This was a knuckle-biting, on-the-edge-of-your-chair reading experience that was told in a way to draw the reader in from the very first, to the very last word. Both exciting and scary, these experiences were well-told.
Your honesty and openness is appreciated and admirable.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work.
These lyrics are reminiscent of Justin Moore's, "If Heaven Wasn't so Far Away", and just like his tune, the lyrics brought tears to my eyes.
The idea of Heaven being online is a unique concept. Very creative.
I enjoyed reading these lyrics. I would have listened to the tune, but I shy away from downloads. I've had too many problems with them in the past. I tried looking for it on You Tube, but, alas, to no avail.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
What a delightful tale! I loved every word of it. The dialogue, in itself, is enough to keep a reader entranced, much less the characters. The ending is absolutely superb! I truly delighted in this story. Fun, easy to read, colorful characters, fast-paced, suspenseful; it has everything.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
The idea that we are always constantly in meditation is very interesting.
I like the way the destination of the Titanic II is revealed without coming out and saying it; Scheduled to be launched and commissioned in late 2016, the Titanic ll will set sail from Liverpool to her destination, passing the statue of liberty and on into New York harbor.
This piece is well-written and intelligent. I did have a few suggestions, however:
In the following phrase . . . and praying to the God’s on Sundays . . . the apostrophe in God's isn't needed, and since it's a plural word, it should read . . . and praying to the gods on Sundays . . .
I thought using the word 'praying' in one instance, and 'preying' in the other, ingenious!
In the following, the words "no" and "thing" should be joined to read 'nothing': Period means no thing else.
In the following phrase, the comma should be moved over to the left a space: . . . burdened , bloviating entity . . .
In the following, . . . become explore able . . . the words "explore" and "able" should be joined together to read "explorable."
The final word isn't showing possession, so the apostrophe isn't needed.
All-in-all, I found this an interesting topic and very enlightening.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
Sometimes the deepest topics can be put into very short form and this little piece of prose is a good example of that. Short and concise, it packs a huge punch!
I have only one suggestion, the words "All go through my mind" aren't necessary since that's what the words ponder and cogitate mean. SUGGESTION:
Sometimes I wonder about the questions Man asks--
I ponder, cogitate, bitter and irate
And then I'm struck by consolation--
Perhaps, perhaps we are only here to wonder
All-in-all, this piece is interesting and thought-provoking.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I enjoyed the first five stanzas very much! The imagery is superb! I was going to focus on just certain lines, but every single line of those first five stanzas are awesome!
The only question I have that wasn't answered in this poem is what caused the transformation of this female? One moment she was hanging in there, refusing to give up, and the next, she was metamorphosed and was now suddenly new, whatever that might mean.
All-in-all, I enjoyed this poem; it was simple, passionate, and profound.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I found it very clever the way you described the butterfly as a female and the rock as a male. The way they relate to each other is portrayed in a unique way as well.
I especially enjoyed the following lines: a playful tease, she sways in trance, and she baths him. I'm not sure what is meant by bathing him, but I like it nevertheless.
All-in-all, I found this brief poem colorful, delightful, and fun to read!
Keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
You did a great job with this prologue! Your character, Maisie Barbier, is more than interesting, she's also fascinating!
I love the analogy you came up with by using the sea apple to explain what this character is all about. It was also enough to build curiosity because now I'm wanting to know why she said that!
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
Did you win the contest with this story? It was well-written. You did a lot with a short piece; your characters were real; it was easy to identify with them. The story had some twists and turns; thinking Madonna was going to bed when she ends up preparing to go to the party after all. And, of course, the ending, itself, is a bit of a surprise.
I enjoyed this read in spite of the tragic finale.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I like the way the the second line of the second verse rhymes in the middle with the first four lines of the poem, and then ends with a totally different rhyme to fit the second verse.
This poem, especially the first four lines, sounds like you chose some words to rhyme and then wrote a poem around them. Thus, the meaning of each rhymed word is a bit distorted . . . stretched . . . in order to meet the definition. Thus, I'm not sure what is meant by retort, resort, or report.
All-in-all, you managed to pack a huge message into a small package.
What can I say except one word; Clever! Very clever! You had my attention to the very end, which was a twist. A very humorous twist! The dialogue plays right into the atmosphere of this piece, along with the characters.
I didn't find any grammatical errors or mistakes of any kind.
All-in-all, this is a very enjoyable read!
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
Good one! This was an enjoyable read that has me wondering what's going to happen next. I found it exciting and the characters believable and intriguing. Great finishing line.
I didn't find any grammatical errors or mistakes of any kind.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
The humor of this piece is evident right from the first paragraph. Lu's dialogue is charming, cute, and has an appealing way of luring the reader into the story and keeping her/him entertained throughout. What a character! One can't help but fall in love with him.
I like the clever way you tied in Little Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs with your main wolf character.
The ending is great. I wonder if Lu managed to woo his darling after all. I'm sure the sheepdog was no match for his wiles!
