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Review of Tick Tock  Open in new Window.
Review by K-wil Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
For a short poem this is very interesting and conveys quite a lot. I'll get my gripes out of the way early: "being flower and cock" confuses me greatly and makes the rhyme feel forced. And it's a shame because the rhyme and repetition in form are pretty flawless throughout the rest of the poem, so this line jumps out like a ghastly aberration! The syllable count is more of a mouthful as well.

Also, for some reason I found "too soon rundown" to be a disappointing line sonically and conceptually. It doesn't sound right to me and it's too vague whereas the rest of your lines have a very specific referent (flower, living beings, rock, water etc).

However I LOVE the repetition of rundown because in it's first instance it is an adjective, then it becomes an imperative (almost?) verb. And I also LOVE the repetition of the words in the middle of the line "man, man; gone, gone" etc. The simplicity is great. You lead us throughout the whole prehistory and history and future of Earth and boil down the complexity in a way that's almost childlike (but endearingly so!).

On a closer look the word "resources" rubs me the wrong way too. It's vague, but it's also loaded with political implications and assumptions about environmentalism and global warming etc. Maybe that was your intention, but would "sustenance" be a better word? Because it's not necessarily the resources that are gone, just the things needed to sustain (presumably) human life.

Nice little poem. Let me know if you revise.
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