I love this list! Too many people are not grateful for the small things in life, although it is the small things that make up life. We should be grateful for every breath that we take. That we've been given the chance to love each other. For the beauty in nature that surrounds us every day. These are just a few of the small things that I'm grateful for.
Absolutely loved this. Great rhythm and rhyme also following along with the birthday theme . I especially liked how you involved all the different types of characters in his stories and how they congregated together to celebrate his birthday. Well done! Definitely a winner!
Very well done and intriguing. Great descriptions of the emotional feelings she was going through and of her surrounding area. I enjoyed how the shadows kept slipping in-and-out just beyond the peripheral vision. The great start to a story that could continue on and become a thrilling short story or novel.
A wonderful description of the battle in the mind of what a person believes and perceives themself to be as far as the beauty that lies on the outside. If we would only look to the inside and see the beauty that we were born with as with the rose Such misery we place upon ourselves could be diverted. My favorite line is,"Don't let the world change you
You change the world.
A really enjoyable read!
I really love the essence of this poem! It expresses the love and gratitude we all need to give to God for His grace shown to us every day. Everything is by His hand, eternal life, souls saved and gifts given in this life and beyond. Even the trails are a blessing to be thankful for. I was kind of thrown off by the use of capitalization in some reference to God and not in others... although this is the poets prerogative. As a poet myself I understand the rules are a little lose when comes to form :) Great writing and have a Blessed Day!
Wow! This is such a beautiful poem resonating the choices we make and the consequences they can bring. We can all get stuck in the depths of the shadows that burden our soul, of past choices we made. But we also need to look forward, locking them away so that the brightness of the future can shine above it all. Beautifully written thank you for sharing!
Beautiful words written to the Father, knowing that even though we can not always predict the feelings of others or the situations they're going through, we still keep them in our prayers knowing that God by His power can make any difference when He chooses. Beautiful prayer. thank you for sharing.
A beautiful and deeply intense description of the cemetery. This is a place where some, as you say, will go to visit. Yet, one day we will all wind up there. Your words bring visualization of the fence with leaves trapped against it, the changing of seasons and even epitaphs help to bring this all into a great picture in the mind. Very much enjoyed this!
I absolutely loved this! You have taken the story of the fall of man and given it in a new perspective, from the eyes of the deceiver. This was a fresh and invigorating read. I look forward to reviewing more of your work when time permits. Very well done!
I absolutely love this concept, so here is my story for fill in the blank!
Once Upon a Time there was a small dragon, who dreamed of living within the castle walls of the Kingdom outside the forest where he lived. Everyday, he would spread his massive wings and sore high, so not to be seen, staring down into the beautiful courtyard, watching the people as they went about their daily work. One day, the tiny dragon made up his mind it was time to make his presence known. Because of that, a friendship was built with people of the Kingdom, as he vowed to be there protector and guardian. Until finally, the day had come that the king invited the tiny dragon to live within the castle walls, and all his dreams were fulfilled.
I like the premise and the feel of the poem.
I'm not an expert on punctuation and perfect form but I have written a lot of poetry so take this as just thoughts from my perspective.
This is how I interpreted what I read:
1. The flow was a little ruff
In the first stanza "knew" should be "know"
I might have written it like this:
Trying to hide inside her pain
a broad smile and talking sane but little did she know herself
Eyes are a mirror to the heart itself
2. In the 1st stanza the first 2 lines rhyme then the 2nd two rhyme
Then you jump to 6 lines rhyming in pairs in the 2nd stanza
The 3rd stanza back to 4 and they don't rhyme.
If you would like to visit my portfolio it might give you an idea of how structure and flow move well in poetry. Like I said I'm no expert so take this or leave it as you would like just trying to be helpful :)
This reminds me of my dogs I really enjoyed the premise and feel. Now I'm no expert in form or punctuation when it comes to writing whatsoever yet, some of the verses are long and seem to throw off the flow and rhythm. It was suggested to me to read my poetry out loud to myself and find the areas where it seems to throw off the Cadence. Just a suggestion you can take it or leave it. Have a wonderful evening!
