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Review Requests: OFF
1,392 Public Reviews Given
2,269 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.
I'm good at...
Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.
Favorite Genres
Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.
I will not review...
Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ello, SoCal! Here is the review you requested. I hope you find something of use in these meandering ramblings!

My Initial impressions of "The Wayward Cataphiles" Open in new Window. Wow! This entire story was a series of twists I didn't see coming! I really love where you took the plot with this one. I haven't read too many stories about these creatures...especially not in the horror realm, but when you think about it...it makes sense. (I for one know, at least in the Irish culture, they are considered quite evil.) Plus, I liked how you kept the cycle going at the end. No happy solutions here! *smirks*

The characters: Poor, poor Stephen. I mean you have to feel for the guy. Here he is, trying to enjoy his vacation in a beautiful country most of us would die to see... He runs into a gorgeous woman and thinks he is going to get lucky. He seemed nice enough and average to the point you could relate.

Astrid...I got the impression she was smoking hot, but I couldn't really visualize her. We did, however know our poor male protagonist was drawn to her like the proverbial moth to the flame. I liked the subtle details you used though, like her lilting French accent. Nice touch.

Setting/Plot: I absolutely loved that you used France and the Catacombs. They've always been so fascinating to me. There's darkness, beauty, and mystery all rolled into one there. Really amazing setting, especially for your plot. The plot, as I said above was excellent. It moved fast, with plenty of sinister twists and bends!

Style & Voice: Very clean cut writing. It's straight, to the point and keeps the story flowing at a rapid pace. The third person omniscient POV worked great. You definitely wouldn't have had the same effect with anything else here.

*Star*Favorite Part: Tiny little teeth and wings like dragonflies. *Smirk* I love it!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:
None! The writing and the story were both exactly what I've come to expect when I visit your port. A flawless and engaging read!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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2
Review of Aokigahara  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Storytellers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow...I really don't know what to say here. You left me speechless!

This place and its connotations give me the goosebumps. I was shuddering with those delightful shivers of fear and...something unnameable. It's terrifying to think that such places exist in this world, and you brought that into such stunning clarity. Your words are haunting in their beauty, but this place that waits to feast on the lives and souls of those who pass through is anything but!

This really got me wondering. Is it the loss of life that makes these forests so sinister? Is it as you eluded, perhaps the volcanic remnants beneath? Or is it something much more, like Apollo? Is there a curse, or is this a place where the devil waits and the fallen roam, just waiting for the opportunity to whisper death in your ear.

These are all things that your reader will certainly want to ponder and decide upon for themselves, well after the reading is done.

Wow, Fyn. Just wow. This may be my favorite poem of yours yet. The concept and place is original...and your wording, as always, a lyrical treat. Brilliant!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
3
3
Review of Vieux Carré  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Storytellers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very chilling and dark poem. I love the imagery here. I felt as if I were strolling through the old streets of the French Quarter, which is something I have always wanted to do. You caught the atmosphere and vibe of the city well, even including the now infamous motto. Woven with these words, it definitely gives it a chilling undertone.

At the end you really kicked things into high gear. The image of the slighted clown "juggling souls" behind your back...That definitely leaves the reader with a distinct feeling of unease. One that makes you want to take a glimpse behind you!

I think you did a fantastic job incorporating the sights and sounds of Vieux Carre's surroundings. The only thing I might suggest is giving a hint at the smells. I know I'm overtly curious, but I found myself wondering what kind of scents would waft through the air here. Would it be the delicious coffee and bakery you mentioned earlier or would there be a dampness and something a bit more sinister riding under the surface. Just a thought.

As always, Fyn, you present some excellent work!
~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
4
4
Review of Branching Out  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Storytellers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, Fyn! Your pen always paints words and tales with such a talented flourish! This was an extremely poignant poem and a much needed outpouring of the soul. there's celebration and hope in these words, yet they help purge some of the tension and troubles you've had brewing on your mind as well. *Heart*

Reading this made me smile for the friendships that have taken root...frown about the poison, but steel my spine and grin. Much like a tender leaf from the tree you paint here, thirsting for the rain, I am so ready to reach for the sky and the dreams that lay beyond. this was an inspiration and a beautiful piece of work to read. Thank you so much for sharing.

Stand tall, my friend, and never stop marching forward!
~Best wishes always!~
Adriana *Moon*
5
5
Review of Query Letter  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Ello, Gacoky. *Smile*

I am reviewing your work today as a judge for the "Hook Us!" Open in new Window. contest. Please bear in mind that these are soley my personal opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest.

*Thumbsup* Initial Impressions *Thumbsdown*: Wow. This sounds like a truly powerful story. I love that it is somewhat inspired by true events, and the plot sounds like it would be thick with emotion. All in all, it sounds like a fantastic character driven story.

*Reading* Synopsis *Reading*: Shep is good natured man, but beneath the surface he is tormented by the ghosts of his past--ghosts only he and his brother know. He tries hard to keep his dark childhood secrets at bay but then he meets Kathy. Both struggle with the word love...and both must fight to overcome the obstacles and hurts they've faced in order to share a life together.

*Star* What Worked *Star*: The high emotional potential of this book. Many readers love to draw a deep connection with the characters they are reading. It's more than just a traditional romance, it's fueled by haunting pasts and the need to overcome the past before you can find your future. Based on the success of Nicholas Sparks and the like, I think this would appeal to a wide range of people. You did a nice job setting up the hook. I certainly wanted to take the bait!

