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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/poetjmariah
Review Requests: OFF
118 Public Reviews Given
122 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am thorough when I review. I like to include my overall impression of or feel for the piece of writing. Then I like to go into details explaining why - what worked for me and what didn't. I may include my favourite and/or my least favourite elements of the writing. I am honest and encouraging. I do not write fluff reviews simply to boost the number of my reviews.
I'm good at...
Rhythm and rhyme (in poetry) and Grammar and punctuation are my forte.
Favorite Genres
Emotional, Romance/Love, Relationships, Nature, Philosophical, Paranormal, Fantasy, Erotic
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Gothic, War, Political
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Prose, Short Stories, Flash Fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
lengthy book chapters, Essays
I will not review...
I will not review anything that fails to evoke some level of emotion or understanding in me. I will not review anything that is so littered with spelling or grammar mistakes that I have a difficult time reading through it. I will not review anything that is vulgar or gory.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Miss Me  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tah-lia Crawford Author Icon

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section.

In my opinion your poem is brilliant. I can relate to the difficulty of missing the person who's passed. I lost my mom some years ago, and I still miss her dearly. But I feel this poem isn't about you missing your mom, but you imploring your loved ones now, that when it's time for you to go, it's ok to be sad, but let me go. This is so deeply personal and emotionally strong.

I love the first stanza, I guess because I feel the same way. So I can relate to the sentiments relayed in those lines.

The rhythm and rhyme work well for this poem, and the tone is soft and calming. You are being practical about a very emotional subject, and you handle so very well.

The line, "And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds," is an important line, because it's one thing to tell your loved ones not to be sad too long, but this line tells them how they can accomplish that. Our own sadness is always eased when we are focusing on helping others in their need.

My favourite line, is the repeated line, "Miss me.... but let me go.". You let your wishes be known in a very sweet and loving way. And probably through your own ability to let your mother go.

Bless you *Heart*

JMariah *Quill*
"Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of Longing  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sara Persaud Author Icon

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section.

*PushpinY*In my opinion, your poem is deeply emotional. You have suffered a terrible loss, and now you are searching for elements of a lost love in everyone around you. In the first 4 lines you express the depth of that searching, the yearning. Then you explore the startling thought - what would you do if you actually did find traces of that love in someone else, would you settle for the pieces? Wow! That is so profound.

*PushpinB*What works for me in your poem is the smooth transition from the yearning for the glimpses to the wondering what you would do, if...? And will that be enough?

*PushpinBl*The form you used for your poem really works - free verse, no punctuation.

*PushpinR*What doesn't work? Well, there isn't anything. There are no spelling or grammar errors.

*PushpinG*Overall, in my opinion, your poem is well written; it definitely made me feel the yearning very deeply.

Well done
Keep writing

JMariah *Quill*
"Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Unattainable  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi tblaine Author Icon

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section.

*Heart*In my opinion, this is a very beautiful poem expressing a burning, forbidden love between two people from different worlds - different stations in life. In his love, he yearned to have her near him. But it was a love that society would not allow. Here is a man who loves so deeply, that he dared to be lifted to where she is.

*HeartT*You have used precise words, describing this love so succinctly. You have not littered this poem with filler words to force rhymes. The rhythm and rhyme of this poem are spot-on, making this poem very enjoyable to read.

*HeartO*As a piece that sparks emotion, it definitely does that. I could feel the passion in the lines you wrote. The underlying ache I felt is from the fact that nowhere in the poem does it say this love was reciprocated.

*HeartG*I found no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation. This poem was easy to read and understand. All the lines clearly supported the main idea.

*HeartRainbow*Beautifully written
Keep up the great work,

JMariah *Quill*
"Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of Tomorrow  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hello Mindertwenty Author Icon

I came across you poem while scrolling the list of members who have anniversaries today. So, I thought I would stop in and read, then send you a review. My review is simply my opinion about how your poem speaks to me.

