I enjoyed your poem. It touched my heart with raw emotion. The lines were clean and crisp, and the message was clearly heard that you had a wonderful father. May I assume that your writing was based upon true events occurring in your life? Being one of those rock solid men (perhaps like your dad), it's not easy to reach my heart and nearly make me cry. For within "God's Family Man", I saw myself. I worked double shifts on a regular basis, on my "off days", and many times worked at two or more different jobs. I still struggled to eke out enough money to support my family. Sometimes I look back and regret working all of those long hours that monopolized much of my days. Perhaps my family would have benefited more with my presence at home and sacrificed some of the basic needs that my pay check provided. I can only hope that someday one of my children will put me in a similar league that is occupied by "God's Family Man".
Thank you for sharing an introspective view of the grieving process as experienced by the parents of a murdered child. The story line was riveting, grammar was used perfectly, character development was complete, and your writing style was smooth and made its ease of readability a welcomed bonus to the reader. Reading about your strong feelings was eye-opening information only rarely disclosed by the victimized family. I could feel your disgust and contempt for the monster and his mother, disappointment with the judicial system, and frustration with people in general. Your story was masterfully driven from start to finish through your portrayal of the monster's sinister qualities. Without real name calling, you were able to dehumanize both mother and her murderous son in the eyes of the viewing audience. You accomplished this feat by assigning pseudo names for these characters (Monster and his mother). Stripping them of their identities was a brilliant move to ensure that any sympathy was not lost on these individuals. Your story's final line did not disappoint as mom suggests to herself that she should have beat the monster more frequently. With that potent line, you even eliminated the monster's mother as a supporter.
I absolutely loved your story. Thank you for disclosing that it is a fictional accounting.
I selfishly would like to see crime victims move forward. It may sound unreasonable and counterintuitive, but being able to forgive the guilty parties would be a gift that the victim can give to themselves. As long as we harbor resentment towards the transgressors, the inner range, anger, guilt, and blame will consume us. It might be helpful someday to actually meet with the guilty party. We may also wish to consider joining a grieving group where our thoughts can be honestly expressed. I recently lost a very important person in my life. Friends, co-workers, family members, and neighbors did not know what they should say to me. Consequently their comments, and sometimes lack of comments, made me feel uncomfortable. I decided to write each important party a letter outlining how I was feeling and what actions that I'd hope that they would employ to best serve me. This type of letter is commonly known as a grieving letter. Eventually I instinctively knew that folks were not intentionally trying to be disrespectful or to be insensitive, but instead, they lacked a level of expertise and therapeutic knowledge that would have been helpful to me.
The quality of your writing is absolutely worth a 4.5 star rating. Your story did not just produce a hit, but that hit was a grand slam home run.
Take care. I wish you well,
Ed
I enjoyed the poem for several reasons. First, I understood each word. I enjoy poetry and do not wish to spend time dissecting its meaning like a puzzle or abstract painting. Secondly, the rhyming was spot-on and made reading each word like tasting the bite of a sweet dessert. Each line in your poem reminds the reader of an important lesson. Time marches on, it cannot be bought, and cannot be recaptured. Time is also the great equalizer as it is granted to all people daily in ticks of the clock adding up to 1,440 minutes.Yes, time is an awesome blessing. I will savor every moment of each day and periodically remember your poem as an amazing prize, "The Gift".
This obviously fictional story is indicative of a world gone slightly mad. The message of keeping close watch over our young children cannot be stated loudly enough. It only takes a few seconds of inattention in losing a child to a predator forever.
Your story telling ability is exceptionally solid in holding the attention of your audience. I would recommend that you focus on maintaining the continuity of your thoughts. Some of the story transition lines are a little too abrupt for my taste. Changing the narrative from a child not being properly watched by their caretakers, to pushing readers into believing that the middle aged man is contemplating suicide, to his snapping of a beautiful picture, may be too ambitious in its content and too scattered for many readers to appreciate. Please continue to write stories that are rich in teaching us a useful lesson. Thank you for allowing me the privilege of evaluating your writing ability.
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