*Cut* What Didn't *Cut*: The last paragraph threw me off. This is a bit of a no-no as far as queries go. It's unprofessional and assumptive. Any agent or editor knows the pros and cons of publishing shorter novels. This is what they do day in and day out for a living. Instead, I would focus more on the wide range of people this would appeal to because of what it contains. I'm not trying to come across as harsh here, but this is your chance to sell your book based on the merits of what you've written, not on the cost efficency of it all. *Worry*

*Right* Make sure you italicize your title.

While I admire your love for your father *Heart* You also slip into a bit of informality here. You want to keep things as professional as possible and keep the center of the focus on your novel, rather than yourself. I'd consider trimming this part.

~~~> Many people take love—genuine, unconditional love—for granted, but it is something that I cherish. Yes, my father was the inspiration for this story, but more so, he is the inspiration for the man that I want to become. It wasn’t easy for him, but just as, Beautiful Sacrifice, shows us, it’s possible, and possible breeds hope, and hope breeds love.
Many people take love—genuine, unconditional love—for granted. It's not always easy to find, but Beautiful Sacrifice shows us it is possible. With possibility comes hope, and hope breeds love.


In closing, I'd just like to say thank you for entering. Query letters are never easy to write, but they are one of the most important pieces of writing an author ever does. Congratulations on making it through the first round. I wish you the best of luck in the second.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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6
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Ello, MikEwriteS! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. It's my pleasure to read your work and share my thoughts with you. *Cat*

*Thought* Overview: Well, well, well! This certainly wasn't what I was expecting. *Smirk* I loved the subtle use of foreshadowing you implied, and the Weiss Co was never far from my mind as I was reading this. It was a bit of a slow start with a lot of building up to the moment when things all go bad, but the second they did start to go south, I was glued to the screen. *Bigsmile*

I really had to wonder about the guy on the other end of this "voice." I mean, what kind of person sits around and thinks up these kinds of things? (Us horror writers aside *Laugh*) How would one even go about advertising for that "kind" of service? *giggles* The more I thought about it all, the more disturbing it became. There are some very demented people in this world. That kind of horror hits so much closer to home, because it could happen. The pleasure he dervived from these acts sent a cold chill right up my spine, and it was all too easy to imagine.

I know I shouldn't feel bad for a guy who makes his living breaking into other people's business or homes and ripping them off...but in the end, I just couldn't help it.

Thoughts & Suggestions

*Ax*I really don't have much to offer here. You might want to look at the slow start and possibly save some of those words for the end. The reason being, the placement of the wires doesn't really matter much in the long run, does it? It would help boost the horror if you explored Jeff's reaction more or perhaps even the security masters. Just a thought. *Wink*

Overall, this was a fantastic story that left me chilled. Congratulations on your win. Thanks for entering and sharing your work with us. I look forward to reading your work again in the future.

~Best wishes and happy haunting!~
Adriana *Moon*
{/left}
7
7
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Storytellers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ello Silent Robin Author Icon

This is a review of " The Heart of an Author" Open in new Window. It's my pleasure to read your work and share my thoughts with you!

Overview: It's very easy to see the love you have for writing and I think it will help inspire many others. This is the kind of thing we all want to read when we are having an off day to remind us to find that passion and spark again. You did a great job suming up the hopes of a writer and the fires that fuel us along the way.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* I am by no means an expert at poetry. I only dabble here and there and can only offer my thoughts on how it made me feel and how it flowed for me as a reader. There were a few minor places here where the tempo didn't match the other lines and I think swell might sound better as my heart swells. *Wink* Like I said, just a few minor tweaks.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The overall theme to this poem is amazing. There is such passion and fire in your words. It makes me wat to toss everything else aside and just write!

Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are merely my humble opinions. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: This was a wonderful poem. I'm so glad you found us here on Writing.com. I hope you have a wonderful journey. If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask. Once again, welcome, and thank you for sharing your work.
Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*

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8
Review of Poor Puppy  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Ello, K Tilley! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. It is my pleasure to read your work and share my humble thoughts with you. *Cat*

*Clapper* Plot: Pretty chilling when I think back on it! A young boy is out enjoying his evening bike ride. He decides to visit a playground and finds a scrap of paper with the words "help me" written on them. after finding no one, he explores the outlying arryo and after a chilling disturbance with the wind, stumbles upon a gruesome discovery. I though this was all well played!

*Person* Characters: I really liked robby. He reminded me a lot of myself at that age, always exploring and seeking brief moments of freedom and solitude. I think a lot of people would see a glimmer of themselves within him. *Smile*

*Clock2* Pacing: I think a lot of this has to do with the heavy wording and sentence structure, but in places the story sort of...lagged. Tightening it up a little would really improve both the pacing and flow.

*Globe* Setting: Excellent job. I could well imagine the vacant streets, the empty playground, and the familiar images of dusk as it settled. You even decribed the fence and monkey bars which gave this a very inclusive feel. *Thumbsup*

*Thought* Dialogue: not much of it here, but what you had worked well with the story.

Thoughts & Suggestions

*Ax* Since toy are describing sounds and not a tiny river bed, I think you want 'creak' here and not creek. *Wink*

*Ax* This sentence is rather long. Breaking it down just a little bit would help give it a smoother flow. As is, it's sort of a run-on. See what you think.
