\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/printit
Review Requests: ON
106 Public Reviews Given
166 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of Safety Concerns  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello! *BigSmile*

I clicked on random read and your piece here is what popped up

I enjoyed the quick story, and feel you did well setting things up with the dialogue of an older time period.

I liked the consistency with that time period in showing the old notion that women were not meant to do many of the things assigned to men.

And how even with that, Julian still supported and helped bring the invention to fruition

When the father was about to damage the invention and Julian stopped him, I appreciated the fact that the father didn't follow theough and in fact changed his mind and heart to support her

And lastly, though I assumed this would be the case, I was happy to hear they won the contest


The only technical error I saw was in the second last paragraph when father said "if I had only been honest with 'us'. That doesn't sit right with me, I feel like it should read 'honest with you' instead

Regardless, great piece, thank you for sharing!
2
2
Review of Mathematics  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love it. I ponder often how precise things need to be for our existence. This makes me go right back to these feelings of awe. How if we were just a fraction closer to the sun we'd not have existed, the same if we were a small percentage further from it.

The angle of the earth's axis, the magnetic field our core creates. All of it sounds scientific, but at the same time the amount of precision and exactness makes it impossible for me to believe it were created by anything other than a divine and loving God.

Thanks for stirring those feelings up for me!

I've also been on a hiatus from WDC for nearly 10 years. Nice to be back on.

Keep Writing!!
3
3
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey, me again!

Great job on this. I would read more if it went longer, but you closed it nicely so it works great as a short as well.

Love the sacrifice Morgan makes for Joey. And I guess for herself as well.

Interesting take on futuristic technology mixed with an air of psychic or magical ability. All 3 being interests I have so there's no wonder I appreciated the story.

Very well written. Each new section drew me along to desire the next.

Thanks for the entertainment!
4
4
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey! I found your poem after reading "Self Care" Open in new Window. , composed by Sophy - Happy Birthday Cramp! Author Icon.

Typically I just read and move on, but I wanted to send you a comment that I really enjoyed this piece. The word selections were great. It's got a beautiful positive feel and message attached to it, which is a much needed break from many of our lives over this pandemic.

I didn't notice any technical issues. I always question my own writing as to whether each line should be capitalized in a poem structured like this or if I should only capitalize new points. And as often as I question it, I never keep the same answer between poems!! *BigSmile* That's the thing with poetry though, it's a completely personal work from the ground up. So for this reason, I'm not docking any stars from your rating!

Thank you for composing this gem, all the best to you on your path!
5
5
Review of Ice  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good day! *Smile*

I came across this writing using the 'Read and Review' link.

I miss the challenge of a good acrostic, I used to do those quite often. Thanks for the reminder on that.

So far as the poem, so tragic is the pain of separation from love. I have recently gotten over my own break up and this poem made me smile that I am not feeling the same as I was when we first separated, as this poem so greatly portrays.

Thanks for sharing and I hope you keep writing!
6
6
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! *Smile*

I came across your piece using the 'Read and Review' link.

This really got my heart melting thinking of my little niece and newphews. I most definitely will never know the love a mother would feel towards her children, and honor my mom and dad as best as I can for the constant love and support they've shown me.

This piece really has my heart glowing as the love of the little ones I'm blessed to be an uncle to has pulled me through many a tough time. Definitely the giggles during play, cuddling up to them at naptime and bedtime and just feeling the love vibrate through them is incredible.

The lines at the end :

What seems like a lifetime is only an illusion;
Like the sand in an hourglass.

I don't know if I'm capturing what you're saying, but it made me reflect on how timeless life is when I get to be around the kids, so if I missed the point I apologize, but I thank you for the realization!

I hope you get to enjoy many more years of bliss with your children!

Keep writing!
7
7
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from *CountryCA* *Smile*

Congrats on 1000 reviews Mr Jones! That is something you should certainly be proud of, quite an incredible accomplishment!

I love how you dedicated the review to Dr Gupta in return for the reveiws they gave you. I believe we get what we give, which is why I'm giving you a full house of purple on this!