My first impression: For the description of this poem, you wrote "A poem that came to me as I was thinking about what to do after I graduate." So, it was obvious to me that you are thinking about your future. After reading several time, I get the feeling that you are confused, or unsure about your future.

Style: This poem is written in free verse, which is most effective for this poem, as you have more freedom of expression.

My confusion: My confusion with this poem came fairly early. The first line is brilliant. Then the second line seems to contradict the first, which caused confusion.

Tomorrow is so far away,
But that seems like yesterday.

I can understand that tomorrow, or your future seems so far away. But why does that seem like yesterday, like the past? This is confusing to me. I don't know what you are trying to convey here. Then you talk about getting a revelation, but that it is brief - like a fleeting idea? One that came and went? This revelation is the idea about taking initiative. But haven't you been doing that by going to school? "Reaching for the stars"? I understand about you needing to take the reins yourself, that's great, it speaks to me of being in control. And you end with "The future is mine for the taking.". Yes, it is. But all the confusing phrases seem to say that you are not quite believing that. By the way "Reaching for the stars" is a saying meaning trying to achieve a far-reaching goal. But in the line that follows this one, you take it literally, and say, "But I’d surely have one by now." You'd have a star? Do you see why this poem is so confusing to me?

My overall opinion: I think you are thinking deeply about your future and you are unsure about what it holds for you. I think you are trying to put down you thoughts about maybe your fears, definitely how fast time is passing. But you are struggling to find the words that will translate all that to me (your reader). I realise that this poem was written awhile ago, but you have featured it, wanting people to read it. And you have done no edits to it since it was first posted.

I would suggest you continue to work on it. Do some editing. You and your poem are worth it. You have some good points, now you just need to find the best way to get your thoughts across. Remember that this is just one person's opinion. You can take it or leave it as you wish. Afterall, this is your poem *Smile*

Best wishes with your writing
Keep it up,

JMariah *Quill*
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.*SuitHeart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of The Painter  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hello CMBaker Author Icon

I came across your poem while browsing a list of members who have anniversaries today. I thought I would stop and have a read, then send you a review. My review is just my opinion of how your poem speaks to me.

*Tackr*My first impression: Your poem made me feel very warm inside. I, too, love to look at beautiful sunrises and sunsets, when the sky is painted such vibrant colours. The first stanza is very strong, especially the line "Of pastel pinks and soft jeweled greens". This line is so descriptive.

*Tackg*Rhythm and rhyme: I like how you mostly stuck to a rhythm, though you didn't bind yourself strictly to it. This gives you some leeway when it comes to lengths of lines. Your rhyming was interesting; you weren't afraid to use near-rhymes, and they work for this poem.

*Tackb*Two things to share: The last line of the second stanza says, "I knew I'd remember that glory.". The very next line (the first line of the third stanza) says, "Whether pastel or vibrance, I cannot recall". You seem to betray yourself writing this second line, and right after the first. Then in line 3 of that last stanza, you write "Like a gift painted out just for me and my car," - my car? I was disappointed. What a beautiful poem expressing the gorgeous colours painted in the sky as you drove, God's handiwork just for you (a personal gesture) and your car! Sorry, but I think putting your car in there took some of the beauty of the gesture away.

*Tack*My overall opinion: I think you wrote a very lovely poem about God's artwork in the sky. But for me putting your car in there, tainted it. I would suggest taking that out. But that is just my opinion.

Happy Anniversary
and happy writing

JMariah *Quill*
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6
6
Review of Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hello Zion Author Icon

I came across your poem while browsing the list of members who have anniversaries today. I thought I would stop by and give it a read and send a review.

*Sad*My first impression: Your poem is a very sad retelling of a love relationship that ends, and how the words "I love you" no longer mean anything. I definitely felt the pain and the hurt in the lines you wrote. I have been there, so I can relate.