These nighttime bike rides had become an almost daily ritual for Robby these past few months, being only ten years old this was one of the only times he was unsupervised and felt free to do anything he wanted and with the hot Arizona summer just beginning, the cool nights we’re a huge contrast to the sweltering heat of the days. ~~~> These nighttime bike rides had almost become a daily ritual for Robby. Being only ten years old, this was one of the only times he was unsupervised and free to do anything he wanted. With the hot Arizona summer just beginning, the cool nights were a huge contrast to the sweltering heat.

*Ax* There are also a few places where you might want to tighten the wording just a wee bit. An example might be here: Realizing now that he was staring down at his feet Robby raised his eyes and there standing in front of him, as a clear as day even in the darkness was a small boy, not much older than him, holding the dead dog by the scruff of its neck with one unbelievably strong hand. His other hand was clenched in a loose fist and as Robby stared, frozen with fear reached out towards him and opened it revealing the dog’s eyeballs, covered in blood and viscous fluids, a look of horror and pain frozen in them forever. The small boy then began to speak in a halting deep voice. ~~~>Robby glanced up from his feet. Standing in front of him, was a young boy not much older than him. His gaze traveled to the dead dog clutched in the child's fist. Robby stared, frozen with fear, as the boy extended his other hand toward him and opened it, revealing the dog's eyes. Even through the blood and viscious fluids covering them, he saw the horror and pain frozen into those eyes forever. His stomach clenched. Before he could run, the young boy spoke in a deep, halting voice.... See how it doesn't change anything but it gives it a tighter feel and quicker flow when reading?

Overall, this was a great story and I really loved the surprise twist at the end. that was a definite goose bump moment for me! Thanks for sharing!
~Best wishes and happy haunting!~
Adriana *Moon*
9
9
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Cat* Horror, scary, occult, supernatural, and dark fiction are my favorite genres to read. I prefer to dance year round with all things dark and disturbing. Thank you for sharing your work here on WDC.

Ello, Angus! I saw you entered The Daily Slice for my mountain man prompt, and I just had to see what you came up with. It's my pleasure to read your work and share my thoughts with you.

*Paw* Initial Impressions: Wow! Another excellent offering from Angus' pen! I'm not surprised. *Wink*

While this story had a classic sort of feel to it, you made it your own. the characters were great and I loved the premise. I was laughing at these two friends. Their situation was one I could empathize with. I mean I would not have been too happy either if I were stuck out there with no inkling of where I was. For a moment, I thought Rick was going to be the one who ended up being the trouble! *laughs*

Your antagonists were fantastic. I enjoyed reading about these rotund rescuers. You pulled me in to their world and once again, I found myself lulled into a false sense of security. Why do I always do that? *Rolleyes* It is, after all, horror!

It wasn't until the guys had a decent night's sleep that I realized maybe not all was as it seemed after all. Score big points for throwing me off blance and adding in that sick loop at the end. The last line was priceless. I mean, sweet Beezus. Call me crazy, but Otis almost seemed proud of their newfound bounty! *shudders*

*Paw* Plot & Setting: Excellent job here. I loved the plot. It was amusing to watch the rift grow between these friends as they trudged in endless circles through the woods. Then, they run into bubba Ray...err Otis and his brother and I swear I thought maybe they were going to get off scott free. This was a case of holding out and saving the best for last! Hmm...I wonder if Kevin will end up being 'gator bait. I've seen one of these brothers on Swamp People, I swear! *Worry*

You did a great job with the setting. I could see everything clearly, and much to my surprise, it didn't dominate the story. You utilized it well, setting the stage and moving on.

*Paw* Characterization: I just loved these twins! It's so not what I was expecting to see. Something about their round, pot-bellied forms made them come across as almost joivial in my mind. Like...bibbed Santas! *Laugh* There was alos their personalities to contend with. They were kind and scocialble, even makeing fun of their culture at their own expense. Their back story was a nice touch, by the way. Reading this you can't help but think 'They can't be all that bad...' That just goes to prove what I get for thinking!

You also did a great job with Kevin and Rick. I felt just enough empathy for them to make me wince in the end. I loved their banter, and Rick's frustration over being lost in the woods for so long was palpable...and understandable.

*Paw* Style & Flow: Spot on. This was a fast, smooth read with fluid writing. You know what you're doing and do it well.

Thanks again for indulging me and participating in my prompt! This was a truly terrific tale, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Every time I do, I'm pleasantly surprised. *Smile*

~Best wishes and happy haunting!~
Adriana *Moon*
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10
10
Review of I love redheads  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Ghost* Ello E.L. Stieh *Smile* Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. and congratulations for winning today's prompt! It is my pleasure to read your work and share my humble thoughts with you. *Ghost*

*Clapper* Plot: This was probaly the most chilling aspect of the story for me. Right away you get this "creeper" sort of vibe from the main character. It's stalkish, but almost reverant or...loving at first as he spies this beautiful woman and follows her. I felt like I was watching an impending train wreck. You just feel something terrible is going to happen, yet you can't look away.

Sure enough, once he gets her home, things really go south! At least for the poor woman. For the reader, things really get interesting.

*Person* Characters: We don't know much about the redhead other than perhaps she is too trusting and too eager to make a connection. This turns out to be a very bad mistake on her end.

The main character is downright chilling. He has very....shall we say...unique tastes in women. *Smirk* And the fact that he feels no remorse, but pleasure, only makes it that much more chilling. I would have liked to know a little more about him, like when this ...habit started anad perhaps a bit of the why. With all the extra words you had left over, I think you could expand on this just a bit more and make it even more chilling.

*Clock2* Pacing: Very fast and fluid. No hiccups or lulls to drag the pace down.

*Globe* Setting: Good job here. I could picture the barista quite well and the basement too. chilling details were included about his "improvements."

*Thought* Dialogue: Not much was said, but the action drove this story and it works for me!

Thoughts & Suggestions

*Ax* Just as mentioned above! I would love to see this expanded, even if just a little.

Great writing and story. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Congrats again!

~Best wishes and happy haunting!~
Adriana *Moon*
11
11
