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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/renderedtruth
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Review by renderedtruth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
I think that is a great description of how it feels to suffer from writer's anxiety. I am giving you a 3 star review because if I gave you too high of one I would be afraid you might like this kind of story too well and begin dwelling on these thoughts.

I would reccomend that you look for books and advice on overcoming 'writer's anxiety.'

This is a very good portrayal of those feelings and you could be writing about something more interesting if you were not worrying so much about not being able to write.
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Review by renderedtruth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed your poem. I wonder if you have seen the movie "Wings of Desire"?
The poem reminded me of it.

I thought some of the grammar could have been better. The verbs in the couplets about walk and past I think should be in agreement, either walked and past or passed, or walk and pass.

Also the word beliefs is missused. "Beliefs in their own way," should be believe in their own way because the sentence calls for a verb. It could be written grammatically with the word beliefs by saying "Beliefs of their own."

The second verse could use fewer s's. Actually it is the last line of the second verse. I would just eliminate all of the ending s's there and make it: Such as beer and cake, or cakes.

I think there is a wrong word in the line "So they promptly are not dead." I think you may have been trying to get properly or some other word there. Promptly just doed not seem to fit.

In the last verse there is some confusion in the line "and favor others more." I understood what you meant, that the angels want us to give more favor to others but it could also be interpretted that the angels prefer others to ourselves and I feel that it could be made clearer which meaning you are intending.
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