Awesome. Thank you for sharing your insight and highlighting an important aspect of writing. I find what you said to be true in that 'people are busy' and we are. Crazy thing is we're only getting busier... So catching your audience is the number 1 challenge for anything, whether it be a book, music or business. Have to get their attention and keep it, as you point out.
Again, thanks for the instruction. Only benefit can come from these thoughts. :)
Not bad, not bad at all. It's fairly simple and straight forward, but you hold your own well in executing it. The only critique I can offer really is, I would have liked seen less of a detached view... More emotion mixed with the observation. But at the end of the day that's not mandatory by any means. More of preference on my part I'm sure. Anyway, good job. Keep writing.
This is different. I could say it's depressing, but in all honesty it doesn't depress me while reading it cause it doesn't paint enough a clear enough picture. It more so makes me wonder if the author is depressed, and a pessimist for that matter. I was hoping this would have some profound point to it, but there really isn't. It's simply the words of a mind dwelling in a sad place.
The wording could have been better. A piece structured like this requires more vocabulary to keep pace and it just doesn't. Not my cup of tea, sorry. There are 'dark' poems out there that I find really good, so don't take this as a disdain for the style. I just know it could have been done better and less selfishly.
Okay, this is different. I confess that I do think of Dr Seuss right away when I read this. haha. I don't know if that was a conscious decision or not . Overall, I thought there were some great play on word moments in this. You clearly show that you're intentionally messing with your audience on this one and knowing that it doesn't make much sense or have a real objective behind it other than amusement. So it's all in good fun, and I can tell you know how to write. Ultimately an opinion on this piece really just comes down to preference, so I'm not going to say it's bad, but I can't say it's good either. Simply, you have a way with words and you know how to have to fun with them. And hey, that is most certainly a talent. So on that note, keep having fun and do what you do. I could see you capable of making some picture books if you really wanted to. Keep writing!
This poem makes me very happy. The love and thought that goes into it is self evident, and I would certainly be touched if a parent wrote this to me. I don't have much to critique, with something this personal, who cares. lol. I wish more parents did something like this for their kids and vice versa the kids for their parents. Heartfelt. Thank you for sharing. :)
Hmmmmm. This is a interesting one.... I really like the flow and rhythm you have with your words and choices of. Although it could be considered a 'dark' or even 'gothic' type piece. You have a lot more elegance than the majority of that genre presents. In all truth, I'd really like to see write a piece or even short with pre-determined goals and destinations for it. Reading through this, I knew where it was going and it would end before I got there. It terms of what it is and what it's saying, I've heard it all before. But I really like how you did it and the grace you did it with. That being said, I would definitely love to see you write a piece with thought out depth and direction. You know what I mean? Go past the traditional depressed teenager themes and grab something with multiple levels of meaning and emotions going on. I say that cause this was fairly focused on one thing and one general emotion.
As people we are constantly juggling and perceiving multiple emotions simultaneously leading ourselves to both enlightenment and distortion on things at the same time. I would love to see you write something that takes those complexities/realities into account, cause I honestly think you could. And I really think you have it in you to create something quite special and profound.
So take this as my review/request I guess. haha. Good job, keep writing.
A little bit of tough love here, bear with me, I'm giving you my honest feedback and opinion. Do with it what you will.
OK, first off. The title of the poem caught my attention, I thought it has good flavor as a title. Though it did disappoint me to see the poem did not connect with the title in any way shape or form that an audience could recognize. An audience likes to see that connection. If there is one, use it. People actually quite enjoy works with clever titles that have meaning.
Now as for the poem itself. For me I found it lacking in story or meaning until the very end. Yes it has the motions and characteristics of a story or meaning, but it lacks substance that significantly connects with the audience. The words were not productive enough and there was too much for how little came out of it.
I liked the connect in the last paragragh, but I don't believe there was enough meaning communicated in your metaphores (literal or not).
I think you have potential and certainly have the ability to write. Honestly. (I wouldn't spend any time writing this review if I didn't think so.)
So my advice to you would be to keep at the writing. Develop your thoughts and ponder what meaning you want to get across in the piece before you even begin to put words down. Connect with your audience. Remember, the reason we write is so someone will read it, and even better, understand what we write.
You have good thoughts going into your writing (this piece did have good ones.)
but I didn't feel you communicated your message as well you wanted.
Center yourself, think about what you're writing and why you're writing it. Focus on the emotions. The emotions are the key to connection.
So that being said, keep up the work. You're progressing with each word and every thought that goes into these. Keep at it. If you just stick to it and learn as you go there are no limits to what you can do.
Good work. :)
It's alright. Somewhat bleak and underdeveloped.
Came across as venting to a situation that the audience is left to assume what it is cause you did not share that part.
My advice, connect with the audience. Be less selfish in the overall scheme of your writing.
Make it real for the audience. Add more details and emotions from both sides.
This was an alright piece for me.