Review of Icy Balm  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ello again, Mara ♣ McBain Author Icon!

I'm back torummage through your port again. I think this just leaves me with one more unread. If not, let me know, and I will gladly catch up.

Overview: Whew! Who knew a scene involving something so cold would be so unbelievably HOT! *Blush* You had me squirming in my seat here as Michaela rode out her punishment and enjoyed the rewards after! Rawr!

I really loved the complex undertones here. She was careless, irresponsible, and all theis on the heels of an affair? It's no wonder her husband was searching for some way to feel he was in control of something in their relationship again! I can't imagine the strain that must have caused, but subtle hints of his displeasure shone through, from his domination, to the hard glint in his eyes, and the snarl on his lips. It was all so intense and I shivered in anticiptation as well as fear, hoping Michaela would be able to appease him.

Here your descriptions were spot on. This is the wording and unique McBain spark I have come to know and love. Your word choices are absolutely beautiful and strike a chord of envy. Terms like raw ownership, staking claim on body and soul, and the visual pictures you paint set you in a league of your own.

This was smoldering, intense, and passionate. i think I could use some ice, just from reading it! *Laugh*

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
Not a thing. Utter perfection as is. I'm sure we'll end up seeing this in The Flashes of Erotica Quarterly soon. You're a publishing machine!!!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* Besides the almost poetic wording, I loved the way the title fit this piece and how the last line drew it all together. It was nice to see a bit of emotional healing at the end and how Shane's tender gesture provided the balm they both sought. *Heart*


In Closing: Another fantastic story from you. It always amazes me how you manage to weave elements of plot into stories with an 800 word limit. These tales never fail to excite and inspire. Thank you for sharing your talents for free when I would gladly pay to read your work in a heartbeat.

Best wishes and happy writing!
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12
12
Review of Devotion  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ello Mara ♣ McBain Author Icon

Egads! You were busy when I was offline! I'm ashamed to say I'm a bit behind in reviewing your port. Shame on me. *Blush*

*Reading* Overview: It's prom time! I haven't thought about those years in...well, I don't want to talk about how long it's been. *Laugh*

I absolutely loved the idea of this taking place on a boat. There was something so magical about the setting, and so sweet that Shane went through all the efforts he did just to give Michaela a night to remember. I could see them so clearly, all decked out in their formal wear and unwinding after a long night. I couldn't help but laugh when he got frustrated with the buttons on his shirt and gave up. Michaels definitely came across as the more experienced of the two. She almost came across as vampy, while he was the shy, innocent, and trembling one. Loved the way you mixed that up!

You took your time building the anticpation and setting the mood. My heart beat a little faster, and I couldn't help but smile as his dreams unfurled before his eyes. Your descriptions of Michaela sprawled out on the covers was tantilizing, and we got to see her beauty through Shane's eyes as he got his first taste of his true love.

Very sweet and steamy read!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
As usual, I have nothing to point out. I really resent the fact that you kill my overall rating given! *Laugh* On the other hand, it's great to sit back, relax, and enjoy. So I'll forgive you...this time.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star*
I like that you branched out and tried to do something different. the roles are reversed here and there's none of the usual elements, forcing you to step outside of your comfort zone. I also liked how eager and adoring Shane was. There was something endearing about the way his hand trembled to the point of dysfunction.

In Closing: This, like all your stories, was fantastic. However, I know the one thing you respect about me is the fact that I'm 100% honest with you. While it was flawless, and most people would probably love it, it wasn't one of my favorites in your port. It didn't have that usual Mara flair, that vibrant spark that always makes me sit up and take notice whenever you write. Sorry, TT, but that's just me being honest. You can blame it on me being gone, if you like. *Wink* That said, it was still brilliant and a flawless piece of work.

Best wishes and happy writing!~
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13
13
Review of Jingle Jangle  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Cat* Horror, scary, occult, supernatural, and dark fiction are my favorite genres to read. Tis' the season for chills and thrills-but I prefer to dance year round with all things dark and disturbing. Thank you for sharing your work here on WDC. *Cat*

Ello, and thank you so much for entering "A MidSummer Night's Scream" Open in new Window.. Without people like you, this contest would not be possible. It's my pleasure to read your work and share my thoughts with you.

*Paw* Initial Impressions: I had two instincts upon finishing this story: to cry, and to shiver. It was such a delicious combination of horror and human emotion that I truly felt torn! You took a classic ghost story here and (pardon the puns) wrapped it with bells and a creative twist! I really enjoyed both the theme and the delivery. Excellent work!

*Paw* Plot & Setting: The vast majority of this story takes place in Colin's house, flashing between the modern setting of his living room and his bedroom as a child years ago. The barren white walls lent a cool, almost clinical air to the setting. You included just enough details to give the reader a mental image of their surroundings and the minimalist style worked well with this fast-paced plot. *Thumbsup*

This tale covers the traditional suspect for hauntings--unfinished business. Colin's brother made a promise to return something years ago, and he feels the need to keep his word despite his untimely demise. The story moves at a brisk pace and the flashbacks are handled well, easing from one scene to the next with fluid transitions. I really enjoyed your clever plot.

*Paw* Characterization: I know, I know...I shouldn't feel bad for Michael, but I do. I just can't help it. His actions in the story were not only bratty, but atrocious, but we're often ruled by impulse and emotions in our youth. There's such an intensity to everything when we are young, including anger. *sighs* I wish things could have turned out differently for him, but it is what it is.

I also felt for Colin. he's such an innocent victim in all of this. I cannot imagine the horror or pain that must occur each year with Michael's visits. He has such a difficult decision to make...and the reasoning in the last lines of this story elicits not just a stab of sympathy, but a definite chill. Wow! what a thing to ponder.

