FEEDBACK FOR: "Rockabee by Timothy O’Fallon, aka Basilides (A fantasy tale about rocks and a town in Ireland)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl, author of "MY BREASTS -- My Cure" , and a proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS
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My general comments
Hello again, my friend. This is still my morning raid on your port. I’m helping myself with your Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee and peach yogurt. ( ) First of all, I just want to let you know that after reading this totally engrossing and enjoyable fantasy tale, I wondered where I’d been, and why did I wait this long to read it? I’ve seen it on the Auto-rewards section many times, and yet it’s just now that I decided to read it. What was I thinking?
I just finished an R&R on your piece (Is There Scientific Proof of God?), and what a leap, from a religious quest to a fantasy story about human-wannabe rocks. This is really making my day. And what a beautiful winter day in Colorado it is. Yep, all the vibrant colors of autumn are now history, such is the shortest season in the Rocky Mountains. From 8,200 feet I look down the monochromatic splendor of winter. Such beauty. Ahh, there’s got to be a Supreme Being who created such glorious nature.
The Plot
This is a beguiling story of geological proportion; to put it plainly, about rocks. But not just any kind of rocks; these are live, mysterious, passionate and energetic ones. These are the ones whose primary quest is to find the "supreme creator" who can transform them into humans. And the legend is that the creator exists somewhere, but to get there is to risk extreme danger, because it’s a place where angels fear to tread. One rockling by the name of Vee grows up with one wish, and would not stop till she attains that wish: to meet the Great Sculptor and turn her into a person. Many of the non-believing Rockabees warn her that it’s all but a myth; that there is no such thing as a Great Sculptor who turns stones to people. She ignores the warnings and threats, and she goes off on an expedition. In the end, Vee and the Great Sculptor finally meet.
Characterization
Did I say "live, mysterious, passionate and energetic rocks?" Yes, indeed. You took some inanimate objects and gave life to them on paper. Vee, Gran, Flint and Sillica are all captivating characters with human-like qualities. I kept forgetting they were rocks. You created 3-dimensional rockboards, and that’s quite an achievement. Bravo.
Technical comments
Imagery: A visual feast.described in mesmerizing detail.
Grammar, spelling, punctuation: Perfect.
Flow: Smooth as marble..
A favorite part
Every sentence, every paragraph, is a favorite for me. I will choose something simple and short; hence: So the living stones moved about, they spoke to one another in gravelly voices, and they even built a little town for themselves. They named the town Crrrkgrrnchgrblgrbleknchpchhhhh. But this is hard to say, so I will call it "Rockabee".
Least favorite part
None.
Suggestions
None.
Final comments
Excellent job. This is superbly presented and crafted. Bravo to you.
Write on. Keep writing.
orientpearl
I write for the cure!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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