Man dragons, the Fae, and fairy parks; a very creative little world for this orphan child and she can slip into and out if other worlds too. Cute story. I can see you we're planning to add more on this one too.
"Yelping for his name" in the last paragraph is awkward. I'm not feeling the emption for some reason. I think it is just so short, that I am not sure where it is going and I haven't had time to fall in love with the character.
Emotional is an understatement! It brought tears to my eyes. It is very well written. I just had s couple blank spots, well not blank just pictures in my mind slightly out of focus. It was slightly unbelievable that doctors would see what had happened to her and not report it, though I'm not sure what you could use For a quick explanation of that. No time period is referenced, it could have happened anywhere the 1940's to now. But I do at least know it was not prior to the invention if the TV. Simply hanging your clothes to dry doesn't mean it is not modern day. I thought the unopened envelopes might be condolence cards unopened, but it could have been bills. Overall it is just fine, my little complaints did not distract me from the piece.
Good beginnings for a book. For it would take one to sufficiently explain all the details in the world you created in the space of a short story. I could see a longer version being very interesting and allowing for more character development.
Errors in paragraph three:
Puzzel of live, should read puzzel of life.
That will lead you of the path of honesty, should read off the path of honesty.
Really beautiful piece.
Exactly hit the nail on the head with what's missing in my marriage, now. Though never exactly a team with our visions of the future, we at least used to share them. Not sharing them makes the other more like a stranger you sleep with. I was trying to explain to him how after 17 years I new him less and less, and he couldn't understand what I meant. You wrote exactly what I was trying to say much clearer than I could explain it myself.
Seems like a very honest recolection of a child's memories. We see things differently ad kids than we do as adults. Mom why are so man people here? Wondering how you got there. Kids don't register the packing. Just remembering the important parts.
Lack of tears worry you, that's another common thing people worry about but usually aren't honest enough to talk about.
It flows well. Nothing grammatically wrong.
I thought it was really funny. "Helecopter parents", and the " stop living in the twentieth century," comments were too funny. Getting a cat as a form of rebellion, is an interesting idea.
Very true. dream or simple paranoia isolates people. Made me think of the extreme example, my ex husband so worried someone might take something of his he won't give his own children a key to his house and they are not allowed to be alone in his house once they are let in. I bought mustard with no safety seal when we were married ad he worried I might be trying to poison him. The past twenty years have been sad ones for him.
All of the transitions were fine. The references to a ethnic background of the family were not clear to me. I wasn't sure what a Sari was. I just gussed Indian family, though I had attended an Hindu wedding once and don't recall anything with ribons that the bride wore. "ET tu Brute" ? Since I don't speak any foriegn languages I was just guessing that might be french. You might want to use something else to paint the picture of ethnicity or place that is more obvious to the average person.
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