*ThumbsUpR*What work for me: I like that you wrote this in free verse, and in your own voice (plain language); it adds to the seriousness of the message. I really like the first stanza; I found it to be quite powerful in its message. Especially the last line of that stanza when you say of those precious words "Yet so meaningless now".

*Think*The second stanza: In the second stanza, you talk about how the joy of being loved kept you up at night, time seemed to drag and things didn't seem to bother you (the use of mosquitoes here is not effective to the imagery for me). The last line seems a bit awkward, but I think I know what you mean by it.

*FacePalm*What doesn't work for me: What I have the most difficulty with is the last stanza. In it, you tell how things are now that the "I love you" has been made void. You use a collection of sentence fragments and no punctuation to say nothing coherent for me to understand. Let me unravel the stanza and show you what I mean.

Now with tears on my cheeks [I] Wonder and contemplate why [how] Words so precious, but yet [now] void A custom, they have become A [the] reason for searing my heart

I have crossed out and inserted words to create sense out of this last stanza. This is just an example of course. And the poem is yours to leave as is, or change as you wish. My opinion is just that - my opinion. It is how your poem speaks to me.

*Smile*Overall opinion: I think you have a lot of strong emotions that you want to express. I think if you tidy up the grammar, you will have a work you can truly be proud of.

Best wishes with this poem
And Happy Anniversary!

JMariah *Quill*
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.*SuitHeart*


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7
7
Review of Butter  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hello creatress Author Icon

I came across your poem while browsing through the list of members with anniversaries today. I thought I'd stop and read, then send a review.

My first impression: You poem is full of descriptive words, that capture my imagination. While reading, I could see the melted butter pouring over a bagel or into the pockets of an English muffin.

My favourite line: "polinates palates". Nicely descriptive.

The only thing that threw me, is the word "currency" in line 2. It seemed out of place for me.

Overall opinion: I think you wrote a poem that described very well what it is like to experience eating butter at breakfast time.

*ThumbsUpR*Well done!
Keep writing,

JMariah *Quill*
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.*SuitHeart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello MJones Author Icon

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section, and thought I would stop and read, then send a review.

My first impression: This is a very tender poem of support, and also trust on the part of the younger tree. This is a analogy of how people can support each other.

What works for me: I like that you used trees in this analogy, not only because I love trees, but they actually do work together this way.

What doesn't work for me: The only thing I would suggest you change is in line 5, where you describe the younger tree as having no roots, when in fact this couldn't be. The younger tree, even as a sapling, would have roots. It may have fragile, young, weak, tender roots, but it does actually have roots.

Overall opinion: I think this is very well written. You met the challenge of the writing prompt. Thanks for sharing.

*Clap*Well done!
Keep writing

JMariah *Quill*
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9
9
Review of When Doves Cry  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello iKïyå§ama Author Icon

I came across you short story in the Browse by Type section, and thought I would read and send you a review.

My first impression: This is such a beautifully written, sad story. It definitely made me feel deeply.

The Style: I love how you interspersed the memories of this loving husband and father throughout the phone call that brought such bad news. Through the memories, you tell the story of their home life, their love for each other, his playfulness with the children, and having another child on the way. You not only portray the braveness of the husband, but also the wife, as she choses to go on. She makes a conscious decision to raise the children the best way she can, as she holds onto his last words. This is very moving.

Mechanics: I found no spelling, punctuation or grammatical mistakes. This story is perfectly executed.

Overall opinion: This is a brilliant story. Everything you wrote had purpose in the story, helping to move the story along. I'm impressed!

*Clap*Very well done!
I'm so glad you shared this
Keep up the great work

JMariah *Quill*
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello Mary Author Icon

I came across your short story in the Browse by Type section, and thought I would stop, read and send you a review.

First of all, after reading this "short story" (and browsing briefly at your others), I would assume that you are either a young writer, or that English is not your first language. That is not to be rude in anyway. But because of that I will go a little easy on you about your writing. This piece of writing would be better called "prose" than a "story".

