I liked this. Maybe as its part of a series of interconnected tales it was harder to get into than otherwise, which is why I've given it 3.5. Greater familiarity might make it more satisfying. I particularly liked the way that the atmosphere seemed to be hot and stultifyingly slow as maybe ancient Egypt was.
Its well written and quite gripping. Clearly a lot more detail is still to come, and will inevitably help to clarify, the no doubt deliberately fractured opening. Or at least I would hope so. It ought to develop into a good story, with potential to expand the genre.
Interesting idea. Appalling execution. Maybe the fault of the formatting. Several questions/points however. What's a 'punker'? we never used the term, back in the 80's when I knew loads , and neither did they. They were punks. Why are they eating rubbish? They would have had money. Squatting was not illegal. We signed on the dole when squatted. And please use the spellchecker...douchebag for example. Apart from that I might have liked it.
I liked it. The characters worked well and for such a short piece were very well developed. It managed to get a lot of background detail in, simply and convincely by use of the first meeting/been going out for six months device. I presume it's the start of a longer piece.
A couple of things, Angie suddenly appears from nowhere, and a voice doesn't slightly lower an octave, thats a big drop. Also I wasn't aware of any invitation to go out either.
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