The story was okay, but you failed to use proper punctuation. There weren't any commas where they should've been placed, and honestly, it made it a bit hard to follow.
Some of your character development was a bit off.
"Detective remound Lewis hated his job he gave his heart to this job."
If he hates it, why would he give his heart to something like this? Is he a hard worker? It'd help to list something like that.
You also had issues with spelling.
"these puncher wounds on her neck." Things like this make a story harder to follow, and distrupts the flow of it.
Finally, when dialouge shifts to another character, it is customary to start a new paragraph for that character. For example:
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:39am on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