The only things I felt were a bit lacking here were physical descriptions, even just brief ones of the boys when they were young. That's just a personal preference though. I think seeing the contrast would only up the effect at the end. Otherwise, great job making the reader FEEL. *Delight*

*Paw* Style & Flow: The minimalist, crisp style worked well with the rapid flow of the story. Everything read without a hitch and delivered some heavy punches along the way.

*Ghost* Suggestions for Improvement *Ghost*

*Ax* I could feel it’s breath as its mouth
I think you meant its breath here, not it's. It's is a contraction for it is. Those darn apostrophes sneak up on me all the time too! *Wink*

*Ax* “Night boys,” She said, a black shadow in the doorway.
she said, ~~~> dialogue tags such as he said and she said are not capitalized.

*Questiono* Okay, this might seem silly but is torch another word for flashlight? I'm not familiar with some of the terms used in other countries, but I'm fairly sure duvets are covers in the UK. This wasn't a suggestion so much as it is me trying to enlighten myself as a reader. When I first read torch, I had an image of his brother lighting a fiery stick under the blankets. *Laugh* You have to love those small differences in culture.

*Ax* It was licking me, the jingling next to my ear didn’t cease, the object was If anything, jingling louder.
Two things here. You have several comma splices here, or complete sentences joined together with commas. To fix this, you simply break the down using semi colons or periods. Also, I don;t believe 'If' needs to be capitalized. ~~~> It was licking me; the jingling next to my ear didn’t cease. The object was, if anything, jingling louder.

*Ax* Something bad was happening in my parents bedroom.
parent's (The bedroom belonging to the parents)

*Ax* In them screams I could hear words
Did you mean in 'the' screams? Them doesn't seem to fit.

*Ax*I could hear him singing from my parents room at the bottom end of the landing.
parent's room

What a fantastic read! I had a lot of fun with this one, trying to guess what the noise was and who was making it. This story was both tragic and terrifying, such an awesome combination. Thanks again for entering, and best of luck in the contest!

~Best wishes and happy haunting!~
Adriana *Moon*

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14
14
Review of Did You Hear?  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there, JACE Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: Oh, Jace! Your wording is aways so beautiful. I absolutely loved how creative this story was. Your's was the only one tole from the POV of the coffe mugs themselves and I foundd that take so fascinating! Their vieww on the people and the world around them were captivating to read, and the story about how they were forged by a witch was awesome!

Your work always brings something bold and unique. Not only was it an entertaining read, but I loved the subtle undertones you infused, the warnings against gossip and low self-esteem. There was such an air of sadness at the end, when these cups were packed away and forgotten, and then a twinge of humor as they found their way into the light once again. Very cool! Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I loved the tale about how these were no ordinary cups, but how they were forged out of good and evil...and the very special powers they held. It added an even more interesting twist to an already uniquely creative tale. *Thumbsup*

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
You know I'm very honest with my opinions...and believe me, this could just be me...but I didn't understand the events toward the end. I mean, I get that something obviously happened to Suzi...or her friendship with Kat...but my reader's brain is just demanding to know what. *Worry* I think even keeping to the POV of the mugs, at least a hint of that could be explained. And surely this had to have had something to do with their powers. I think expanding on this just a little tiny bit would add something more to this story.

I also wasn't clear about the end. Were these Kat's children or did she take them to a resale shop or something where they were brought years later? Did someone find them packed away and forgotten in the attic of her house? I know....I know...probably too many questions here. Maybe I missed something. If so, please feel free to call me dense. *Laugh* Overall, this was a brilliant story. I just got confused and wanted to know a little more.

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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15
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Review of A Taste of Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there, Merry_Mikey Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: Well now! This was interesting! I really loved how descriptive you were with the setting. I could see the scenery rolling by and the excitement as different cities and landmarks rolled into view. You did a wonderful job painting a picture for the reader. *Smile*

This is one of those stories where nothing is quite as it seems. I thought I'd figured out the strange workings of Lauren and Yvette's relationship...this odd tension and threat I felt brewing between them...but boy was I wrong! You threw in a great curveball at the end and I liked the supernatural twist...even if it did throw me for a massive loop!

Nice job! Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I loved the descriptive settings and how I felt transported into your scenery. You did an awesome, awesome job here. *Thumbsup*

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
Technically, this was a very clean story. I didn't notice any errors. The only suggestion I can possibly think of is to maybe trim down the travel scenes just a wee bit and work on devoping the characters a little more. I would have liked to know just a little more about Lauren as a person before she travelled to NY. I just didn't feel as much for her as I would have expected. It could just be me though....

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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16
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.5)
Hi there, barkhakariwala Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: This was a very interesting story. I loved the turbulence and struggle on the airplane and the amount of tension that scene added to your story! I also really enjoyed reading about how these two friends worked through their differences and even worked together in the end to get back at the man who drove them apart. Nice work!

I had a lot of fun reading your story and thank you for the opportunity to review it.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I've always thought it would be so cool to be in the shy during a thunderstorm, and thanks to your story, I feel like I got to live a little part of that vicariously through your characters. I loved your descriptions of the lightning and thunder. Very cool!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Pencil* BMS Airways for past three years
for the past three years

*Pencil* At last,even Sheila gave up hope.
You're missing the space after the comma. *Wink* ~~~> At last, even

*Pencil* She didnot know
did not

