I really liked this poem! Your word choice was great; many of them were 'out there' and really added a great touch to the piece. I also liked your use of similes, metaphors, and other figurative language to make your points without clear-cutting them. Keep writing!
I liked the background behind the story. It was an nice idea, and I think you wrote through it well. There were a few spelling errors and similar, but they would be easy to fix if you wanted. I also noticed that you dropped some commas throughout the piece; they would similarly be simple to fix, but you may want to look them over. On another note, I thought that you used good descriptions, and realistic ones, considering the background, that really brought the piece to life.
I thought your poem was very good. I enjoyed how you used repetition of the title to make a point of how everything is connected, although in some instances it seemed a bit weighty. You might try rearranging or substituting some of the words in the middle for more meaningful ones. Otherwise, the passion was great; throughout the piece, I had a mental picture of a dim, rose-colored room that slowly faded to darkness, the last lines whispered into nothing. That was the best part for me.
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