a lovely cross over you have made here .... it was quite an interesting read.i really loved the phrase "..with butter in its gears ..."in the second stanza.
overall it was a really creative poem .....the cross over u have made is really creative ....not all can achieve this ..and i think you did that beautifully...the rhymes were really good.. but i feel in the last stanzas u can make it work better ..the concept very appalling..keep it up.
Peace in.
Little Red Pen :)
hello,
a lovely little piece here .so many hidden secrets in this little poem i reallly liked it . i really liked how you represented the love softness and warmth and then described the fall.then recallin how u asked not to break the heart but well it still happened .it really is a deep poem with emotions i can feel it.
i feel like the person who wrote it must be crying when the entire story of their love must have been playing in front of their eyes, and then the heart very sensibly elected words to express it in this way.very well done keep it up.
Spread A smile ...:)
Hello, random reviewing , but a nice piece of writing her.
Nice expresion of what goes inside .How I perceive it it may be that your are in a party or around people in a crowd ..most probably a party
So the rhyming scheme is amazing . The rhymes go together very smoothly. No forced rhymes.
The flow of the poem is good. Continuation is very nicely done .a proper story line starting from one end to another. So overall deeply written
.
One thing you can improve on ... Try working on the syllable count a bit. In the third and the last stanza the syllables are a little cranky and uneven .so you may try to work on that.
But in the nlend I'll say nicely written piece and a great expression of emotions and feelings .chaos inside mind expressed perfectly .
Peace in
-littoe red pen
An episode of sherlock holmes flashed in my mind while reading this little piece.
very precisly written but explained in a good way .The starting is amazing gets you hooked to it with the first line.And then comes the plot twist. For a second you start to think that oh ohhh hes dead but then bang bang bang and woala.hes alive... nice catch with "it does indeed" you can feel the smirk on his face while reading it .
try writing a further story on this .keep it up. :)
that is lovely...we are the wolf-alas .. hahaha its a lovely song depicting the true nature of humans...reminds me of the strong and powerful but dangerous nature of humans and all the man kind.they build gigantic machines to make their buildings and destroy nature with the same.there are terrorist ,thieves criminals all over the world.. but the hand full of good people make this world worth living.gandhi said ...be the change you wish t see in the world so that's just what we have to do ..keep writing.. i'd love to read more
oooooh this one I like a lot. its elegant,and deep, and vey green.. I love nature so this poem hit my heart .it has quite a meaning to it ...i'd love to read moreof your work .keep writing...
your poem is really amzing...but let me tell you one thing life's not fare..it never was it isn't nd never will be ..it is all just suffering....shattering of dreams, with no hope ,,there is no such thing as god , or trust ,or faith ,or even dreamz .theres nothing in this world its all just big s*** and nothing else and I hate it...I hate growing up ..I hate this world
ONCE UPON A TIME there was a teddy bear ,named Linn. He had a light brown colored fur and Big black eyes. He was handsome. EVERYDAY,he used to sit by the sea, thinking about how Great his life can be. Some days he would dream about the fun he would have if he became a rock star. Other days he would think about the world in the great blue ocean. Some dreams were better than the others. ONE DAY on his 13th birthday he ate, tummy full of fruits and slowly drifted into the land of dreams ,but this time he saw himself as a very old man with white fur, and a walking stick. The light in his eyes had faded and he was on his deathbed regretting that he had spent his life just dreaming and doing nothing. His eyes were filled with tears of sorrow and pain. He had done nothing his whole life ,except for sitting in that old chair by the sea and dreaming. And then with a sudden breath he passed away. Linn woke up sweating from head to toe and with a deep fear in his heart of dying with regret. BECAUSE of that fear, he stood up and turned his back towards the sunset and went away from the comfort of his life to work hard, UNTIL FINALLY he gave a rocking concert on the pacific ocean in a big bad and the smoothest floating ship named "no regret".
this is a fantastic piece of writing here..... I loved how you've described the stages of cancer in its treatment and the comparisons are quite good...and the concept of staying strong no matter what happens says it all ....its quite an appealing poem.. I like to ask you where did you get the idea ..coz it feels like well you know u knew someone with cancer nd you've tried to depict her story... i'd love to hear from you..
Very Beautiful , I actually feel like like reading it again and again . it is a very nice piece .I love the description and the amazing concept of time .very beautiful .keep on writing...