*Pencil* But, she moved out without a word when she heard Ben proposing Sheila.
proposing to Sheila.

*Pencil*Nelle turned cold and served all contacts with Sheila.
I think you may have meant severed, as in cut. Not served, as in gave.

*Pencil* As an air hostess the were trained to remain
they were trained

*Pencil* Ben was a ladies man and
lady's man ~~~> Here I think you were trying to show the possessive tense (a man belonging to the ladies). Therefore, you want to use the apostrophe, not the plural form.

*Pencil* Everyone on board were restless
was restless

*Pencil* Both the air hostess'es tried to keep
hostesses

*Pencil* Suddenly, an announcement came that one me the engines
one of the engines

*Reading* Every time a new person speaks, you should start a new line or paragraph. This makes it easier for the reader to keep track of who is speaking and when. *Smile*

*Pencil* She pierced her hips as if, in great sorrow.
I'm not sure this sentences makes sense as is. Piercing her hips makes it sound like she stuck a needle through them or something. Did you maybe mean pursed her lips?

*Pencil* He pulled Debra towards him and gave Ben a blow on his face.
gave Ben a blow is kind of passive. It might have more impact to say he hit Ben in the face or punched Ben. Just a thought...

*Pencil* Two of Ben's teeth's came out like coins from the automatic trailer machine .
teeth ~~~> teeth is the plural form of tooth.
Also, I think you may have meant Automatic Teller Machine here, not trailer. *Wink*

*Pencil* He than sat on the floor quitely.
quietly
Also, I think you mean 'He then sat. Then is used when showing sequence or the passing of time. Than is used when making a comparison.

*Pencil*Debra exited his life with a string of slangs.
Did you mean a sting of curses? Slang is a form of informal speech.

*Pencil* Nelle was on bed for a week due to high temperature and so, she couldnot see Ben's new look with the silver teeths.
in bed ~~~> could not ~~~> teeth.

*Heart* There were quite a few other mistakes, but I don't want to overwhelm you or fill up the etire review with nothing but. You told a really good story here. I looked at your Bio page and saw that you are from India. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to write in a second launguage, let alone one as complicated as English. I give you all the props in the world for having the bravery and determination to do it!

Don't be discouraged by the suggestions, and whatever you do, don't give up! I do think using a word processing program such as Microsoft Word would really help catch some of the spelling mistakes and help smooth out the grammar. You had an enjoyable story here, it just needs a little bit of polishing and that work is all this rating reflects.


Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you see fit. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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17
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, jaya Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions:
This story was very rich in setting. I could so easily feel the heat, see the rocky, rolling mountains in the distance and the intermittent greenery. you painted such a vivid and beuatiful picture with your words. Anyone who reads this will feel transported into the culture and landscape of Oman.

What a wonderful tale about how friendships can form under any circumstances and forge despite differences in race, age, religion, culture. This is one opf the few things left about humanity that continues to give me hope for the future...but I digress. *Smile* I'm so glad the Morrocan embassy approved her fleeing the country, and that her friend was generous enough to open her home and look into it. I cannot imagine the horror of being in a riot torn country, let alone to go through it all alone.

You wrote a wonderfully rich tale full of excitement, lush descriptions of the settings, and tension. It was a greatly enjoyable read. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read and review your work!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I loved your beautiful prose and the descriptions of Oman. I felt as if I were visiting this country myself. You did an amazing job setting the scene for your readers.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Reading* Things felt just a tiny bit rushed there at the end. I know the word count is a big constraint, but there was a little wiggle room left. Trust me, this is just my opinion, but I would have liked to see the end fleshed out just a tiny bit more. But, overall, it was a wonderful story and very well written!

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*

~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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18
18
Review of Irene  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Sum1's Home! Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions:
Very cool! I loved the unique concept of this story! Not only was it fresh and original to have two "hurricanes" talking as people, but the end was also informative. This was a very crisp, fun read.

Irene's sense of awe over Katrina and her prowess probably reflects that of many people. As beautiful and facinating as Mother Nature and her forces can be, they are also deadly. You touched upon that while lending these destructive powers a very human voice and face. I really enjoyed reading about their views and how they didn't want to kill, only release their energy so our planet didn't explode.

Very creative take on the prompt. This was a fantastic read. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to review your work!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star*
I really loved how Katrina hung back, tracking Irene's birth and progress, and her thoughts as her friend started her journey.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Pencil* {indent{As Irene looked
Oops! It looks like one of your codes got messed up. Really easy to do with the HTML codes, especially if your fingers always want to do things backwards like mine! *Wink*

*Pencil* Now it was Irene’s, and she was a little worried and unsure about how
I think you might've forgotten a word here? Now it was Irene's turn or chance maybe?

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*

~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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19
19
Review of Two Friends  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there, cside123 Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: This story held a powerful note of realism. I've heard weddings are very stressful, and I've watched friends and family stress over the upcomming day, so Mary came across as very real in my opinion. It was amusing to watch her stress and pace through her friend's eyes...yet at the end, you put things into very firm perspective, giving the reader a subtle reminder that no matter how bad we might think we have things at the moment, things can always get much, much worse! Very well done.

