The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A female engineer invents a pump which manages to take out the water that has accumulated in the city after a torrential downpour.
What I enjoyed? I liked the idea of a woman engineer coming to the rescue. The other uses that you mentioned for the pump were very educative.
Friendly Suggestions: Consider this part:-
You write: The new pump was so advanced that it was able to be used for many other purposes in the city, it was the source of water
Suggestion: There should be a full stop after city.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: A love story of an old married couple.
The Plot: An old couple behave like teenagers at a county fair with interesting and pleasing consequences.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the premise of the story that age is no barrier to physical intimacy as along as you have a loving and faithful companion.
This sentence really worked for me: The heat they created drowned out any smells that came from the horses.
This sentence was very suggestive and erotic: Although all he wanted right now was to feel her squeezing every last drop out of him he let her continue the torture.
This sentence was a perfect description of the afterglow: They laid there on the now wet hay waiting for their hearts to stop racing like a pair of greyhounds.
Friendly Suggestions: Please consider the ideas below which I write with all humility
You write: When they finally stopped kissing Ida held tight to her husband. Suggestions: When they finally stopped kissing, Ida held her husband close.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Written mostly in dialogue form. At times, it it becomes difficult to follow who is speaking. You have to insert the names occasionally. (like Lucy said or Kevin questioned etc)
The Plot: A story of a man who claims to be in love with his wife. The end is quite unexpected.
What I enjoyed? The diabolical ending. You took me completely by surprise.
Friendly Suggestions: Make the conversations easier to follow so we know who is speaking.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A woman is dumped by her husband. That he moves in with her best friend makes it worse. However, she finds a new man and attempts a new beginning.
What I enjoyed? I liked that you lead character is able to fight off her depression and discovers a desire to make a new beginning.
Friendly Suggestions: You should include a couple of sentences in the beginning as to how she was taken completely unaware of her husband's infidelity and her friend's betrayal.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: I am getting used to the poetic artistry of your stories. I do struggle to keep up with the quality of your prose, but every effort I make is worth it.
The Plot: The brief description neatly sums up the plot.
What I enjoyed? I liked the way you describe the contradictory the feelings evoked when his memories clash against the pompous celebration of independence. You do a wonderful task of describing both the scenes - one of the war and the other of the celebration of independence. You paint a vivid picture of Garrett's guilt when he looks at Marilyn Richison.
Friendly Suggestions: Some of the parts did confuse me. For example, what was meant by the last sentence "Keep your head down, Devil Dog." Also, it took me awhile to figure out that Marilyn Richison was the fallen marine's mother.
Is there an error here? The Cutter leant her assistance again Should it be lent instead of leant?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:
Smooth and easy. A pleasant read.
The Plot:
A pair of twin girls receive similar gifts from their parents for Christmas. The gift of one girl falls from her hands and breaks. It would not be possible to buy her a fresh gift before Christmas.
What I enjoyed?
I loved the picture you painted of a perfect family. The two little girls are absolutely adorable. Amel's gesture is so sweet and endearing.
Friendly Suggestions:
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But my actual rating for this story is 5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and easy to understand.
The Plot: A mother who is completely engaged with her kids in all their games is struggling with an onset of a debilitating illness.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the vivid descriptions of Elsie's views from the window. I also found her engagement with her kids extremely endearing. We get so sucked up in the whirlwind of our own lives that we do not find sufficient time for our kids.
Friendly Suggestions:I think you have got the names muddled up. Who are Jacob and Lily? I thought the kids were Keiran and Izzy. Also, since you clarify that Elsie has two children, these names cannot be of her third or fourth child. It would also help to know how Elsie sustains her family? What is her source of income? Maybe, you could just write that she has inherited wealth from her family. You might also consider including a sentence on the father. That he was someone mean and selfish and left them.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and easy to understand.
The Plot: A man and a woman discover friendship while indulging in a funny contest involving pumpkins.
