WriterRick's (rick12221) Reviews

WriterRick

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943 Public Reviews Given

961 Total Reviews Given

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#4790906

Review of A cry In the darkness

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This piece has a strong, emotional pull, capturing a deep sense of longing and the agony of separation. The imagery of darkness, space, and the search for a lost soul is vivid and effective. The repetitive questioning about the other person adds a layer of urgency and desperation to the tone. The contrast between proximity and distance, both physical and emotional, is hauntingly conveyed, especially with phrases like "Your face hidden in shadows" and "galaxies separate us." The use of sensory details, like the "invisible silk of a spider's web" and the lingering scent, creates a strong atmosphere of longing and mystery.

The theme of searching across time and space for a connection that feels both familiar and unattainable is powerful. The idea of missing someone never met is a striking reflection of how deep emotional connections can transcend physical realities. The ending, with the faint cry from the universe responding to the speaker’s call, is a beautifully poetic way to tie together the longing and hope.

However, there are moments where the language could be tightened a bit for clarity or impact. For example, “the night clutches me in one final choking embrace” feels a bit overdone compared to some of the more subtle lines earlier. While the repetition of "How can I miss someone I have never met" is effective, some readers might want a bit more variation to avoid it feeling too repetitive toward the end. Still, overall, it’s a striking piece that evokes strong emotions of loneliness, desire, and hope.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790903

Review of Committed to Role: Delivered Consequence

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem has a rich, whimsical tone, full of vivid imagery and playful expressions. It seems to delve into themes of wealth, desire, and relationships, while also mixing in light-hearted commentary on contemporary culture. The structure and rhyme scheme give it a lyrical quality, though the phrasing is sometimes a bit abstract, making it feel more like a stream of consciousness.

The first few lines, "The richer that someone seemingly gets, / The beaming becomes more zoned," set the stage for a reflection on how wealth can change a person’s focus or demeanor. There's a slight sense of disillusionment here, as if success and materialism can lead to a detachment from what truly matters.

The transition into the idea of a “cruise for one’s beauteous vacation” vs. a “staycation” provides a fun twist on the typical notion of escape and relaxation, suggesting perhaps that the best moments don’t always need to be grand or far-flung.

There's also a playful tone in lines like “A trophy does imagine the graces / Of a most prosperous and extravagant future,” which brings a bit of irony into the mix. The imagery of the "trophy" seems to comment on superficial ideals of success and beauty, alluding to the way society often glamorizes wealth and outward appearances.

The later stanzas introduce an encouraging, almost uplifting tone, urging the reader to embrace youthful joy, make amends, and enjoy life in a balanced, healthy way ("Have some sober, delicate, decent fun"). This shift to a more positive outlook gives the poem depth, moving from cynicism to hope.

Overall, it has a surreal, almost satirical quality, weaving between different thoughts and ideas about materialism, love, and the pursuit of happiness. It’s an intriguing poem with a lot of potential for deeper interpretation, though its abstract nature might make it a bit challenging for some readers to fully grasp on the first read.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790902

Review of Committed to Role: Delivered Consequence

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem has a rich, whimsical tone, full of vivid imagery and playful expressions. It seems to delve into themes of wealth, desire, and relationships, while also mixing in light-hearted commentary on contemporary culture. The structure and rhyme scheme give it a lyrical quality, though the phrasing is sometimes a bit abstract, making it feel more like a stream of consciousness.

The first few lines, "The richer that someone seemingly gets, / The beaming becomes more zoned," set the stage for a reflection on how wealth can change a person’s focus or demeanor. There's a slight sense of disillusionment here, as if success and materialism can lead to a detachment from what truly matters.

The transition into the idea of a “cruise for one’s beauteous vacation” vs. a “staycation” provides a fun twist on the typical notion of escape and relaxation, suggesting perhaps that the best moments don’t always need to be grand or far-flung.

There's also a playful tone in lines like “A trophy does imagine the graces / Of a most prosperous and extravagant future,” which brings a bit of irony into the mix. The imagery of the "trophy" seems to comment on superficial ideals of success and beauty, alluding to the way society often glamorizes wealth and outward appearances.

The later stanzas introduce an encouraging, almost uplifting tone, urging the reader to embrace youthful joy, make amends, and enjoy life in a balanced, healthy way ("Have some sober, delicate, decent fun"). This shift to a more positive outlook gives the poem depth, moving from cynicism to hope.

