the hill ready to take claim as KING. We, too, played that game for hours on end in the winter. No video games, no computers, TV was dull and Mom was a stay at home MOM. We wanted outside. Thanks for the trip down the hill!
Shin, The beginning of this poem is very special, I like how it starts. Your memories, real or imagined are vivid and come to life in your poem. This person is obviously very special.
This poem is exactly why poems get written, love and absence and anguish or pain from the love. I find it wonderfully romantic.
Shin, Quite interesting poem. Did you have a glimpse inside this person's soul or were you allowed to see that part of him or her? I think the bigger question is what you did with that information after you figured out what you saw.
Is this the type of person you want around you or was this a blessing in disguise? I especially like the fact that it was put into written form so it is made a part of history, so neither of you forget!
Brilliant. This speaks to hundreds, thousands, who knows, millions of teen-agers across the planet. My friend, you are not alone. Speaking from experience and let me tell you, ask any adult if they would want to be a teenager again and 85 percent would say NO. The 15 percent that would say yes, are the group that were the types walking around cutting others down in this poem. ADVICE: KEEP WRITING, it is who you are.
We will never fall in love with the people our parents want for us. But that is okay. We should love who we love. But at the same time risks, while they are exciting, they can be very dangerous and life-changing, I am sure you are writing more chapters to this story or I hope so. Don't forget that young adults have to face terrible real life dangers, like PREGNANCY. Which would be a great lesson to learn for your characters. Like where would their support come from if that happened and his parents are abusive? Would her parents help them? Would they get jobs and live on their own? Finish school? You could go a long way with this story!
This is a great story about to unfold into many different powerful ways. Women that are in this situation need to see these type of stories in print so they know they are not alone, how to get help and that they can win. One editing comment is look for your paragraphs. I will be looking for more of the story and what happens to the baby and mom! Keeping writing!
Absolutely delightful. Such thought and work went into this one. It was entertaining and witty. At the same time it also taught us a few things about relationships, men and how to write different types of poetry. Lucky girl to get so many dates in one week, need to write a poem about how to get all those dates!
Heartwrenching and truthful. It is so sad that couples have to take their thoughts to this point in their relationship because of the separation due to war. You can feel the love of this couple and how it will transcend this world. The imagery is beautiful and heavenly. The final line is what got me "You will know my knock". Of course!
I rate this as perfect but I do feel it could be added to. I think this poet has more to say in this poem and hopefully we will hear more. I love the words "time's a poor measure" and "the soul's on the lamb". In just a few lines we know a lot about the person and the person's journey. Keep writing.
This is exactly why I love our military. We pull together and become each other's family, when the real family is so very far away. The ability to see when someone needs an ear, a shoulder, a hug is not an easy task. It takes being pro-active and anything but lazy. You have to take the time like this writer did, take the time to listen and offer of yourself. Many people are not willing to that.
WOW. The title is great and ties wonderfully with the piece. The subtitle "Can you stand in the sand?", interestlying summarizes this editorial. Can we as a country make our stand in the sand? Will we be able to keep this enemy at bay and away from us, there in the sand? Wonderfully thought provoking and patriotic.
Okay I will admit I do not know who Caleb Campbell is, but I do know the military. I think this is a great idea. Think back to Elvis Presley in the Army. That made the news, created publicity, a movie, it was huge. I think you are on the right track here. The military needs positive role models in all areas. Sometimes we just cannot see the best thing to do.
Love the use of gemstones, sapphires and diamonds as a way of description. Then the imagery of honey poison is fantastic especially if you relate this to the perfectness of the "blonde" and what that woman will do to the man. So sad, unrequited love.
Graphic and sad that another can do so much damage to one's heart. It happens everyday though, some choose to not let it defeat us and find the resolve to carry on others are not so lucky. As this poem explores, will we remember, will we know just what decision we made? Very powerful poem.
Personally I love poems that relate the ocean to life, so I am hooked. There is a great melody to this poem which leads me to believe it could easily be turned into a song with the right verbage. If this is the old stuff can't wait to read the new stuff!
GeminiStar! What a wise soul and such strong resolve for such a young human being. But then you have been through some horrific times for a child to endure, not to take away experience and wisdom would be further salt on your wounds. Your story reflects human nature at its best and at its worst. Fortunately we are graced with your presence and will look forward to more of your journey.
So often we try to hard to impress someone and all we really need to do it be ourselves. In this poem we see this happened and may have stifled the man from persuing the relationship further. But we grow older and hopefully wiser. Who knows maybe time will give way to insight and fate will give way to try again.
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