What I enjoyed? I liked the uniqueness of the story. The other thing I found refreshing was the good-natured friendship between the couple which has the makings of a romance. I enjoyed the playful banter they indulge in during their game. Your story proves that a couple can have fun together without getting involved in intimacy.
Friendly Suggestions: Nothing.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. However, my actual rating for this story would be a 5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and easy to understand. English is not my first language either.
The Plot: A satirical piece on the English speaking people who comment on the English of non-English people
What I enjoyed?This article hit the right chord with me because though English is the language I use constantly at work and and at other places, it is not my first language. Your examples of some of the misspelt words were hilarious.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Could be smoother. You should try and replace the passive voice with active voice. For example,
You write: The climate was temperate and warm sunshine enlivened everyone during April in the city of Baltimore.
Suggestion: The temperate climate and warm sunshine enlivened everyone during April in the city of Baltimore.
You write: They were both possessed by an unbridled surge of desire by now
Suggestion: An unbridled surge of desire consumed both of them.
The Plot: A girl is dumped by a boy with disastrous consequences for him.
What I enjoyed? I am fond of ghost stories and liked the revenge extracted by the girl.
Friendly Suggestions: The erotic part has to be made more arousing.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand
The Plot:Two young boys have fun with firecrackers and are caught red-handed by the police.
What I enjoyed?This is a nice tale of two boys being chastised for an infringement. The part where one of the boys drops names and tries to get away was humorous. However, I did feel that the punishment was too harsh and expensive. Sometimes, the law tends to overdo things which may not always work out right.
Friendly Suggestions: I would like to know how the boys coughed up so much money without the mother knowing. It is also not clear whether the father came to know.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:To be honest, this is a high quality piece of writing which might justify the usage of a lot of English words. I had to use the dictionary a couple of times which I ascribe more to my weakness. Some of the words might be common in the US but I am unfamiliar with them. eg Pinata, chenile, skittered, carrot top, black hills gold. While I consider this to be a learning for me because I learned so many new words, all readers may not have so much of patience. Not everyone might be as great a fan of your writing as I.
The Plot: An old librarian develops tender feelings for a young forsaken child who is a book lover like her.
What I enjoyed? I loved the stunning descriptions. There is so much detailing of everything - the festivities, Tricia's house, the frosting smeared on her brother's mouth. I could go on and on. The gratifying ending left me happy and contented.
Friendly Suggestions: This is a wondrous piece of writing. It is like one of those tough passages which are used for comprehension tests in competitive exams. I wonder if the language could be a bit easier.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But in this case, you richly deserve the 5 rating.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Mostly smooth except for a couples of places where I got a bit puzzled. You can blame it on my ignorance but a writing must reach out to as aide an audience as possible. Examples,
You write: So, yeah, I paid for an elegant looking cheap piece of tat.
Suggestions: Not sure what you meant. Is it a short form of tattoo?
You write: It was pretty and I deserve a little pretty once in a while.
My thoughts: I checked and technically you are correct. The word 'pretty' can be used as a noun. But I found it a bit unusual.
The Plot: A lady buys a bracelet at a sale and makes a surprising discovery about that object.
What I enjoyed?I liked the way you describe a woman's mind. They are so fond of these little trinkets (honestly, I find it endearing when I see my wife indulging herself). The end is unusual but you need to flesh it out a bit.
Friendly Suggestions: A little more clarity at the end would help. I got a feeling that the main lead is the daughter of Aunt Lucy.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and easy to understand. I have a few suggestions (unsure whether I am qualified to give this to a high caliber writer that you are).
The Plot: Fully confirms to the 'dark' genre which you ascribe to the story. I won't give more away because that would destroy the suspense. I wish more readers read this.
What I enjoyed? What a thrilling story! What compelling descriptions! Your description of the town, of the bookstore, of the main characters are all par excellence. The image that accompanies the story is stunning and sultry. The end is so very unexpected.
Friendly Suggestions: I found some of the sentences are long. You might want to shorten them. Consider, the examples below:-
You write: Instead, he found fluffy tales of riches and romance, celebrity cook books, oodles of self help drivel, and fiction with the same tired regurgitated plots.