Overall, it has a surreal, almost satirical quality, weaving between different thoughts and ideas about materialism, love, and the pursuit of happiness. It’s an intriguing poem with a lot of potential for deeper interpretation, though its abstract nature might make it a bit challenging for some readers to fully grasp on the first read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790748

Review of Chair Rocking Kitty

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This little poem paints a peaceful and playful picture of a cat enjoying its time. The rhythm flows well and captures the carefree nature of a cat lounging in a chair. The lines “Being a furry mess without a care” and “All they ask, is you let them unwind” convey the lazy, content attitude of a cat perfectly. I like how the cat's wishes for a “beautiful Spring day” give the poem a light, optimistic touch, as if the cat is subtly sharing its vibe with the reader.

However, there’s a small opportunity to tighten up some wording for smoother flow. For example, “not paying no mind” could be revised to “not paying any mind” to avoid a double negative. Also, “With that said, they turn away” feels like a bit of a jump in the narrative—it could be more natural if it tied in a bit more seamlessly with the cat’s actions or state of mind.

Overall, the poem has a charming, whimsical tone and effectively captures the essence of a cat’s relaxed demeanor. A few minor tweaks could make it even smoother, but it’s a fun and lighthearted piece!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

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#4790747

Review of Seeds of Change

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Seeds of Change

In a world of quiet beauty,
designed by loving hands,
the faerie folk and forms unknown
all populate the lands.

The majesty and magic were
quite obvious to see
brought to an end, unknowingly,
through curiosity.

As twilight changed to eventide,
a glow suffused the night
within a glade, deep in the woods,
designed to lure a sprite.

Its outward form was innocence,
temptation was its name
and the sweetness of its promise
flickered like a flame.

Bewitched, she held it in her hand.
She felt her feelings warm.
It called to her with images
designed to misinform.

It sang to her in wordless songs
of untasted pleasure.
Within her heart she held the key
to unlock the treasure.

She sat transfixed and motionless
as deep within her grew
a need for understanding of
these feelings that were new.

Temptation held her in its grasp;
she could not turn aside.
She found the seeds of change from which
she could no longer hide.

Each bore the name of jealousy,
envy, distrust, and greed
and they became a part of her
so she could spread the seed.

The changes were apparent as
soon paradise was lost.
The poison spread in minutes and
we have since borne the cost.

That far land and its denizens
are now just stories told.
We've relegated fairy tales
to no more than fool's gold.

We've lost the ancient wisdom lived
and learned in days of yore
while temptation still calls to us
to open the next door.

Within a glade, deep in the woods,
or in a quiet lab ...

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790745

Review of Women’s Sports Thwarted: Men Furthered

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem takes a controversial stance on the inclusion of transgender athletes in sports, particularly in female categories. The tone is clearly critical, voicing concerns over the physical differences between male and female athletes, even after transitioning. It highlights perceived inequalities, such as the advantage of male-to-female athletes in areas like strength and athletic ability, and the potential emotional and social consequences for female athletes. The mention of locker room issues and concerns about fairness reflects a broader societal debate on inclusion and fairness in competitive environments.

While the poem raises legitimate points that are part of ongoing discussions, its tone comes off as divisive and could alienate some readers. The language choices, like "manic defiance" and "dangerous crunch," evoke a sense of fear and discomfort around the subject, making it feel more like an attack on transgender athletes rather than a balanced reflection on the issue. It’s clear that the poem seeks to draw attention to the perceived problems in the current system, but a more nuanced approach might appeal to a broader audience and encourage thoughtful dialogue instead of deepening division.

On a technical note, the poem follows a strong rhythm and rhyme scheme, with each stanza feeling like a progression of thoughts leading to the final impactful lines. However, some lines could benefit from clearer phrasing to make the message easier to digest. For instance, the metaphor of “rip city” might be too obscure for some readers. Overall, the piece effectively conveys the frustration surrounding the topic but may benefit from a more empathetic approach to the complex issue it addresses.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790744

Review of The Jester Created

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem has a deeply emotional and thoughtful premise, mixing friendship, illness, and a mystical twist. The bond between Cameron and Joshua is genuine and heartfelt, and the way their relationship evolves as their health conditions change adds a layer of poignancy. The introduction of a supernatural element, with Joshua being sent to guide Cameron, adds an unexpected depth to the story.

The rhyming scheme is consistent throughout, which gives it a lyrical flow. It reads like a ballad, with the rhythm pushing the story forward, making it easy to follow. The verses that describe the playful, carefree nature of their friendship — like the card tricks and jokes — are especially warm, creating a strong contrast with the eventual darker, more serious revelation about Cameron's father’s deal with the devil. This balance between light-hearted moments and heavy themes of fate and destiny is done well.