I didn't find any grammatical errors or other mistakes of any kind.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
This entry could be summed up in one word: Exciting! I love the descriptions; very real, very heartfelt, believable. I enjoyed the rich green grass blowing in the wind of my mind's eye. I enjoyed the character; her thoughts, her attitude.
I didn't run across any grammatical errors, or other mistakes.
I'm curious to know how this story progresses, and to what end.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
The humor is what makes this story so strong! The ending couldn't have been better! I enjoyed it from beginning to end. The characters are colorful, yet believable. Your words paint a graphic picture which makes it easy for the reader to envision.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
Wow! What a testimony! Indeed, the glory is all God's when prayer is said in the name of Jesus!
This piece is well-written and sends a very important message. I pray many people will be affected by these words and, perhaps, come to know God through your testimonial. I'll bet you'll be praising His name for the rest of your life over this!
Ah, yes, those unwanted showers . . . those sticky, swirling ideas and concepts, those fluffy ever-present voices, hovering over our minds like balloons .. . how can one concentrate when those intruding raindrops are always interrupting our chain of thought?
This poem describes those little trespassers with imagery and captures the spirit with skill.
I found this piece enjoyable from the first little raindrop to the final sending off of the uninvited balloon.
As always, keep writing . . . the world of literature would be a very dull place without your pen!
This little story was compelling enough to keep me reading. I couldn't wait to find how it would end. It was a little disappointing; I was expecting something else; something more. Perhaps the ending would have been more fitting if the story had been longer; if the main character had been embellished a bit more, as well as the old lady.
All-in-all, I found it fun to read, I didn't find any grammatical errors or other mistakes.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I could use one word to describe this poem; Cute. The way each line was put together created a vision of a cute hen, a cute rooster, and a cute heaven. Very clever. Somehow I could picture the hands, the flying shirt-tails as the hens were scattered . . . a white shirt it was! Ha ha!
I enjoyed the rhyme scheme as well as the imagery.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I enjoyed this piece so much I thought it might be useful to include a few suggestions, if you don't mind.
In the following sentence, the word 'real' isn't necessary and would read much more smoothly without it:
She had gotten real ill on her birthday SUGGESTION: She had gotten ill on her birthday
The following sentence should read 'She and dad could not wait to see me . . " : .Dad and her could not wait to see me
The word 'brother' should be plural in the following sentence: I had three brother and four sisters that followed my birth,
In the following sentence, the word 'frustrate' should be written in past tense, 'frustrated', and the remainder of the sentence is unclear. Perhaps the word 'because' would help if it were inserted between the words 'God', and 'mom': I was so frustrated with God because mom seemed to have lost so much.
In the following sentence, the words 'on her face' are not needed; She pointed to heaven with a big smile on her face. SUGGESTION: She pointed to heaven with a big smile. (Since this thought isn't clear, you could use the rest of the sentence to explain how her smile 'pointed to heaven' . . . perhaps by saying something like the smile on her face was evident that she felt close to heaven).
The following sentence would flow smoother if it were worded differently: The basic message she have others to know is to share love that they might not know otherwise.
SUGGESTION: Her basic message was always the same; the love you show others may be the only love they'll ever know.
Another suggestion might be that it's not necessary to keep repeating this theme throughout the essay. Once in the beginning, and then again at the end, would be sufficient.
Incidentally, I love the ending! It's perfect!
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
Although the meaning behind the lines of this poem is strong and well-stated, the poem, itself, is just a work in disconnected sentences. The following is just a suggestion, mainly to show what I'm talking about. Please don't think I'm asking you to change your poem, or that I think it has no value. You place your heart on your sleeve when you write your emotions and I applaud you for your courage and your talent!
The following is my suggestion. Keep in mind, it is only my opinion and NOTHING MORE.
Self-dignity is relevant to its cause
When there seems to be no meaning to life.
Without a purpose, there is no dream
And all that's left is one's isolated mattress
If one allows negativity to control his mind,
the result is ensuing depression.
Fighting for happiness can be brutal
to the soul for it is a most coveted emotion.
It takes determination to continue living
When there is no reason to step out of bed.
I like this poem. I especially enjoyed the meaning behind the following lines:
". . . happiness when we are torn apart,"
". . . tranquility when we are smoldering."
".. . terrified over normality.'
and, finally, the grand finale:
". . . fuel of deadly feelings will burn
The only way this poem could be improved upon is if you used specifics instead of generalities, such as " . . . happiness when our hearts are broken with grief", or ". . . tranquility when the hurt is smoldering deep inside . . . and, ". . . fuel of hateful emotions . . ."
Just an opinion.
Hold onto that 'pen'! It's always a joy to read your work!
The first line of this poem caught my attention. It is well-said and so true! Boredom sure does cause time to stand still, or so it gives that illusion.
I'm wondering if the words 'disciple mind' were meant to be 'disciplined mind" --
All-in-all, this is a good poem with a great message.
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