Suggestion: Do you really need to mention four topics? Just mentioning two would suffice or considering splitting into a couple of sentences.
You write: A roof over your head, good food in your stomach, three thousand dollars a month salary and the opportunity to spend the predicted worst winter in three decades in the company of an arrogant, caustic ass that will keep your perfect brows arching and your delectable lips quirking."
Suggestion: Would we really use such long sentences in a conversation? One might just say three thousand dollars a month salary and the opportunity to spend the predicted worst winter in three decades in the company of an arrogant, caustic ass.
Again, these suggestions are given with all humility. I come from a different culture and might not be the right person to advise on how conversations might actually pan out in your part of the world.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But, your story richly deserves the 5 rating.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and easy to understand.
The Plot: A couple who date in school meet at a reunion.
What I enjoyed? After a long time, I have come across a powerful story. I have a lot of respect for people (especially women) like Cassidy who do not destroy their lives pining for lost love. Instead, she becomes a successful doctor and completely overcomes the humiliation of injury of being shortchanged ( did not want to use the term 'dumped' for someone whom I admire). On a personal note, I have consciously avoided reunions because of the comparisons of who is more successful. I am not afraid but my benchmark is not commercial success.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But I would have anyway rated your story 5. Even higher if that were possible.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and easy to understand
The Plot:A giantess superwoman comes to the rescue of the passengers of a hijacked bus. It is the hijacker's ill-fate that her boyfriend was in the same bus.
What I enjoyed? I liked the character of Diana. It would be a dream to have a girlfriend like her. Strong and powerful leaving the task of fighting scoundrels to her while you just sit back and enjoy the fun.
Suggestions: It would be nice to get a physical description of how Diana looks. We only get to know about her size.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Unclear at times. Consider the following instances.
First para says:"Hi, my name is Ilary, they told me you are good at solving problems, mine, which will soon become yours too, is in the car". Not clear, what is the problem in the car.
Second para says: "They came back to me.." However, I only read about Liza. Should it not be "She came back to me?"
The plot: A story about a huge lady and a shrunken one.
What I loved: I liked Liza's description. She stands out as a desirable woman.
Suggestions: I don't know if there is a word count restriction, but the story ends abruptly. I wanted to know the antidote for Ilary's condition. Also, it would help to know Ilary's gender.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Simple and easy to understand.
The plot: The story dwells on the ruminations of a mentally unsound lady. Her troubled mind conjures about various scenarios about what his happening around her.
What I loved: The surprise element at the end.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Written in the first person which is appropriate to the setting of the story. Language at times appears patchy but that could be justified on the grounds of being the ruminations of a man who has just woken up after a long slumber.
The plot: A man wakes up from coma and tries to piece together his identity.
What I loved: I liked the way Patrick fills the jigsaw puzzle to trace his identity.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Smooth and easy to understand.
The plot: Two parents try to involve their kids in a game with the objective of spending time together.
What I loved: I loved the theme of the parents trying to bond with their kids. I enjoyed the conversations and the parents' patience with their kids' sullenness. It would be a privilege and a blessing to grow up in such a family.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your work for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The language - Easy to understand.
The plot - A couple in love separate because the man starts loving someone else. The man marries the woman with whom he has fallen in love. His first wife builds an independent life with her two daughters. She works hard, becomes an engineer and brings up her girls well. The man's second wife dies and leaves him with a son. He doesn't remarry and brings up his son on his own.
What I loved - I admire the first wife's resolve and determination. The reconciliation at the end is touching.
Suggestions - None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
Language: Smooth and easy to understand
The plot: This is concise and incisive essay on how people receive and act on advice which they themselves solicited and received.
What I liked: Your thinking closely reflects my own. I have also had several instances where people have asked for my advice, ignored it, suffered and then again came back to me for. The only place where I disagree is that I would still try to help these guys if I could.
Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating would be a 4.
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