The dialogue between the two friends in the later part of the poem is where things get particularly interesting. Joshua's mysterious words are cryptic and thought-provoking, adding an eerie sense of inevitability to the story. His role as a guide, a kind of guardian angel, is both tragic and redemptive. The twist about Cameron’s father making a deal with the devil gives the narrative an unexpected, almost mythological layer.

One area that could be explored further is the emotional impact of the ending. The shift from Josh’s death to Cameron’s future as “The Jester” feels a bit rushed. Given the weight of their friendship and the mysterious fate of Josh, a little more time spent on Cameron’s reflections or feelings before the conclusion would heighten the emotional depth.

Overall, it’s a beautifully written and imaginative piece with strong themes of friendship, sacrifice, and destiny. It invites readers to reflect on the meaning of life, the ties that bind us, and the mysterious forces at play in the background.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790435

Review of The Inch

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem captures a deep and selfless emotion, where the speaker reveals their willingness to endure hardship and suffering for someone else's benefit. The repetitive line, "Yes, I'd suffer for an inch," is a powerful refrain, emphasizing both the speaker's determination and the significance of even the smallest effort in making a difference.

The use of short, sharp phrases like "Sweat, toil and fight" effectively conveys the speaker's resolve, while the rhyme scheme provides a rhythm that mirrors the steady, relentless nature of their commitment. The imagery of moving a scar is particularly striking—symbolic of carrying pain or responsibility, potentially to heal or protect another.

However, the poem could benefit from slight elaboration to clarify the relationship between the speaker and the person they wish to protect. Adding just a hint of context or a specific detail about "his life" could heighten the emotional impact and make the sacrifice more relatable to readers.

The closing couplet is poignant, but it might be even stronger if the word choice were slightly more vivid or personal. For instance, instead of "so his life may be spared," consider language that conveys more urgency or connection, such as "so his future might remain."

Overall, this is a compelling and heartfelt piece that touches on themes of sacrifice and love, leaving the reader with a sense of the speaker's profound dedication.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790434

Review of Breakfast at Tiffany's

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is well-rounded and covers multiple aspects of Breakfast at Tiffany's, from the plot to its connection with Audrey Hepburn's other works and even a fun dive into Tiffany & Co.'s iconic branding. Here’s an analysis:

Strengths:
Detailed Synopsis: The plot summary of Breakfast at Tiffany's is concise yet thorough. It effectively captures the main themes, characters, and conflicts. The emotional journey of Holly and Paul is clear, making it accessible even to someone who hasn’t seen the movie.

Personal Touch: Sharing the experience of watching the movie on YouTube with half the screen cut off adds humor and relatability. It creates a connection with readers, especially those who’ve had similar struggles finding films online.

Audrey Hepburn Film List: Including a list of other Hepburn films provides added value to readers who might be fans of her work. The diversity in genres (from romantic comedies to thrillers like Wait Until Dark) showcases her versatility.

Tiffany Infinity Bracelet: The choice is specific and personal, tying back to the movie's iconic link to Tiffany & Co. Mentioning the infinity symbol's spiritual meaning adds depth and personality.

Blue Box History: Including a brief history of Tiffany’s signature Blue Box is a delightful touch. It ties in with the theme of the movie and showcases some thoughtful research.

Areas for Improvement:
Product Review Formatting: The "Angel Product Reviews" section is a bit disconnected. If this is meant to mimic a real product review, expanding on the film's cinematic quality (acting, direction, visuals) would make it stronger.

Tone Consistency: While casual and conversational for the most part, some sections (like the bracelet description) feel more formal. Balancing the tone across the review would enhance the flow.

Blue Box History Depth: While the history snippet is interesting, elaborating a bit more (e.g., Tiffany Blue's Pantone significance or its global recognition) could enrich this section.

Grammar and Phrasing: Minor edits like clarifying that Paul is nicknamed "Fred" and smoothing transitions between sections could tighten up the narrative.

Overall Thoughts:
This review is engaging, informative, and personal. It captures the essence of Breakfast at Tiffany's and its cultural ties to Tiffany & Co. The addition of Hepburn's filmography and the bracelet choice adds variety. With some polishing, this could stand as a charming multi-topic article.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

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#4790433

Review of Finding Myself By The Sea

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

"Finding Myself By The Sea" is a beautifully reflective poem that captures the intimate connection between the speaker and the sea. The poet weaves a sense of longing, healing, and self-discovery, using vivid imagery and a rhythm that mirrors the ebb and flow of the ocean waves.