You've taken so much time going through my portfolio and indulging me by reading my pieces, and I am forever grateful for this! I hope to get through as much of your port as I can in this next little while, and I'll make sure to drop some comments and spread the love back your way that you've given me.

Again, congrats on your amazing accomplishment!

Kind Regards!
8
8
Review of Why Bother???  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey there!

I came across your article using the 'Read and Review' link, and just wanted to thank you for sharing your opinion.

I think you're right that self-deprecating, especially in an introduction, really isn't that inviting. I also agree that it possibly could be to solicit praise as you mentioned, however I think that perhaps going through with reading the piece and offering some kind words could mean the difference between that writer taking the next step to polishing and honing their craft or having them stop altogether. I only mention this as I've struggled with esteem issues in the past, and often it was the kind words of encouragement that I needed to escape feeling so little of myself.

That being said, I still do see why you - and likely others - would just avoid reading pieces with descriptions as mentioned, and can't rightfully say that I'd read these pieces myself 100% of the time.

Thanks for jostling me out of a bit of a slump myself, I haven't really 'felt' for a while and this editorial gave me a bit of a push.

I hope you're enjoying youself in whatever you do!

Keep Writing!
9
9
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there *Smile*

I found your piece on the 'Read and Review' link, and was happy to go through it a couple of times to enjoy and also give you a review! Please understand that this is only my opinion, I don't wish to take away from your work but add to it.

I liked the plot and noticed you had a word cound of nearly 1000 characters. Not sure if this was for a flash fiction contest but I think you would have faired well if it were in a contest!

Here is what I came up with for you.


Incredible Imagery!

Huge golden pillars lined the long blue and red striped carpet. Chandeliers with candles made a dazzling display on clear crystal surfaces as it hanged high from the vaulted ceilings.

- I felt like I was looking through his eyes, good job here!

Great Line!

Serving was its own honor

- This simple line is absolutely invaluable. I think many people could lead better lives embracing this idea!


(Click Me!) Technical Stuff: ▼

My Overall Impression

I was never really into the monarch types of shows or stories, but you did a good job keeping me interested regardless of that fact. I enjoyed your plot and appreciated the characters for who they were. I also like the little twist when Kelleth stepped up at his ceremony to aid in the capture. Very well done my friend!

Keep Writing!
10
10
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Mr Bubblegum Jones *Smile*!

I finally took some time to come visit your port, and I'm glad I did. I think this is a really neat idea you have going here, I've enjoyed alot of people's entries. And since you've put the time in to create this wonderful challenge, I've decided to try an entry myself! I must warn you, it's sort of lengthy, though it moved me to write for the first time in a very long time, so thanks again!

Here is my submission :

Once upon a time there was a demigod who ruled over a small realm of the multiverse. Everyday, he plotted and schemed to expand his dimension to include the mortals, for he had a particular longing to protect these finite beings and raise them into an awareness where they too, could harness the powers of the deities.

His trouble was that the realm of the mortals was strongly locked down by the dark curse of the archfiends, which could cast him into the void of eternal inexistence if he tread too close to his desire.

One day, the Universal Consciouness of the entire multiverse approached this demigod, pondering his intention with the mortals; begging him to stay clear of the potential abolishment he faced if he were to tempt winning over the curse. The demigod pleaded with the Universal Conciousness to allow him the power of protection from the curse, to finally be able to attain dominion over the loves of his desire... Mother Earth and her surroundings. Again, the Universal Consciousnes appealed to this demigod, for the curse could not be broken, as it too served a divine purpose. It explained that without the darkness, no mortal could ever learn of sacrifice and loss. They would never learn to appreciate what little they have, and would always incarnate into greed and desire, never grasping the spirit of being present for another. Because of that, the demigod knelt down in meditation, then lifted his arms to the infinite sea of divine being, and screamed 'I will not let them go!, they are my family! I AM THEIR SOUL!'. The demigod burst into the realm of the mortals and spread his field of power over all of Mother Earth, adorning the air and water of the whole galaxy with the consecrated molecule of holy knowledge, until finally, every being was embraced by an immaculate transendental state, finally realizing their true nature. The demigod entered the heart of every one of them, endowing them with the power of divinity to exist only in love, for love, to love. And then, bellowing loudly to the Universal Consciuosness, stated 'If freedom of these beings means my ultimate sacrifice, see this as my offering. If adorning the mortals with the spirit of love does not earn me protection from the curse, I accept my fate. But let my family free, the mortals have been enslaved long enough.'