Picking through the rambling, I get the idea that you first want to introduce yourself. You say you are nothing special, that you need love and you love deeply. Then you talk about not sleeping at night, and go straight into the pains in your body, and having stress all the time. Then you go back to needing love and companionship, that life has been a roller coaster...guys...fear of meeting guys...and on. It seems like you have something to say, but you are not sure exactly what it is, or how to say it.

What you have written seems to be the first thing that came out of your head, when you thought about your need to be with a guy and your fear of meeting one. That is only the beginning of writing - getting all the thoughts down first. The next step is to decide what exactly you want to say about yourself, then put your points in some kind of order.

Punctuation is also very important, because it will help you make sense in your writing, and make it easier for your readers to understand what you have to say.

Finally, I am very glad that you chose to write, it is a great way to express yourself. I think you should keep at it. Follow the tips from those who review your work, and you will make your writing better and better.

I wish you all the best in your writing journey.

JMariah *Quill*
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11
11
Review of Few words  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hello Udy Author Icon

I came across your poem while browsing through members who have an anniversary today, and thought I'd stop, read and send a review.

My fist impression: This is a sad poem about mistrust. It takes a pessimistic view - nothing wrong with that.

What works for me: You wrote this poem in free verse, which really works for the content, and the seriousness of the content. You also wrote it in every-day language, nothing flowery or pretensive, which adds to the seriousness of the poem.

What doesn't work for me: The last two lines, I found to be very harsh and unbelievable. As I read this poem to be a serious warning to someone about the friends they are hanging with, I had to read the last two lines as serious also. But I could not.

Personal experience: I think this subject you chose to speak on is something that happens very often. I, too, have had this happen to me, so I can relate. I've had people pretend to be my friends, then talk trash about me behind my back. I would value the warnings from a true friend, as you give here.

Grammar: In the line "least they kill you", the word "least" should be "lest".

My overall opinion: I think you are well meaning in trying to warn someone of their false friends. But I don't think your arguments are strong enough to make the person listen to you, especially the last two lines. Great attempt. Keep on going.

Keep writing
JMariah *Quill*
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.*SuitHeart*


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12
12
Review of Tonight  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hello Jeff Author Icon

I came across your poem while browsing the list of those with anniversaries today, and thought I'd stop to read and review.

My first impression: I read this poem several times, and got the feeling that its direction changed from the initial lines, which is totally fine, except I found myself lost. It seems to be a love poem of sorts, but it loses something in the message along the way.

What works for me: This poem is definitely a good sounding poem. The rhyme and rhythm work together well to make this poem easy on the ears.

What works for me: The following lines are what drew me into your poem. These are excellent starting lines that sparked my interest and made me want to read on. They are written very succinctly, with just the right words needed to get your points across.

Dwell not upon this choice tonight,
but weigh decisions wrong and right.
When gentle touch and tender kiss,
progresses to a night of bliss, *CupidArrowL*grammar: should be "progress"
what outcomes can become of this?
I wish I had the answers.

This sounds like two people are planning to get together and perhaps make love. There is talk of a gentle touch and tender kiss progressing to a night of bliss. Then comes the question of what outcomes may come of this. This is a very good question, as there may be many different consequences to the pair hooking up: they could lose the friendship, get even closer, become pregnant, etc. And wanting to know the answers ahead of time is something to ponder, but you can't know until the deed is done. Fair enough.

What doesn't work for me: What I struggled with was how the questioning period written in the following lines was laid out.

Why can't there be a list?
Will life sync up like dancers,
or ball into a fist?

I assume that the speaker is going through his mind about the previously mentioned outcomes and is trying to weigh (as he suggested) the right and wrong of the deed. These lines seem to have been written to fit into the rhyme. They are written as if they are opposites of each other, but they are not.

Our single path may split and fray,
like prisms shone with light.

These lines seem to be saying that one of the options is that we may spit up afterward. But this splitting is described using the image of something beautiful.

No matter what the choice you choose,
my love will hold you tight.