This was an enjoyable story, and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I loved the part when it suddenly dawned on Mary that her friend was pregnant. Her embarrassed and flabberghasted reaction made me giggle out loud. Sometimes, it is easy to get so absorbed in ourselves and our own problems that we become oblivious to the people around us. You showed this very well!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Pencil* allright
alright

*Pencil* you know you have it in the bag”
Missing end punctuation. ~~~> bag."

*Pencil* She flopped down in the chair with her leg over the chair arm and
You can probably take out the second 'chair' for smoother reading. See what you think: She flopped down in the chair with her leg over the arm and

*Pencil* You couldn’t have made a better choice if I;d done
I'd done ~~~> That sneaky semi-colon snuck in there instead of the apostrophe! *Wink*

*Pencil* the rug was going to be worn out by the time this was over, Cindy though.
Typo ~~~> thought

*Pencil* Cindy understood what Mary needed; A good friend who could listen
Since you are leading into an idea, I think you want a colon here instead of its brother-cousin, the semi-colon. ~~~> needed: A good friend

*Pencil* Cindy was working at St Elizabeths
St. Elisabeth's

*Pencil*I can’t believe it! Here I am doing all the talking
Missing beginning quotation marks. ~~~> "I can't

*Pencil* We knew it could happen, but it was just too good
I think you forgot the opening quotation marks here, too. *Wink*

*Question* I'm a little confused. You'd said that Dennis was working at a VA hospital in Brooklyn. But then in the above segment, you mentioned how they'd shipped him out the minute he got his MD. These two things seem to be conflicting with each other. Perhaps mention that he'd been working at a VA hospital in Boston until recently? And where had he been shipped off too? Last but not least, what happened at the end? Were these men from the military, or detectives? If you ware going to leave things so open ended, you might want to consider at least clarifying who/what these men were so the reader can draw a firm conclusion. Just some food for thought. :)

*Reading* There are a lot of run-on sentences and comma splices in your story. That is sentences that continue or are connected with commas, rather than ending and separating them with a period. A good way to tell is to read the story back to yourself slowly. If something is a complete sentence and can stand on its own as such, end it with a period and start a new one. I'll give you a quick example.
You wrote:
*Right* Her brothers were flying in on Wednesday, Her Dad not until the end of the week, he couldn’t get the time off from work he said. Mary thought it was more that he didn’t want to leave and be sucked into the vortex of excitement that was bound to happen as they all came together.
Corrected version:
*Right* Her brothers were flying in on Wednesday. Her dad not until the end of the week. He couldn’t get the time off from work, he said. Mary thought it was more that. He didn’t want to leave and be sucked into the vortex of excitement that was bound to happen as they all came together.
Do you see the stops and patterns? If you need more information or help with this, feel free to e-mail me and I'll seend you some good links.

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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20
20
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, M.Harris Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: Aww! Stories about the people in the military or any kind of public service always warm my heart. I think they hold a special place inside a lot of us. Your story captured the distance and longing, the sacrifice made by both members and their loved ones. My heart went out to Kathy and Taylor, and I found myself hoping their relationship could withstand the strain.

I think you did a wonderful job with the pacing and emotions in this tale. You took the time to draw the reader in and truly make the feel what your characters did. I also thought it was so special that this was her best friend's brother and her friend, though jealous about the gift, seemed to support their relationship. It was all very touching and sweet!

This was a heartwarming tale of love and longing. I enjoyed reading it! Thank you for sharing!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I really liked her friend's jealousy over the earrings. Her reaction and ribbing made me giggle!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Reading* I can't really put my finger on it, but in some places, the dialouge felt flat and stilted. It just didn't come across with as much emotion or excitement as one would expect. I think adding an exclaimation mark or two, and maybe mixing up the adjectives when Kathy is taking about how beautiful the earrings are, or how much she loves them, would be a quick and simple fix.

*Pencil* in the whole world and He said it was
he said it was (lowercase 'h')

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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21
21
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there, Jesca Evangeline Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: I really liked that this story ran through a wide range of emotions. There was humor when they were born and looting through the Halloween loot, sorrow when the parents and Becca died, and then a ray of hope and light again at the end. It was an all encompassing experience and a unique take on the prompt.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I loved the concept of a Hocus Pocus box. I thought this was a truly unique and interesting thing that these twins shared and it served as a great plot device in getting them back together. Well played!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
There were a few places where the plot felt extremely rushed, like when the aprents and Becca died. I think those things would have a lot more impact if you showed the reader, rather tan just tell them that it happened. It might take some manipulating or trimming elsewhere, and it might not. 800 is still a lot of words to play with (almost half a story). Just a thought.

*Pencil* Not believing what his eyes seem to be witnessing, he rushed towards
I think there is a small tesne conflict here. Seem is present tense, while rushed is past. Also, there is no 's' at the end of toward. *Wink* Something nifty, I, myself, learned here at WDC. ~~~> seemed to be witnessing, he rushed toward

*Pencil* Dale's boss in his mid-forties, chuckled
This would probably read smoother with a comma, especially since the phrase: 'in his mid-forties' could be taken out and the sentence would still make sense. This makes it an independant clause, and those are usually set off by commas. ~~~> Dale's boss, in his mid-forties, chuckled

*Pencil* "hmmm... ya its me" ,
I won't go through and point out each instance here, beacause there are a lot, but punctuation should always be placed inside the quotation marks. Also, the first word of a sentence is always capitalized. ~~~> "Hmmm...ya it's me,"

*BurstV* Okay, another tiny punctuation rule concerning dialouge. You can only chose one ending form of punctuation. The most common forms are periods and commas. Use a period when ending a statement. Use a comma when attaching a dialouge tag, such as he said or she exclaimed, etc. Examples:
*Right* "That is very nice."