With that, the Universal Consciuosness surrounded Mother Earth and her surroundings in a radiant glow, pure bliss spread across all beings and they were shown their true birth right... to never forget their holy nature. Then, turning to the demigod, handed the chain which bound the mortals over and said, 'Your courage to proceed in spite of your banishment has earned you a space with the mortals. For eons you have been fighting within yourself to free these souls, and in this moment you have proven that you are strong enough to overcome your own inner shackles. I grant you the realm of the mortals, to embrace and thrive amongst the love you've created.'
11
11
Review of Why in the World?  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, I only have 5 minutes left while at work, but read this and couldn't leave it without a comment and rating.

I adored this piece. How much more simple yet profound could it be than having creation of anything be to see the happiness it brings others. Beautifully summed up with your quote 'No creation is complete until someone enjoys it.'

Thanks for sharing this, I saw no technical errors to point out.
12
12
Review of Holding Calm  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

I've been given the opportunity to see your poem featured as one of the 'newest static items' on the wdc main/home page.

After reading this, and before reviewing it, I decided to take a peak at your profile header/bio. I did this as often times people either directly state, or indirectly allude to, the type of writer they are. This gives me a better understanding of the type of feedback that may benefit them.

As for the review, I first would like to say that I'm happy to have found a poet strictly focused on feelings and relations. I enjoy most poetry, but the aim you have is sincerely one that I hope to break through in one day. I'll be taking a peak at more of your writing as the days go on.

I like the simplistic message the poem communicates. Positive thinking and politeness are essentials in my happiness, as well as the happiness of anyone around me.

The words spoken to staying silent in a loud conversation are more powerful than many people may realize, so kudos to you for putting that out there!

One struggle I had, which I have with many poems, is the rhythm. I can certainly see the rhythm through most of your words, but upon reading aloud there is a couple of areas where I stutter stepped my words. Having a smooth rhythm thoughout may not have been intended, but it was so close already that I figured I'd mention this.

I did, however, enjoy where the poem stutters a bit.

"All others around you can only see
exactly what you make yourself to be"

It just happens to be a part I think people should reread, and need to realize. Although obvious, I don't think it is understood as apparent as it sounds. If you did this purposefully, which I wouldn't doubt, GREAT JOB!

Outside of the comments so far, I will share with you something that's been shared with me. I will also admit that I rarely heed the advice, and would hope you take it for what it is.

The lack of punctuation with the poem is something people will pick on. I don't like punctuating most of my poetry as I feel it breaks the rhythm and the mood. Figured I would state it just in case it is something you didn't already think about.

Thanks so much for sharing this, hope to see you continue to post for us to enjoy!


If you'd like, I've selected a poem from another member I think you may enjoy to read and/or review. I chose it because you'd said you try not to make physical objects be the focus of your poems. This one does use a flower in a couple of stanzas, but does a great job keeping the flower itself out of focus. Who knows, you may find it neat!

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1632971 by Not Available.



J. Lee Author IconMail Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of How to !!  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
On my first pass,
I love it.
Though again and again I will need to reread.

On the initial react,
I love it.
It over and again paints a free belief.

Though rhyme is there,
It's subtle flow
Its in-betweens
Could isolate

And snuggle there
In piece, so warm
Inviting in
The quandary
To lift.


I honestly don't know how to review this. There is so much in these few words that have me curious and questioning. I adore that feeling, and is one of the main reasons I like to practice my poetic pursuit. You've just made that pursuit sound easy, is all!

I will be back to this work over and over, without a doubt in my mind. Thanks for the amazing read, and wisdom!

J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
14
14
Review of Portraits  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I was unsure, at first, what the idea of the contest was.

*Fishp* I had just read the poem, and adored the words. How they played with each other in the flow they shared. I how it started with a somber, solitude, type of feeling. I typically start my piano playing similarly, it soothes me into the trance required to keep playing.