After stating that he didn't have the answers about what may happen, and exploring some of the possibilities, the writer states emphatically that his love will hold you tight. It's confusing to me, then, if the writer knows or doesn't know the outcome (as previously stated).

Disclaimer: It may seem that I am picking on you, but I'm really not. I'm sorry if this review seems harsh. I reviewed your poem the way I review my own, and the way I hope that others review mine. My only motivation is to help. This is your poem and you can leave it just as you wrote it. You are the only one who knows what you intended to say.

Overall opinion: I think the first 6 lines are such a great start for a fantastic poem. But I think you allowed the poem to go into another direction, putting more emphasis on the rhyming of the lines, than the sense of the message. If I didn't think this poem had potential, I would not have taken the time to review it. I urge you to edit.

I wish you well with it.
Keep writing,

JMariah *Quill*
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.*SuitHeart*


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13
13
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author Icon

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section, and thought I'd stop by to read and review.

First of all: I tried to read this poem with a Texas accent, but didn't do too well *Smile*. I'm glad I live alone, so no one could hear me and make fun of how I sounded. But I did give it attitude with the head movements *BigSmile*

Meeting the contest: You nailed it. This is so funny! *Rolling* And you used a lot of cow-themed words in the poem.

Your challenge: You challenged your readers to find the reference to the children's book and 2 commercials. Well I think "click-aty, clack-ity typewriters" sounds familiar to me; that could be from a children's book. "Where's the beef?" - I remember that from a commercial, and I'm thinking that "single striploin" could be from the second commercial. How fun it is that you put this in your post. I got to read a funny poem and take part in a type of treasure hunt *ThumbsUpGreen*

Mechanics: I didn't notice any problems with spelling mistakes, punctuation or line breaks.

Overall opinion: You wrote a terrific entry for this challenge. You covered everything you were asked to cover, and you made me laugh.

*Clap*Very well done!
Keep writing,

JMariah *Quill*
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14
14
Review of No Idea  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi woodswoman Author Icon

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section, and thought I'd stop by and give it a read and review. I also see that you are new to WDC, so I'd like to say welcome *Party*

First impression: I love your poem. Isn't that just the way cats are? This had my laughing. I've had many cats and they do seem to have visions of grandeur *BigSmile*

Mechanics:
*CheckR*I really like that you dedicated the first stanza to your cat and the second to the poor unfortunate man who broke in.
*CheckB*The rhyme and rhythm of this poem worked very well for the subject matter. The metre (of 4 feet per line) paired with the couplets, gave this tale a sing-song feel - perfect for this humorous tale.
*CheckY*You used some creative descriptions in your poem like, "she was tiger tall", "screaming fury" and "the Warrior Queen".

My favourite line is definitely the last line. In it, you show that your cat is no longer bothered about the break-in, she did what she had to do to defend the house, and now she is curled up, content and dreaming of catching a mouse *Rolling* That is hilarious!

Overall opinion: You have written a humorous poem that made me laugh.

*Clap*Well done!
Keep writing,

JMariah *Quill*
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15
15
Review of the Real Me  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Jane Doe,

I came across you prose in the Browse by Type section, and thought I'd stop and it a read.

Made me feel? This piece of writing has me feeling quite sad for you. I know what it's like to go through the world feeling broken and abused. And where medication and therapy are just band aids covering the real problem, tape as you put it, to stick the pieces of you together.

I definitely can relate to the feeling of having the real self "constantly suppressed".

The saddest line? "How can I love and accept myself when the real me isn’t safe to come to the surface?" You are not alone. Allow the therapy to help you find any part of the real you that you can hold onto.

You are very brave to put your personal thoughts and feelings down for others to read and scrutinize. I definitely wish you well in your journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. You are worth the effort.

Best wishes, my friend
And keep writing

JMariah *Quill*
"Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.


