Hey, darling! I entered the Cramp for this prompt and the title of your piece intrigued me, so I decided to come on over and give it a review!
I know the Cramp is limited to 1000 words, so it's obviously difficult to get into things, but there isn't a lot of emotional depth here. There are also a few things that I'm not sure aren't intentional, but I wanted to make known to you just in case you wanted to change them at a later date.
First things first, those things I wasn't sure you knew:
1) Short hair on a woman in this time was...rare. Not until the early 20th century (particularly the 1920s) did women cut their hair short, and when that happened...well, it was done exactly because it was a rebellion against the staid styles of the late 19th and very earliest years of the 20th century. At the time of your story, the ideal beauty was that of the Gibson Girl, who absolutely had long hair. Obviously, you could have done this on purpose, but if you wanted authenticity (which is paramount for Steampunk stories, as the technology can get so outlandish), I'd recommend the slight change.
2) Your story isn't quite Steampunk. It's actually closer to...well, history. By this point in history, Edison had already invented the light bulb and electricity was weaving its way around the country. Not steam-based electricity, but our modern conception. Steampunk is retro-futurism; it's the idea that Victorian England (or sometimes the Wild West) had advanced to the point that they were an par with what we have today, but in a steam-propelled/clockwork sort of way. In some cases, it's based on already available technology, but advanced to a point that the people of that era would never have dreamed of. You mentioned that this was your first crack at Steampunk, so I thought you might want to know. Let that imagination go WILD. That's the fun part of Steampunk. It's Historical Science Fiction.
Now...on to the story. Obviously it's the Cramp, so...who cares about grammar and stuff? That's not the point. On that note, you did well. There were few grammatical issues and those were borderline, so let's move on.
The difficult thing of writing a story with 1000 words is getting depth. And that is really hard to do. As it stands, though, you have a character that leaves more questions than answers them. Why, for example, is your character so angry at her husband? Is it really because she thinks electricity is out of a science fiction novel? Given that she lives in 1898, she really shouldn't, as I mentioned above. But ignoring that...what is the genesis of her current loathing? Is it that he's always at work? That he's boring and stodgy? Does she feel trapped? Is he not providing the life for her that she was promised? What?
Obviously this is just the Cramp, so I didn't drop your rating too far because that wouldn't be fair. The thing with such short stories is, though, the story either has to be really simple or the language has to be really loaded. And a wife hiring a prostitute to seduce her husband so she could divorce him...that's not simple, so you're left with language. Try, when you can, to use three words when you want to use six...that way, you get all the impact of 2000 words for a waist-slimming 1000 words! OR, edit with a critical eye. Get rid of absolutely anything that doesn't drive the story forward. Extraneous details that are cool in longer stories but don't add to anything to the plot are a no-go for such word limitations. I'm not really editing for style here...more giving the sort of advice I loved getting when I struggled with writing stories with a limited word count. Learning to write with purpose as well as edit with a keen eye for necessity are two of the greatest skills a writer can have, and a contest with such a limited word count is absolutely the best way to exercise those skills.
Anyway...great job! Congrats on your first foray into Steampunk! It's a wonderful genre totally worthy of further exploration and I hope you continue doing it!
Write On!
-Quaddy |
|