*Dolphin* After a couple of reads, I looked up at the picture. Without looking back at the poem, I read it through the visual display. And then again, and then yet again reread the words.

*Heart* I am on a journey of love, of late. Not romance, but strictly of love. This poem truly speaks to me on that level. Even with the idea of a tearing apart of lovers, and lovers in a last embrace, it's written as though my heart is returning home to read.

*Yinyang* From my perspective, the balance in this poem is phenomenal, unlike the balance of my beefs to bouquets when commenting here! I can't justifiably say I've found anything at all wrong with this poem, technical or sensually.

Thanks for a great post!!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greets!!

I came across your story from the Writer's Cramp while finishing up the recent Spiritual Newsletter, "The Gift of a Year" Open in new Window. by Shannon Author Icon.

I had gone through a slump with reading for the last long while, but am glad to be back on track now as it has blessed me with the chance to run into this work.

*Questionbl* I was unsure if I'd be disappointed that I knew what the key was for as soon as it was introduced in the story, but remembering the Writer's Cramp competition from when I used to enter (word restrictions specifically), it taught me that just because I know where something is going... I'll get back to this in a bit.

I loved the flow your story reads with. I did have to reread a couple of paragraphs, however it is 2 in the morning, so this is nothing to do with the way it was written! *Bigsmile* At first I thought it may have been due to longer paragraphs throughout, but when rereading the paragraphs in question you did a wonderful job of opening, explaining, and ending each paragraph on the relevant topics they had started with. Maybe I'm overcritical at this time of day.

Some of the descriptive words used caught my fancy very quickly. Your vocabulary within was well used. It added a perfect sense of the scene to go along with a nice tugging along of your reader through the plot. Again, just because I knew what the key was going to be for.... well, I think you know where I'm going with this.

*Microscope* As for an area for improvement - and completely just opinion as you well know :

The drive took me an hour in traffic, and as I pulled up to the address, my research confirmed that it was indeed a small, brand-new house in the revitalized area of town.

This sentence seemed like it could be written with less commas. You haven't made any errors, as the sentence works with the commas, though I feel it could be reworded to alleviate some of the interruptions in it.

Pulling up to the address after an hour long drive through traffic, my research confirmed that it was indeed a small, brand-new house in the revitalized area of town.

Though only one less comma, I think it feels a bit better as a reader. Also, I had nothing else I could pick on so I had to reach for any type of a moderately helpful suggestion I could find!!!

*Awarenessb* My favorite point :

The key's purpose will make itself known.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the key's purpose wasn't just to open the door to the home. I see the key's purpose as the anonymity tied with the emotion of gratitude and joy felt by the character. As the renewal of faith in people as well as in our own hope.

When things get tough, it's moments like this - placed anywhere within the scale of extremes that they may be - which help us 'breakthrough' as opposed to 'breaking down' like Shannon Author IconMail Icon suggested within the newsletter. It's no question this piece deserved editor's choice.

Well done!!

I hope to come back and read some more of your writings, I truly did enjoy this one.


Regards!!

J. Lee Author IconMail Icon




... oh ya, I said I would get back to the part about knowing what the key was for. Just because I knew what the key was going to be for, doesn't mean I had any clue how it would get there... or what it would look like when I did *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review of Haiku 0003  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey there!

I have often wondered what the essence of a true Haiku holds. I had a collection in my port as well, however it was reviewed by somebody who had the ability to halt my writing of them. Typically criticisms are welcomed and worked on in future writings for me, however this one stopped it altogether until I feel I have a better understanding.

That was over 2 years ago now, I think.

And then these couple of Haiku poems renewed my interest.

I like the simplicity of the message. I love the quality of the writings which shows the act of giving and receiving to not just be natural to all life, but to add beauty and regularity to qualities which better the whole, not just the individual.

I first saw this poem after reading the fantastic newsletter you were featured in. You've already linked it on the poem selected, but for the sake of anyone potentially reading this review as well, it was "A Gift for You" Open in new Window. by Kate - Writing & Reading Author Icon.