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16
16
Review of whisper  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello sunny side up Author Icon

I came across you piece of prose in the Browse by Type section. Welcome to WDC; I see that you have joined us today. It is such a wonderful place to be. I feel honored to be reading your first post and to give you a review.

My first impression? I think this is a very sweet story about the advice given to a little girl. In fact, it seems that you are speaking to your younger self. You are warning her based on things you know she will go through, because you went through them yourself. You hint at this when you say "we’re both living for the first time" and "i know we like growing old". Also you say she can't hear you or see you.

What I like? I like that you don't come right out and say that you are speaking to your younger self, and you allow the reader to figure it out on their own. You obviously feel very tenderly about all you've gone through and want to use it as a teaching tool, because when the little girl says "I can't wait to grow old" you smile and tear up, knowing that her today is so precious.

What confused me? I was confused by the description of this piece. First of all Whisper is a great title, because of the fact that the girl couldn't hear you. It fit the piece very well. But when you wrote the description, to let us know what this writing is all about, you wrote "bloom by the paper kites". That confused me, as I don't know what that means, or what it has to do with your prose piece. Also the last line was a bit confusing. All the way through, you are being supportive, encouraging. Then at the very end you tell the little girl that today is "greater than what the future holds", which seems more like a discouragement. I don't think you meant to discourage at the end. Perhaps you just struggled to find the words you wanted to say. I'm guessing of course.

Overall? I think this is a beautiful piece of writing. It made me feel nostalgic; it touched my heart with tenderness.

*Clap*Well done,
Keep writing

JMariah *Quill*
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17
17
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Oh I'm so glad I stumbled across your poem, while browsing for those who have anniversaries today. I had a right old chuckle while reading this poem *Rolling*. I was young when I heard about some of these Halloween antics that the teenagers used to get up to. I could just see this older gentleman, sitting and reminiscing, while waiting for the Trick or Treaters to knock on his door.

This poem is hilarious! The rhyme worked well for the content too. You told the story well about this old man missing the good old days.

Thanks for the laugh
Keep writing,

JMariah *Quill*
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18
18
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello cubert Author IconMail Icon,

I came across you poem browsing a list of authors with anniversaries this month, and I thought I would take some time to read and review this little gem. I've never collaborated on a poem before, I think that's really cool *Cool*

My first impression? This poem is very creatively written. It is a sad love poem, about a love that doesn't happen. Ingenious!

What I like? I really like how you describe the not-loving, the not-coming together by exploring all the sensations of coming together and telling how it feels to not have that happen. You came up with many verbs and adjectives without having to repeat any. That alone is phenomenal. Then the last four lines bring the poem back to the beginning where you mention "the kiss that never comes".

My favourite lines? The last four lines are my favourite. They are the most powerful in the whole poem, and they left me with a sigh. There's a longing, a sad aching at the end of this poem in those last four lines.

Mechanics? The first four lines of the poem are written with 4 feet per line, as are the last four lines. The lines between them alternate between 4 feet per line and 3 feet per line. I don't know if this was done on purpose, but it works totally fine for the poem. I don't see the reason for the last four lines to be indented, as opposed to standing alone as a separate stanza. Not only do the lines return to the 4 feet, but the style changes to one of summing up the previous thoughts into a conclusion. So, I feel it could have been written as a separate stanza. But the presentation of a poem is the authors prerogative, so I accept that you separated these lines by using indentation rather than a line space.

My overall opinion? I think this poem is brilliant! I could find nothing I would change apart from the spacing of the last four lines, which is a personal choice.

Well done!
Keep writing,

JMariah *Quill*
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19
19
Review of The Tree  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Nadnerb Author IconMail Icon,

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section, and thought I would read it and send a review.

*Tree*My first impression is that this is not a poem, as it lacks one basic element that all poems have, and that is line breaks. Upon reading, I can see that you have some very deep questions about a tree. The tree, I take it, is a metaphor for any living creature seeing its reflection in water.

*TreeFall*I like the questions that you ask. For it's in the questions that you caused me to think, and thus understand the depth of your thinking.