I appreciate how open you are in sharing a part of your life. I was a few years too young to go to Vietnam, yet when I was in the service I heard many stories from friends who had been there and what it was like in the jungles of that hellhole. I salute you and thank you for your service! What a wonderful thing to get some R&R in a place like Australia.. and on top of it get to spend that time with a beautiful lady running around having fun forgetting all that you left behind for at least 3 days. I'm glad you have this memory and have shared it here for us to experience. Have a wonderful evening!
Another wonderful poem! I love the expressions of how we can find beauty in any season if we just open our eyes to the beauty around us. Beautiful work! Be Blessed and keep writing!
Great read!
I am no expert on punctuation or grammar so I will just give you a description of the impact of the story from my perspective.
A whole different spin on going back in time through the eyes of a school student. Being called on to give a speech and lucking out on the topic was genius! Speaking on the sport teams and their change was something everyone in class could identify with. I actually felt a turning in the pit of my stomach when he was about to describe 9/11.
Yet, saved by the bell!
I would actually love to see a continuation of this.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Be blessed and keep writing!
Wow! This was very well written. I am not an expert on punctuation and grammatical errors. Yet, I will try to impart to you the impact the story had on me.
Them speaking on only being able to imagine what colors are, what it would be like to see a tree or watch a movie speaks to the fact of how blessed we are to have sight.
Writing from the perspective and mindset of a person who is not only blind, but doesn't have much time to live is a bold undertaking!
When they answer black as their favorite cover and people don't understand just proves the fact that nobody has taken the time to get to know this individual and the struggles that they deal with everyday.
You can feel the loneliness in their heart when they talk about the funeral and the fact that the care of blue and his feelings mean more than what they are suffering through is a very touching part of the story.
My favorite part was this,"When the light couldn't come any closer it flashed. At that moment I saw it. It was so beautiful. More gorgeous than anyone had ever told me. But I saw it, I saw the sky.
The fact that they got that 1 chance to actually witness the color blue that they had longed to sea and the sky has such a impact.
Over all I just loved the story! It was very descriptive and from a perspective that we probably would never think of looking through... the eyes of another especially when they can't see what we do.
Great job look forward to reading more. Be blessed and keep writing!
This was absolutely hilarious! Reading the reviews was humorous, but your responses... classic! I'm new here and just set up my site, port or whatever they happen to call it. I'm not really sure of the politically correct expression, but honestly really don't care either. Anyway, the point you made with many people missing the exact point of what you wrote, or misconstruing it into some otherworldly fantasy in their own mind having absolutely nothing to do with the subject to begin with is all to common. The "mind" is a terrible thing to waste. Is a very unfortunate disease that plagues the world we live in today... just say'in! If you don't mind I thought I would throw you one that I've received to day maybe you can make heads or tails of it.
bookstore has reviewed "Enlightened" | Edit
life takes and does not offer I propose to give to this young or other person but encounters relate to unknown very nice words all literature is impossible for one to keep - but give to poetry when it suffers and wants life. of old history of poems in libraries are the bestest reference now in time society."
Thanks for giving me a good laugh today have a great one!
I feel a sense of love lost yet still entwined by a soul connection. That connection keeping you basically stuck in a prison of your own making not being able to move on. Great read!
The flow of this captured me!Very descriptive I could see in my minds eye the life of this rose from the birth of seed, to its opening to life, and the purity of emotion such a simple act of nature can inspire.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pmcdonagh
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 7:01am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
I really enjoyed the premise and feel. Now I'm no expert in form or punctuation when it comes to writing whatsoever yet, some of the verses are long and seem to throw off the flow and rhythm. It was suggested to me to read my poetry out loud to myself and find the areas where it seems to throw off the Cadence. Just a suggestion you can take it or leave it. Have a wonderful evening!