Hmmmmm ok, I really wonder what made you write this?? I just came across it and after Reding it (well its not too much to read but still) I really wonder what made you think in this .tell only if your comfortable and I'll advice you to use more punctuation next time :)
Wowwwwww,this one is a beauty.heard distant thunder ,natures tortured screens beautiful line .this piece is really remarkable. Especially the title its just ....beautiful
Haaaa a nice piece. It really does hook the reader with it.I really did like it.boom, boom, boom must have been my favorite line. Very amazing description in an ironic way nice keep it up ,I'll love to red more
Peace in..
Wow, beautifully written ,a deep poem.it reminds me of the novel a walk to remember by Nicholas Sparks the protagonist of the novel prays for others . it is a great pt of view writing a poem about it . keep it up. And I loved the selection of words here. I really do wonder. What made u wrote this poem.... I'd love to read more
sweeet, 1st i must tell that i love magic so this poem i liked instantly its very magical and sweet and pink not red but pink.you have written it deeply but i must say that the syllable count varries due to which a flow didnot build up while reading it but still
a great job done
keep it up
peace in..........
its so pretty and romantic if a guy actually wrote something like this for me i would kiss him right on the spot . it is so very sweet from the bottom of the heart seems like you miss her a lot .but you know what if she isnt comming back then try to move on coz by reminding yourself of her will just hurt you more. i dont know your story but this is what i'll advise
but if she is comming back then keep calling her with such beautifull words i'm sure she'll say --- i do!!!!!!!
touched my heart -literally. elegance woven into the wild landscape- beautifull line infact the entire poem is elegant i'll say. each line carries the reader to the next one in the most soft gracefull way. it isnt a poem of attack or sudden bolts but a sweet smooth and a soft one running deep into the countryside oh i love the country side whether in in america paris or india i just love it .it creates a sense of unqueness in a person . i dont know if u'll understand but i feel and take the countryside ,the hard work ,the morning orange sun , the animals way beetter than citis filled with noise and nonsence it may be mordern but there are things which can never match up to a beatifull country side.
u have done an amazing job here
keep writting
god bless you
peace in..............
amzing , this poem is a really good one.i love the deep meaning in the poem. i'm reading the throne of glass series these days and it seeems i can relate almost every thing to it. i love the idea of that mirror reflection you wrote about its a very good poem.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Keaton! this poem is an amazing one 1st of all I love the format in which itt is written it reminds me of something I read a long time ago. Next the idea that you dwelled upon about a wishing well and hope I loved it although it got a little confusing in the beginning but then I did get a hang of it . it’s a good one . keep writing. I’d love to read more
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! I’m so sorry for your pet’s death but I must say that your ability to write short poems and describe the entire scene is amazing I read another ne of yours the zombie one I found that one quite fascinating too.
Perhaps you can try to make your poems longer and maybe give them a little rhythmic or poetic sense like rhymes etc. they would surely improve your writing keep up the good work I’d love to read more!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow !!hi this piece that you wrote here is a good ne most of the info. Was new to me but lately having watched the movie “baghi” I did find out that the establishers of shaolin were Indians I was fascinated being a kung Fu fan and learner myself I was surprised but nit even too much as “India has been the pioneer for many things” either language, math, combat, or study its always the 1st one only the thing is that not everyone knows this and the history of India in the 17th and 18th century turned things around nowadays India is famous for its crimes, accidents, politics, conspiracies, smuggling, scams etc. you get the idea right . but think how great it would be if our India stood up for right , rainbows shone around every corner people believed in themselves and the RIGHT THING and they started t dream to imagine and be creative oh I s sometimes wish India was also developed . But whatever we can at least make it better...
Keep dreaming and writing love to read more
Beautiful this poem is really beautiful...I love the term 12 springs ago, usually its winter but spring really like enlightens the entire poem. I love the way you have written in this poem to rise above the normal world and all the worldly stuff to get connected with the almighty. It’s a marvelous piece and very true too,it’s really a fact that the god has given us a life more than we asked. It’s very spiritual and you have done some deep thinking for it!!!!!! Keep it up. I’ll love to hear from you and keep writing!!!!
Hi, I must say you have done a very remarkable work in this lil piece
I love the Lune idea probably might use it in future and the story is awesome. I loved how you wrote about color differences and love a few days ago I read the book “To Kill A mocking bird “by Harper lee and your poem reminded me of that book your writing is seriously amazing the words are very sweet and arranged perfectly .well keep writing I’d love to read more of your poems
hi,this is a creative ideA of falling intto a game but it surely could have been better . keep it keep trying add more situations nd challenges to it. oh! and dont frorget to pproof read
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