*Trees*What didn't work for me, though, was giving the tree a voice. And then, you gave it a moral compass, by asking if it feels ashamed of itself. For me, this was too far off track. But, that's just me *StarStruck* I's possible that is exactly what you were going for.

*TreeFall3*My overall opinion of this poem is that you have some great questions to get me started on my journey of self-reflection, but I don't think it gets to any particular point at the end for me to ponder. In a piece of writing that asks questions and makes me look inside, as a lot of metaphoric works do, I need to be able to apply it to myself. I wasn't able to with this poem. I would also suggest you think about using line breaks or simply list it as prose, rather than poetry.

This is definitely a good start. You obviously have some great ideas that need to be put down on paper. And remember this review is just one person's opinion.

Keep writing!
JMariah *Quill*
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20
20
Review of I Fear  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Dan I Am Author IconMail Icon

This is an amazing poem. What a difficult form, but you nailed it!

I'm impressed that you were able to fit the desired meaning into this form, and still have all the lines fit well together, supporting each other. This is a gift for sure *Smile*

The only thing I would perhaps question is lines 3 and 4 in the 2nd stanza. Yes, they fit the form. But when I look deeper at them, I am not convinced by the lines that precede them, that this is the stand that has to be taken. Why alone? And why is the future brittle? These lines introduce a new concept, I suppose, that could have come from the pondering about the state of one's being.

Overall? I think this poem is brilliant. What I mentioned about those 2 lines is so minor. Take it with a grain of salt.

Nicely done!
JMariah *Quill*
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21
21
Review of Thoughtfulness  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn-elf Author IconMail Icon,

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section and thought I'd read and review it.

*StarfishY*My first impression? This poem made me smile and say, "Aw, that's so sweet".

*StarO*The form is very new to me; I came across it, for the first time, very recently. You nailed it here.

*StarV*The message? You packed quite a story into these 3 lines. Someone special picked flowers for you, and though they are dying now, you still keep them. The petals fall onto your keyboard; you don't brush them away, but smile and type around them. The person who picked them was thoughtful, and you are very appreciative. This poem made me smile, because it spoke of love. Not a wild and crazy love, but a warmth sweeping through the heart kind of love. And that is so sweet.

*StarB*My overall opinion? You so nailed the form. You touched my heart and made me feel the love expressed in the poem.

Thank you for sharing,
JMariah *Quill*
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22
22
Review of Daffodil  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi B. Tels Author IconMail Icon,

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section and thought I'd take some time to read and review.

*CheckG*My first impression was "This is an interesting poem". Then after my second read I felt the warmth and comfort of the poem.

*CheckV*I really like the whole concept of looking into a mirror. It is an image of examining oneself. At the beginning you don't recognize yourself, perhaps something has changed, you don't say - allowing me to speculate (I like that). Then you take comfort in the shadows; this is powerful, as if turning to the negative of an image, and taking comfort there.

*CheckO*The second stanza really pulled me in. You don't say that you close your eyes, but later you open them. But here you take comfort in other people/things looking at their reflections. You portray these episodes as tender and loving. Even the birds mocking each other seems like they are being playful.

*CheckB*The last stanza is one of hope. You tied it back to the beginning when you realise that you are actually not alone in your reflection. But this was a bit confusing for me. Are you not alone because all these other images are part of you? Maybe. Is it because when you see yourself in the mirror, you also see them? Maybe. Are you relating to all others who regard themselves in a reflection and wonder who they are? Maybe. Maybe you are leaving that to the readers' interpretation. I didn't feel that this was a powerful ending, but maybe it didn't need to be. Maybe you just wanted the reader to ponder. I'm not sure what was lacking for me in the ending, but I was left needing more.

*CheckY*Overall, I think this is a beautiful poem. It is one of hope and comfort, no matter how the reader interprets it. And I believe we've all looked in the mirror and not recognized ourselves. I know I have, so I can relate.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem.