I don't have a criticism for you, but I do have a 'Thank You' for helping me get a different understanding of the style, as well as a joy in my heart to read it. And thank you last for giving me the encouragement necessary to repost "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., which I had taken down previously.

All the best!

Keep Writing *Smile*
17
17
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings.

I stumbled upon this piece in the editor's picks from the recent Spiritual Newsletter.

I have always said that I don't like to review poetry, and there is good reason for this. Perhaps review is the wrong word, I prefer not to critique it in any way outside of technical questions like unintended spelling mistakes or similar things.

The reason for this is amplified when I comment on a piece such as this, which is tied in with a beautiful connection to spirit and source through a cry, a prayer.

I don't claim to know how deep the emotions go, from where this prayer was born. I do however, love the ability to feel while I read through it.

You've started by representing the confusion and pain with fantastic simplicity, meshed with intricate or delicate webs of deeper emotion than simplicity.

When you begin building the emotion to a stronger level,

"O’ Grandfather please hear my words
We live not in peace but by demon swords"

I was instantly drawn to wanting to understand both the source of the emotion, as well as the metaphor and imagery you used throughout the rest of the poem/prayer.

"A fire burns in our hearts but not for love
There’s no honor, only blood from above"

- This is a perfect depiction of many of my struggles. I often place vanity above clarity and love, and suffer the consequences all too often for doing so.

"We suffocate ourselves, our deeds are weak
My eyes burn from the tears I cannot speak"

This quote is so powerful in its success to reach me. I understand it, I relate to it, and I felt after reading and rereading it.

What shall I do, will you turn your back
Courage, a warrior’s heart…this I lack"

- In italics because I falter back and forth from having the warrior's heart, to retreating inside of my shell in disbelief that I can maintain

"Life is vain…Grandfather, please spare none!
Where have the eagles gone?"


I'm typically always a fan of a conclusion matching the opening. I don't know why, and don't typically question it. But you've done a perfect job in doing it, regardless.

Thanks for posting this, I'm glad Sophy - Happy Birthday Cramp! Author IconMail Icon selected your poem to display in this edition's letter. I just resubscribed and this is my first issue since.

Keep posting!
18
18
Review of Bible in a Closet  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Hey there, as mentioned in a previous email, you were selected to receive some reviews as a long overdue prize from an auction in the past. You were chosen by Carol St.Ann Author IconMail Icon - who I have had the pleasure of reviewing as well - as the newbie to be reviewed. Big fan of alot of her works now.

I don't know how to approach this review. I don't want it to be a technical review because you obviously wrote it without a lot of technical/grammatical focus in the first place. Many people will point out the use of 'helluva' and similar words as a downfall... which I suppose in published writing could lose respect... but I much prefer to hear a writer's story told the way they would speak, rather than dressed up. It seems far more real.

Whether or not the anger and resentment towards your mother and father and religion in general is true is not my business. What is my business as a reader and reviewer is to point out how real it seemed, or didn't. I believe every emotion in this story is true from within you.

I loved the humor in the anger while writing as well. By far my favorite comedic line was this :

We did non-Jesus things for a very Jesus-like amount of time.

Seriously, that was literary brilliance!! It dances on edginess while being sarcastically playful enough to find the compassion within you.

Alluding to the "Inner Patrick" was also something I could relate to. I try to find different ways to personify the inner self dialog without directly mentioning it like this, but it does make for a good branch to go off on if you wanted to. It gives the reader a more personal connection to the character, and if done correctly, to the writer as well.

The religious rage bled on these pages - for a few different reasons which you've pointed out - was a great build to be dropped off at the end leaving the reader curious. I didn't know if I was still angry, or if I was settled that there may be some relief. Cliffhanging the emotion is great.

Another big up I've got for you was the use of biblical/christian colloquialisms as often as possible. Added to the humor, and I'm sure to the rage of Christian's who may get offended by this. No matter the case, humor and rage both stir emotion, so you've hit the goldmine on this one. I don't think there is any quicker way to stir ego, pride, resentment, bitterness, drama, rage, anger, - and their opposites - than to touch on such a personal topic as belief. Kudos on that in all of its forms within your writing.

