You have some clever rhymes in this poem, rapier and paper was my favorite, as it would not have immediately came to my mind.
I'll admit that I'm not all that familiar with Rondel style poetry, however after looking it up, I can say that you did a good job of following the typical conventions. Although, I'll admit that I don't really find this style attractive, as while reading it aloud (which is something I always recommend doing when reading and writing poetry), the natural cadence of line 3 and line 11 both disrupted the natural flow of the rest of the poem (although, I would easily believe the contrast in line 3 was intentional).
You do a great job with visualization also, the visuals of pencil and paper against board and chalk really setting up the differences between the perspectives of the student and teacher.
Overall, a rather good poem about the relationship between students and teachers.
I enjoyed reading your story very much. Punctuation and grammar were good, and I especially your word choice. You really capture the essence of receiving a bad gift on Christmas. I also enjoy the way in which the main character interacts were her family, as it seems acts very much like a person who would be caught in this situation. Overall, a great story. Keep up the good work.
A very sweet story, and surprisingly short too, was able to capture a message many story take over 300 pages to tell and still get wrong. Honestly, I would not change a single thing about this story, because I would be afraid to ruin the message it gets across. The loved ones in life truly are the best memories you can have, and sometimes its just the little things that show us what we've been looking for. The story telling is also phenomenal. Keep up the good work.
With Acrostic poetry, there is always a very fine line between taking the letters and making a meaningful poem, and just trying to think of things that work. This poem is definitely one of the former, as the words paint a beautiful image of spring, and the things that you may find in it. Punctuation and Grammar is used wonderfully. I especially like how you themed each word, with spring focusing on nature, is on winter, and here on the fauna. Overall, a wonderful poem.
Overall, this was a good image of what your book is going to be about, a tale of a girl trying to survive school. Punctuation and Grammar were excellent. I do have a couple questions on your decisions though... Firstly, is this the entire chapter or an excerpt of a chapter? If this is an excerpt, then it is very well done and give the reader an idea on what they are getting into. However, if this is an entire chapter, you may want to expand, unless your first two are really detailed about what is going on around the main character. Secondly, are Evie and Amber her friends? If so, you may want to explain to the reader why she didn't realize all of her friends sit at the same table during lunch (unless this is explained in a previous chapter). Finally, and this is just a personal question, why are you going to title the book "So Not Normal"? It seems to me that the setting, characters, etc. are pretty normal. Anyway, hope to see more of this, possibly read the first two chapters as well.
Your story is very powerful, both in it's message and it's writing. The punctuation and grammar are excellent, and the pacing is good too. The only thing I would say does not work out well is your inclusion of the emoticon and (silly grin), but at the same time it adds another layer to this complex character (She acts all tough but still has feelings), so I think you should not remove them either, but I don't know how to fix them either... Anyway, enjoyed reading it thoroughly and I may just have to read some of your other stories too.
For an 100 word challenge, you did a really good job. You can understand the true childlike nature of the main character, especially due to your descriptions revolving things like "finger-painted windows" and "exploded from my mouth like a dragon". Again, as the contest restricted to only 100 words, you did a great job with what you had. Grammar and punctuation were both good. Any complaints I have would be too nit-picky.
The poetry was nice and thoughtful, however I feel the first two lines are out of place, as the other lines all have direct rhymes. It doesn't have to be changed, however, may I recommend you go for some repetition and change the second line to "that can always put a smile on your face?". I especially like the middle lines, as they seemed to have the best rhyme scheme. Grammar and punctuation are fine, and overall a decent short poem.
Besides some confusion during the first paragraphs (probably my fault), and whether he had killed his daughter, or his relationship with her, I enjoyed the story. I would very much be interested in learning of what happens due to Jason's first night out drinking in ten years. Grammar and punctuation are good, the only mistake that popped out at me was in the second to last paragraph, "If you hadn't been involved heavily in that seen", but that's just a simple spelling mistake that could be easily fixed. Overall, besides the need for expansion, and a little clarification, on what happens, your short story was well done and thoughtful.
Overall, you convey the message in a good way, and a good one at that. Your rhyme scheme worked well, and by giving the reader a relatable character through the absence of traits. I especially enjoyed how you captured a wide range of emotion in such a small space of poetry, as in poetry there is a very fine line between expanding on an idea and dragging it out for too long. Grammar and punctuation appear fine to me, and any real complaints I have would be too nit-picky. Overall, good job and hope to see some more inspirational poetry in the future.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/playerone
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:08am on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