JMariah *Quill*
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23
23
Review of Fear’s Ocean  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Teargen Author IconMail Icon,

I came across your poem in the Browse by Type section and thought I would take some time to read and review it. I only review work that moves me in some way. So let me tell you how your poem moved me.

My first impression when I read it through the first time was that it is a powerful poem, full of strong emotion, portrayed very effectively through first person, "in the moment" thoughts. When I read it for a second time, the brilliance of your poem shone through. Here's how:

You used very deliberate and powerful phrases to describe the anxious feeling of going into a store during the pandemic. Some are:

I with anxiety hosting the fear,

razor sharp teeth and long claws to incise.
Gripping me tight taking hold of my throat;

(Fear is the ice trickle chilling the spine;

hostages we in the pathogen’s rule.

These lines are brilliant descriptions. When you mention the masks, and that all you can see are eyes, then you relate this to bandits, Halloween, and the twilight zone. Brilliant again. All through the poem I could hear your heart beating faster, as you made your way through the store, trying hard to hold it together. Then you get to the cashier, and through all the challenges of the shopping excretion, you affirm that

I am the captain of my ship today.

You don't illude to what will happen tomorrow, but for today, you have overcome the anxiety (taking it one day at a time). Brilliant!

The only thing I was confused about was why the fifth stanza is in brackets, as if written as an aside. This didn't detract from the poem for me, it just confused me.

Another technique I thought really worked is the line length. You made the lines uniform, making this poem very easy to read and making the message of the poem difficult to miss.

My overall opinion of this poem is that it is very creatively written, brilliantly crafted totally effective in conveying the feeling of anxiety. I love it. I definitely felt the anxiety throughout the poem. This poem is a winner!

Well done!

JMariah *Quill*
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24
24
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jo Paynter (Christmas Cheer) Author IconMail Icon,

What a sad, sad poem this is. Poems are meant to make the reader think and/or feel; this one made me feel so very deeply. Well done!

As I was reading, I thought "oh yes, I know, adolescence". Then when I reached the last stanza, my heart sank.

What really works for me is that your poem moves from the happy child chronologically through her stages of life. And through each stage, you ask "What happened to Helene?" This is relatable, as we go through this with our own children and the children of our friends. And actually, I watched this happen with my son, who turned to drugs, jail and living on the streets, before he made his way back to a respectable life.

What doesn't work for me? Well, there really isn't anything I can point out. Your poem is spoken in plain language, giving seriousness and solemnity to each stanza.

Overall, I think this is a deeply moving poem.

*ThumbsUpR* Well done!

JMariah *Quill*


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25
25
Review of Her Crooked Smile  Open in new Window.
Review by JMariah Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ~Brian K Compton~ Author IconMail Icon

I came across your poem while browsing the "Please Review" section. I was quite moved by your poem.

My first impression is that it is a sad poem about a man trying to please his wife with a flower box, with flowers and bushes, but it was debatable whether she was actually pleased.

What worked for me was the description of the hard work the man went through to please his wife: turning his own father's wooden tool chest into a flower box, scrounging bushes from an abandoned school yard, then finally tending to her grave with the same loving care. This is love. He really loved this woman.

The structure of the poem was perfect. The fact that you wrote this in free verse really worked for the poem. There was not pretention. The repeated lines about the mother's smile were a very strong point that was accented through the whole poem.

The only thing that didn't work for me was the phrase "of yesterday" in the second stanza. We already know that the bushes were taken from an abandoned school yard, adding "of yesterday" seems redundant. Maybe, that's just me *Smile*

A powerful point is when the man eyes his work as she did (perhaps to see it as she would have seen it). And maybe he knew that her frown really was a smile, maybe he knew that she loved him too. This is so beautiful.

My overall feeling about this poem is that is so well crafted, so emotional, and speaks of a deep love. I was moved by this beautifully written poem.

*Clap* So well done!

JMariah *Quill*


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