Thanks for posting this, I enjoyed the journey into your ink, and quite possibly into your life as well.

J. Lee Author IconMail Icon


19
19
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well Hello Again!!

Such a fitting piece to read while I'm at my desk at work.

I am employed by a communications company in a customer service role, where I will either be the last person they speak to before leaving our company, or the last line of defense to help them see the value in staying. So, that said, this little cute representation of what it means to be a 'CUSTOMER SERVICE' agent - as compared to a 'CORPORATE DEFENSE' agent - was brilliant.

You make a very great point regarding the tendency of many people to devalue the customer, who essentially is the only reason they are employed. The 'Us Against Them' mentality is exceedingly frustrating every time I hear it or run into it as a customer - or for that matter - as an employee surrounded by people working with clientele.

I love the accidental rhyming conversations. How they begin, how they develop, and how they leave me feeling joyful because of how silly it may have sounded to anyone listening in. Glad you shared a little description of your's instead of leaving it unspoken. It made me giggle a bit *Smile*

Also, I'm happy to have learned the word 'Chortle'. I'd never run into it before, and love increasing my vocabulary whenever possible!

Lastly, really glad that you'd been granted some great experiences to minimize the flat tire! If you ever want some music to go with that country song-a-brewin' let me know *Wink*


I noticed no technical or grammatical errors (though to be honest I was too caught up in the experience to have noticed. I'm just confident in your writing as far as that stuff goes, based on everything I've read to this point).

Thanks, as always, for sharing!

J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
20
20
Review of The Particle  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hey there,

Thank you so very much for writing and posting this work, and sharing pieces of your Soul with the reader.

I have a great compassion for people who can share gems of wisdom like you have here.

The honesty portrayed, of the black particle which remains, shows strength in vulnerability. This is a trait I strive to continue to develop in my own life, so I appreciated seeing it in action in your writing.

From the beautiful portrait you've painted of your mother and all of the valuable lessons she's passed on to you through the way she'd raised you, to the proof of the love grown in your heart in forgiving your birth mother regardless of any pain endured because of the situation.

This short goldmine is exactly what I needed to read; and opening it up with God was a perfect way to grip me to hear these words, especially as this point in my life is more pivotal than I care to express publicly.

The transition from God to the lessons was even more fulfilling yet, as it showed the loving-kindness and openness to many of God's teachers, which was followed by a big part of the development of that openness.

*Heart* Much Love *Heart*

Thank you again!



Forgot to mention, I couldn't agree more that the topic was fickle, depending on the state of mind, heart, and Spirit in which we reside.*Smile*
21
21
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)


Wowsers!!

This is so simple and common an idea, but it never fails to intrigue me to think about or speak about.

I discuss this quite regularly with some of my artistic friends. Whether it be writing, music, graphical arts, or any type of art you can think of, these words hold true through all of them.

I've not put a whole lot of thought into trying different styles, though when I have attempted to organize a story before starting, I find I lose the story altogether in the intense OCD style outline I create before writing a single word. This being said, some of my favorite ideas have been bred and developed out of an outline which showed me something from a completely different perspective or standpoint.

The story of how you met, and moreso how close you were physically, emotionally - and for those who choose to believe, spiritually - is pretty amazing. The chance encounters like that, or maybe better put the chance coincidences like that, are some things that make me tick. *Wink*

So, in the end, I was pretty sure I knew what to expect before reading this piece, but was pleasantly surprised by the few dashes of spice and flavor to make it your own personal dish.

Looking forward to getting a taste of the next creation!!

Take care

J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
22
22
Review of Realizations  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello hello :)

My name is Justin and I will be your guest in this review. I couldn't say I'm the host as this is your port, and your piece, and you have been so kind to post this brilliant bit of writing for my benefit and your's :)


Please be aware that this review is solely based on my opinion and preference only. I am one reader out of many, and by no means wish to do any more than provide a different perspective which is both helpful and encouraging as much as possible!


And now for the fun stuff!!!


