Overall this is good and different. Your imagery with words is nice and beautifully put. You maintain a beautiful flow throughout the chapter. Overall the story slowly growing, characters are developing still, which always takes time in writing. 3 parts isn't enough time to develop a complete character.
I only noticed one error. Catholic should be capitalized, besides that you did great.
The third stanza needs to start with a capital letter. Psalms from ash Wednesday are actually gray not white, even when they are freshly burnt. The over all theme is really rough because I feel you are taking a stance against religion but also asking for someone to forgive you for having a baby. Work on a few things and this could be a really great poem.
Beautifully put and well worded. The imagery with the words, the feeling of what lost can be is different for everyone. This poem should be one that touches a lot of people who are looking to read something to dark. I see no basic errors, might try centering (I notice in my work it shows more power.) Keep up the great work.
This fits really well in today's society and how some people assignments go beyond what they ever thought and the next time they see freedom is when their retire from a place. Well worded, great imagery. A lot of showing not telling which is great to have. Well done.
Beautiful, tragic, wonderful, and very storytelling. You have a family who is brought together for someones last rites. While some family members are against religion but go through the motions because they are paying respect to a family member. Beautiful imagery and use of words.
Sad but beautiful. The stanzas all match, the form is great, words are powerful and paint a beautiful image. Your grandson would be proud.
My only suggestion would to possibly break it up a little more. Some of the lines seem long and like the want a natural break.
Beautiful and describes the joys of winter and the months that come about. Great use of words and flow. The scene is wonderful and glorious. Great job.
I like it but it seems short, like something was missing. I am not sure what but maybe another stanza or something. I feel what you are saying but I feel like that you have more to say and that you want to say it. The words and what they do are great and tell a beautiful yet dark story. Just feel like you need a little more.
Wonderful chapter that makes me want to read more. The use of different scriptures to create a story is wonderful and no overdone. You have a talent for keeping things balanced. The choosing of him to be with the knight is great and could lead to a bright future and some big choices down the road.
Why does everyone have such a hard time with J..J what is his name name? Is that something that is explained later because it seems that no one likes to say his name or is he your Voldermort and he is the name of who shall not be named. Great development in the story. Keep up the good work.
I love how he is isolated but not really depending on how you look at it. The book that he keeps reading is drawing more and more. I wonder if this will play the big factor at the climax and finish. How do people handle it or is it just him who gets it. Well done
Awesome chapter, shows the conflict but the detail is wonderful. Characters are great and believable. You also have the introduction of others that creates more depth in the novel. Keep chugging them out and working on the story. You have a really great start. Onto the next chapter.
My first thought when finishing was Clint Eastwood meets Left Behind meets post rapture stories. These are always great to read because it gives the reader insight into something that no one knows or really understands. What is it going to be like. Who is going to be there? Great job. I love the content and the writing is great. No noticeable grammar errors.
Interesting but fast pace. I love stories like this. Having a choice that you can pick what you do next. Each part leads to something different and can give every reader something different. Let alone creating something like this for people to able create with is amazing. Great job.
Beautiful and true. Some people miss the things we are given because of the blinders they have on. You have a great piece here that shows talent in writing and story telling in very little words.
I feel like this is a good start to a great poem. The leaving at thoughts, and thoughts, and more thoughts leaves you wanting to read more and like you can add more to create something my dynamic. The repetitiveness is good and shows a good structure.
This is wonderful and asks a lot of questions that a lot of people go through. Artist seem to have a complex life and we are the ones who question a lot of things. Life, death, past experience, future, etc. This is well done and gives a lot of different meanings for everyone.
This is wonderful from start to finish. The words are gripping and the theme is fantastic. I love the flow, word choice, and overall theme. You gripped me from the start and was looking forward to reading every line. The final line delivers something that a lot of people can relate to and that makes a poem great is when you can have the human element relate to it. Great job
This hits the nail on the head. The line "battling change is a winless war" is something that a lot of people can not accept because it bends their twisted reality to the truth into something that they feel go against something they find morally superior.
Great job and beautifully written. Keep up the good work.
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