I thought it had some good play on words "Every weak of every month."
I don't know if that was a spelling error or not. If its not I think it was very clever and I would of liked to see that cleverness throughout
the entire piece.
Overall it was a very good thought, but I think it could use more development.
Keep at the writing, you have a good head for it.
Practice, practice. ;)
Wow. Awesome job. I very much love the imagery in this piece.
I do think it could of rhymed better at certain spots, but the overall package was fit together so nicely it really didn't make too much of a difference to me.
I really liked it, it was enjoyable to read, and it had a message.
Very well done, it's great.
Keep writing!
I look forward to see what you'll dish out next. :)
I thought this poem was very well written and thought out.
My only critique would be I would like the ending and beginning to reflect each other more. But I still think its a really good piece.
Good job. Keep writing.
Oh my gosh, this has got to be one of the creepiest things I've ever read, but it is awesome!
The rhymes were extremely well balanced.
The vocabulary was precise and well selected.
It is very strong, horrifying, and has a haunting message.
Well done. That gave me chills.
*standing aplause*
Wow. I really liked this one actually. It's well written, has purpose and meaning in it.
And the flow of the rhyme is very smooth and well thought out.
Good job, I enjoyed it.
You're a gifted writer.
Thank you for sharing.
I think it's pretty good. Honestly I would of liked to see more angles, but it's still good as is.
Though the emotion in there is begging to be given a voice.
Maybe not through this poem in particular, but may I suggest you capture the emotion in there (as well as the message) and just completely set it off.
The emotions behind this situation are very strong, but it obvious they are tamed in this piece in an attempt to keep proper composer to make it more widely accepted amongst the 'proper'.
My advice: There is no proper or inproper way of feeling, therefore I advise you to forget 'proper' when it comes to emotion. Far too many writers make the mistake of candy coating and altering emotional perspective to gain favor from mainstream writers, in consequence the emotion is either lost or comes across detached and artificia/fictional.
I say let the pure fire of emotion come through and worry about the technique and style later when you edit.
It's very reapetitive. I thought the grammer was a little differently executed in this piece (not a bad thing).
Overall it's ok, but it jumps all over without actually progressing much.
This is just my opinion, take it for what it's worth. But it comes across like the auther did not understand the nature of what he/she was writing here.
The emotions were lacking with what was presented, and I could not feel much soul in the words.
Not my favorite, but it's not terrible. I think you could work on this one a little more if you wanted. Your choice.
Wow. I think your idea is really good, though I do wish it was more developed. I really didn't start feeling the piece until the last paragraph.
Good thought, good idea.
My advice for you, try to draw the audience in with a more full feel and picture.
Got the idea out of it (which is really good) but it needs more feeling. Honestly one would think of the ordeal you draw out as being quite tramatic.
But it doesn't really capture the emotion of that for me. Sorry.
Very good idea for a piece though.
You have some unique perspective as a writer.
Keep writing!
I think it's a good piece. Well written.
Though at times I felt the piece was too scattered and environment description took priority over the message and story.
Freedom came as more of an existing side note, but not the point or center of the poem.
And there was a lot of well written lines in place that did not quite need to be there.
They're good, but they did not benefit the story or message in anyway, hence again, making the message appear as more of a side note.
I think freedom is definitely the soul of this piece, but that's about it. I don't really see your opinion or any form of philosophy in this piece.
The perspective is somewhat shallow. At the end this poem will be remembered as a fluffy nice poem.That's not bad, but I'm not sure that is what you were going for either.
My advice, try to be more productive with your use of scenery. Nice scenery is good, but if dwelled on too much the message in the piece takes a back seat and may not be as noticable as the painted canvas 'over there'.
I still think it's a good well written piece.
Good job and keep writing.
Well written. Sad, short and to the point. A very good simple piece.
Although I admit I would of liked to see more layering and possibly a more developed work.
But it's still good for what it is.
Wow, you are good.
Honestly I liked the beginning paragraph the best.
But the entire thing is very well written.
Structure, technique, rhyming.
My only critiques would be I did not feel as if the first paragraph was connected enough to the following two.
The last two paragraphs connect alot better. But the first almost seems as if it's leading up to a entirely different poem.
Also I would of liked to see your message come through more powerful. It's there, but somewhat hidden beneath the aloft bliss of the writing.
I do not know if you did this intentionally (I think you did, but not sure). My advice to you would be to handle blissful scenery and expressions wisely. They can compliment a poem, but if they become the soul of the work people who would of valued the message will not see it because they are either caught up in bliss or not interested in searching it out due to overt bliss.
Pretty good. Nice play of words. Comes across very sensual in a longing way.
Really get a sense of the girl waiting for (and envisioning) Mr Right.
Though I must admit, to me it seems you could of gone longer with it. I don't know, it seems somewhat incomlete.
I think it is very well written, You are indeed a talented writer. :)
Good job.
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