The Emotional Affect-Effect :

I liked how I could kind of see the point of view from both Nupur and her Parents, and could side with either one of them depending on the time. It was set up beautifully to show the truth about how our actions and striving towards unnecessary and sometimes unreal things can be mislead and unfruitful to say the least *Smile*



The Perfect Portrait:

Now, none of her friends visited her, the long waited phone calls were missing. After all, who wants to be with a sick person accepting for real friends? Real friends are definitely hard to be found.

By this time, Nupur slowly began realizing her mistakes. She had run after glass pieces instead of looking for diamonds. She kept comparing herself with her ultra rich friends, instead of counting her own blessings. Now, when she really wished for a real friend, she had none by her side.



Again, I like this part because even though she had to learn the hard way, you put across a beautiful lesson in these last paragraphs.

My Favorite Excerpt:

Over the next few days, Nupur’s demands increased drastically. She started complaining about the simplest issues.

“Mom, my friend’s dad got a new Premio car, when do I get one?” She asked one day.



I chose this because I got a bit of a chuckle from the expectations and demands teenagers can put on their parents. It's something I'm sure most of us used to do at that age, or will do at that age. Such little concern for how to get things, we just want them without question!

That Technical Grammatical 'Wish-I-Had-Done-One-Last-Edit' Kind of Stuff:

I noticed a few different instances of either misuse of words or little typos. I don't point them all out to discourage you, moreso to give you the opportunity to turn a great piece of work even better *Smile*

Here they are :

She would prefer chatting with her friends over phone
should read...
She would prefer chatting with her friends over the phone


“I’ve got to tell her father to restrict Nupur’s cell usage.” Rabeya said top herself.
should read...
“I’ve got to tell her father to restrict Nupur’s cell usage.” Rabeya said to herself.


why do you think your straight A’s got down o C’s and D’s?”
should read...
why do you think your straight A’s got down to C’s and D’s?”


exasperated by all the sudden demands
should read...
exasperated by all of the sudden demands


Nupur could not do anything in bed accept studying
should read...
Nupur could not do anything in bed except studying


After all, who wants to be with a sick person accepting for real friends
should read...
After all, who wants to be with a sick person except for real friends


The Overalls:


I thought this was a well thought out piece and was glad I chose to read it. I'm at work and it's a little slow so I had small amounts of time, and the length of this story was just right! I liked that there were not so many characters that it was hard to follow but just enough characters to keep it interesting and moving. Great Job!


J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
23
23
Review of The day you left  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
First and foremost, if this is based on a true happening, I apologize for you lost horse. A pet can just be a pet, or it can be a member of ourself, which your horse seemed to be to you.

I like how you mentioned that the thought of life seems to lend itself towards beauty and happiness, yet the truth about life can be far from those blessings. I was talking with a friend last night about how it seems I am just waiting for another bright day in my life, but the waiting seems to take longer and longer. I'm not morbid, just saddened lately.

The poem was written in the same style I used to enjoy writing in. Free verse with no stanzas, just one long flow, like a soliloquy. I feel this style of writing is closest to the truth in the moment, because they seem to just flow off the pen with no room or time for thoughts which may taint the true feeling.

The only part that stuck out to me for changing was when you said Trying to impression upon me that it is lovely. I think that should say Trying to impress upon me that it is lovely. I may be wrong, but it seems that works better.

Either way, I hope you keep writing and I look forward to reading another few pieces in your port!
24
24
Review of Sanity  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey,

You keep making me sad while at the same time completely inspiring my old poet. I love this piece, and really hope it's not truely how you're feeling at the moment, but congradulate and admire the skill you have putting it to paper if you are. The last couple of poems I've read by you have done the same thing to me. Don't know if it's just the mood I'm currently in, or more than likely, the mood your pen has the ability to put me in!

Keep writing, it inspires those you'd least expect! Thanks for sharing *Smile*
25
25
Review of Shout  Open in new Window.
Review by J. Lee Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nicely put frustrations. I didn't know what to feel throughout. At first, I felt pity and sadness, and then attachment and understanding, halfway through I was feeling as though I were the character, upset and hurt with those I was trying to help, but then near the end, an abrupt emptiness. I see how you ended it and how that was the end you chose, but I just started getting into the flow and feel, and then... bye bye!
44 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/printit