What type of music(genre)? Fast or slow? Is this the chorus only? I'm not quite feeling it but lyrics are hard to "get" without knowing what music and rhythm the writer has in their head to go along with the words.
Good lines, deep. Seems to be a lot of meaning in this poem but alas, I don't quite understand it. At first I thought I did but then it took a weird turn and I'm not sure what it's trying to say. I read it twice and if I hadn't enjoyed it, I wouldn't have made it through once so keep going....Thanks!
I'm not sure why but I didn't feel this when I read it (no pun intended). The whole time I was reading it, although interesting, I knew I was reading a poem... Instead I'd like to be drawn in, lost in the moment. I think maybe your telling instead of showing. Overall good flow, maybe just work on the "feeling" more. Keep it up, I see potential here.
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