*Right* "That is very nice," she said.
Hopefully these examples help, and you can go through the rest of the item and fix the tiny slips. If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me and I will do my best to help. *Smile*

*Pencil* she took in solitary confinement
Did you mean took to solitary confinement?

*Pencil* there was a look of sheer astoundness on her face
astoundedness

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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22
22
Review of Have You Heard?  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi there, Vivian Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: *giggles* Oh what an amusing story, Vivian! I just loved these two girls and their mischeivious bond! I think we all have that one friend that we would be willing to do just about anything for, and we've all hear the (true) warning about how there is nothing with quite as much fury as a woman scorned. *Laugh* you also did a wonderful job playing on the senses and incorporating tiny details that made this story rich with texture and description. Well done!

Yolena was a woman after my own heart...she warned her friend against the dangers of hatred and revenge...until she learned why Carrie was so angry and bitter. Then, she came up with a devious plan to teach all culprits involved a very valuable lesson. Her scheme was very clever, and hilarious to boot! Though, I do admit to shuddering and inching away from the computer screen a time or two. Spiders are the one thing in this world I absolutely cannot stand, and I could see that hairy little beast all too well!

Overall, this was a fast and entertaining read that I think most readers of any genre would enjoy. It's sure to deliver a few nods of understanding as well as snickers of amusement, sinister chuckles of glee, or full blown laughs. Thanks for the opportunity to read your work!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* Schemes aside, I really loved the line where Yolena warned Carrie how revenge and hatred harms no one but yourself. In the end, that is all so very true. Forgiveness is so important, not for the sake of other's well-being, but for our own.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Pencil* Dawn dark eyes turned to Wayne.
Dawn's ~~~> posessive tense (the eyes belonging to Dawn)

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana
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23
23
Review of Night and Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You took my worst fears here and brought them to heartbreaking life. I would like to say that it is because this story reminded me so much of our promises and our bond that I had tears leaking from my eyes, but it is so much more than that. Your writing is so pwerful, so potent. You truly have a knack for reaching out and grabbing the reader's emotions by the throat.

This was a lovely story of friendship, summer, and the childhood memories that often come with it. The uncertainty and self-consciousness that comes with meeting new people, and the exhilerating thrill of forging new relationships. I loved the imagery in the beginning, the velvet throne of moss covered roots, the frolicking play of horses in the pasture, and the painful shyness of these two very different girls as they regarded each other across the fence.

The end was equally stunning in pictures and words, and the sesne of loss and grief that radiated from the protagonist was palpable. Hence the reason why I was curled up in your chair, crying. (I will pay you back for that one, Mara! *Wink*)
Friendships like that one are so precious and rare. You captured that beauty and bond perfectly. Like Winnie the Pooh...I hope I never have to live a day without you.

Powerful writing...you never fail to amaze me.

~Best wishes and good luck in the contest!~ *Shamrock*
Adriana
24
24
Review of Getting By  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Another fabulous tale yet again flows from your pen, TT! *Heart* My heart went out to this woman. I loved Elle's tough determination to provide her daughter with the best she could despite the hardships she faced. I think a lot of people will be able to read this and see a bit of themselves. times are so tough and this was a heartwarming tale of a woman battling unemployment and a tough economy, while still managing to hold on to her wits and humor. She's a tough cookie and a fantastic mommy. Kennedy is lucky to have her!

~Best of luck in the contest to you!~
Adriana
25
25
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Nicki! *Bigsmile*

I't's been too long since I last treated myself to a visit in your port. So here I am, *coffebl* in hand, settling down to another one of your literary treats. What can I say? It's been a wonderful afternoon so far!

I couldn't resist this one. The title and description piqued my interest. What a fascinating concept! As humans, were are always striving to improve ourselves and any perceived weakness or flaws we have stand out in our mind like a glaring red flag. You captured that essence so well in this story. I felt for Ricky. I could relate to his self-consciousness and plight. He blamed every aspect he wasn't pleased with in his life on being deaf. don't we all do this to some extent? Lord the list of reasons we make. We aren't attractive enough, thin enough, talented enough, social enough...whatever! *Worry* This alone made him complex. Add to that the emotional angst of pining for a woman he didn't have and this mysterious coin and you have a recipie for disaster.

As usual, your writing is very descriptive. You have a way of drawing the reader in and describing things that makes one feel very much a part of the setting. We smell, feel, hear, see...and often taste whatever the characters do. I really loved the rumbles and vibrations of his world...so very important. I've often heard when someone can't see or hear, their other senses are kicked into heightened overdrive. You played on that so well and your line about the wind being like a butterfly...so beautiful! Prime exapmle of why you are one of my favorite writers, on site or off. You got mad skills, sista! *Bigsmile*

The tension in the apartment was great. My heart pounded when the intruder made his presence known! i couldn't help but worry and wonder what would happen next and experiencing the chaos through Ricky's skin really put a new and unique spin on things. Terrifying!

You really wrapped things up in an outstanding manner at the end. It played perfectly into the title and description you gave. so important to many of us readers. That is after all, the promise that made us click on an item to begin with! It was a grim end, but it fit the story so well. That brief bid of elation made Ricky's fate heartbreaking. A sweet taste of freedom ripped away too soon...and I swear you made it feel like I too, was finally able to hear for the first time. *Envy*

Excellent tale. I would reccommend this to anyone looking for a great read. It had a gripping plot, fantastic description, and realistic characters. Thanks so much for sharing your talents with us. I always walk away humbled and in awe.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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