Very nice children's story. I know my kids would enjoy it. I saw a few minor grammar errors that might help to improve your story. Just suggestions okay.
expect accept this one was bigger.
I think it was 35mins for them was like 5mins for us. You should put a space in-between 35 min. and 5 min. Also you don't need the (s) just a period at the end of min. because your abbreviating the word minute. Also the wording is a tad confusing I think it would read better like this: I think it was 35 min. for them but it was like 5 min. for us
I don’t know all I know is that there ‘time’ goes faster then ours! You need a comma after I don't know(,)
And you want to know where they put! I think you forgot to add me at the end of the sentence.
They feed fed me, took me out, and then, went to do there own business. Feed should be fed and you don't need the comma after then.
Well, she didn’t shoved shove.
I can tell you have a talent for writing as well as telling a story. Good Job and keep writing.
Heather
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/polarbear31
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 8:33am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
. I saw a few minor grammar errors that might help to improve your story. Just suggestions okay.