This is a stage that all of us enter at one time or another.
I remember when the cold wet blanket hit me in the face. I was about fourteen maybe fifteen. It wasn't my death that rattled my cage it was the death of my mother.
We where driving to the store to buy some groceries. It was a fine warm June day in Texas and we where celebrating that school had let out for the summer. Everything was perfect at that moment when I turned and looked at Momma and watched her as she drove the old green station wagon.
When the thought occurred to me that Momma was one day going to die. Then just as swiftly I wished I would not be alive to see the day.
Now the fat was in the fire, because I realised that I would have to be dead and I did not want to die.
Somehow it suddenly turned around and the sadness was about me and what I wanted.
This is an emotion that will cloud the issue at hand.
My truth was on that day I realised how precious life is to me.
Given the chance I would relive my life again and probably make the same mistakes.
It is important to realise the now. Just as it is important to understand that not everything is about you and your needs.
Remember that in a godless scientific world. Life is equated with energy.
Energy never is destroyed merely diverted.
This was a good topic to air, it made me remember that day and how wonderful that time in my life was when I was indestructable.
Good job.
I can suggest only a few things to make this the read it deserves to be.
While life is an endless cycle, thoughts do not have to be.
Take your reader by the hand and take them where you want them to be and have them feel what you feel as you explore this new dimension.
Good work!
Weird or not Stay Puff would clobberize the Dough Boy.
Think about how hard it would be to get a firm clench on Stay Puff. He is practically elastic. Squeeze him hard and he liquidfies only to reform again.
Think about how gritty he would get in a wrestling match rolling around in a street gutter. He would get real ugly before he finished the half baked Dough Boy off.
That smile would be long gone cause "Dough Boy" done went and messed up his snowy white threads.
That would be fun too watch though.
As a young girl I avoided poetry. I wanted as much distance from me and verse as possible. I believed it was purposely dense or abstract. I often could not grasp the meanings and it made me feel stupid.
Now as a woman who has seen the miles pass beneath my feet and have weathered time with all their aches and pains.
I have grown to love its concentrated simplicity.
The texture of its thoughts, the layers of its meanings.
I grew a little in understanding as I read your piece on poetry.
Bravo.
This poem is an excellent example the hussle bussle in our daily lifes. I adore the rythym and ryhme.
It features a state of mind I an very familar with the good old "I have to do it right the first time because there are no do overs in real life."
How nice it would be to please others and your self too. Sometime feelings are sacrificed, unfortunately they are often mine.
Really good work!
I loved the decriptive phrases you used to bring the world around Seamus to life. If I may make a suggestion? Please include a time frame, what I mean by that besides what season your are in except for your reference to the newborn lambs which implies it is spring. I need a year of our lord type of thing.
I believe for a person born and raised in the USA we also will need an explaination on why a British soldier may legally prey on a God fearing Irishman.
Tell me who was in Parliment and what laws they enacted against the true native people of Ireland.
I am of Irish descent, the awful things done in the name of land grab and religion should be explored.
I am a student of history but I still only see the dimmest picture.
Enlighten me, I dare you!
Wonderful piece but give me some mutton with the stew!
It is an interesting concept, fourteen people born at the same moment in time. Whose purpose is to be brought together to bring to fruit the answer to a prophecy.
With the thought of what the number fourteen means to people who have studied the Tarot. This is the card of "Temperance" where one seeks the balance.
In numerology fourteen is broken down to the number five which is change.
Yet your poem is wide open to any meaning the reader would place on it.
Good job!
I am for anything that makes one think.
She is a lovely lady. Of all the forms of self expression art is the most sujective.
Good shading with minimal use of line to capture the eyes.
I don't see the elf or fairy in her beacuse I am of Prussian background and all the women in our family have these blue eyes and high cheek bones. Oh yeah don't forget the sultry lips.
I would like to have seen the begining of or even a hint of the hairline along the brow.
I am aslo a dappler on the canvas and sell my work.
so don't get into a huff over these pointers. I too know the feeling of " Who do they think they are to say that?"
Otherness may be implied with tipped ears, peaked brows and widows peaked hairline or depth of seen time in the eyes such as old eyes in a young face. Cat's eyes or a mouth with a suggestion of strange teeth.
You are very good make no mistake. But this is just a beautiul woman.
Heifer! Like cold water ever hurt you none.
Made you just as red as hot didn't it?
Besides, why dwaddle?
You only got the one body don't ya know?
When your scrubbing the sweat in the summer off it felt good.
When your washing your hair in the winter it gives you a free face lift and a cherry red complexion.
Besides puckering other things up.
Hooray!
What an interesting study of the minds of two people with so much in common.
Erin who is perfect at three nearly four years old and Jimmy who feels at twenty four he has the same rights that Erin does at three.
While Erin masters her surrounding, a stage in develoment that children go through.
Jimmy labels this natural event as her need to control and admits he feels resentment.
A young child needs constant supervision and guidance.
All the supervision was provided. Even though he resented the constant vigilance he did not fail the child nor did he hurt her.
I would also say in the back of his mind as he tossed her high in the air a little touch of resentment showed.
Why I state this is how often he resented the her request for him to watch.
His repeating that she cheated, how she could command him by setting the rules of any game.
To answer my opening statement of two like minds of dissimiliar age.
They both consider themselves centers of their universes battling for polarity.
Excellent thought provoking piece.
Good Work.
How beautiful! How lyrical your descriptions are as you speak of natures preformance.
The piece flowed with the moment. It steadily built in tempo soft with the gentle rumble of a tymphany drum. Deep and soft building in sound and volume till the scenes burst upon you like raindrop's splatter.
Lovely work.
I loved the personal touch of the spider crawling up your leg as a reminder of reality. It tied the reader to you with the event.
That is exactly how it happened to this lady.
Her fear of death was so great that she could not bear the end to her pain, so she fought.
She fought the relentless pull of the current that drags you to the rivers edge.
She struggled to stand strong on the bank's shifting sands.
The lessons of her life told her only of a fierce demanding God that swept all before him in his anger.
It does not often speak of the warmth and tenderness found in the cup of his hand.
Of the soft whispers of forgiveness as he draws you next to his heart.
All will be well, Mary go in peace.
Lets be honest it is nobody's fault. Youth wears their feelings on their sleeves. Everything touches you the wrong way and darling the list can go on for days in an endless recital of needs.
Dear, lets now face facts. Somebody out there loves you well if you have made it to graduate school. The old maxim "No man is an island unto themselves" definitely applies here.
I read the work you presented. May I also say that I have been there and done that and I, eventually got off my pity pot to pick up the pieces and try again.
The best and the worst thing about life is it is not the least bit stagnet, it is always changing even if you are completely unaware the fact.
I do not have to tell you that you are a smart and talented writer, you know that already.
I also know no matter what you weigh or how you look or even think you look, boys are noticing you.
Chin up and smile more, sugar if you where to bend that awesome intellect making the fellows laugh you would have to beat them off with baseball bats.
You sold the piece to me.
Good work.
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