The poem starts with a serene moment on a sandy shore, inviting the reader into the speaker's contemplative journey. The tone is introspective, and the straightforward language makes the emotions accessible. Lines like "My troubles fall away, / Like leaves from a tree" effectively convey the catharsis the speaker experiences in the presence of the sea.

The sea is presented not just as a setting but as a source of strength and renewal. The repetition of themes like finding oneself and the sea’s therapeutic power builds a strong emotional core. The poet’s use of e.e. cummings' quote integrates seamlessly, reinforcing the poem’s message while adding depth to the speaker's sentiments.

However, some stanzas could benefit from tighter phrasing to enhance their impact. For example, "The soothing sun and / Wind caress my face" is evocative, but its simplicity could be elevated with more sensory detail. Additionally, the rhyme scheme is consistent but sometimes feels slightly forced, as in "The sea always meant, / The whole world to me." Experimenting with varied structures might make the poem even more dynamic.

Overall, "Finding Myself By The Sea" is heartfelt and relatable, with its central idea resonating strongly. The poet skillfully uses the natural world to explore profound emotions, making this piece a soothing and reflective read.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790432

Review of Finding Myself By The Sea

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

"Finding Myself By The Sea" is a beautifully reflective poem that captures the intimate connection between the speaker and the sea. The poet weaves a sense of longing, healing, and self-discovery, using vivid imagery and a rhythm that mirrors the ebb and flow of the ocean waves.

The poem starts with a serene moment on a sandy shore, inviting the reader into the speaker's contemplative journey. The tone is introspective, and the straightforward language makes the emotions accessible. Lines like "My troubles fall away, / Like leaves from a tree" effectively convey the catharsis the speaker experiences in the presence of the sea.

The sea is presented not just as a setting but as a source of strength and renewal. The repetition of themes like finding oneself and the sea’s therapeutic power builds a strong emotional core. The poet’s use of e.e. cummings' quote integrates seamlessly, reinforcing the poem’s message while adding depth to the speaker's sentiments.

However, some stanzas could benefit from tighter phrasing to enhance their impact. For example, "The soothing sun and / Wind caress my face" is evocative, but its simplicity could be elevated with more sensory detail. Additionally, the rhyme scheme is consistent but sometimes feels slightly forced, as in "The sea always meant, / The whole world to me." Experimenting with varied structures might make the poem even more dynamic.

Overall, "Finding Myself By The Sea" is heartfelt and relatable, with its central idea resonating strongly. The poet skillfully uses the natural world to explore profound emotions, making this piece a soothing and reflective read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790240

Review of Poem 6.

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This piece has a warm, emotional vibe to it, and I really like the progression of the relationship between the two characters. It starts with the idea of strangers and gradually builds into something much deeper, from friendship to family. That transformation is very touching. The use of "Asteri" as a metaphor is beautiful—symbolizing a connection that feels destined or special.

The imagery in the second stanza, with the night spent under the stars and the fire, really sets a serene and intimate scene. It makes me feel like I’m there, experiencing that moment alongside them. The lines “a daughter you view me / and a mother I accept you” are simple but powerful. There’s a strong sense of unconditional love and acceptance between the two.

I think the poem could benefit from a little more clarity and structure in places. For example, “the sky rolled along” feels a bit vague, and some of the phrasing is a bit hard to follow. It could help to refine the flow of ideas to make sure each transition is smooth. The idea of “replacing the years we've missed” is wonderful, but maybe a few more specific details could make it feel even more personal and real.

Overall, this piece has a lot of heart. It’s emotionally resonant, and you can really feel the bond between the two characters. With a bit more polish and a clearer structure, it could become even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790239

Review of Buffy Wilson WC:270

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This piece has a humorous and relatable tone, capturing the frustration of a man who finds himself reluctantly agreeing to something without fully understanding what he's getting into. The premise of a car enthusiast being roped into a photoshoot is both funny and unexpected, making for an amusing story.

The narrator's internal thoughts add a layer of authenticity to the piece, showing his desire to avoid social interaction but ultimately being pulled into a situation he doesn't quite understand. His realization at the end—"It pays to listen, folks. Pays to listen."—provides a nice twist that wraps up the story in a self-deprecating, yet insightful way.

One thing to consider for improvement is the pacing. The first half of the story could benefit from a bit more detail to set the scene, particularly regarding the husband's frustration. His reactions feel a little rushed, which could make the twist at the end hit harder if the buildup was slightly more gradual.

Overall, it’s an entertaining read with a nice blend of humor and life lessons. It plays on the idea that sometimes, things don’t go as expected, but you might end up having a memorable experience in the end—even if it’s not what you envisioned.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790238

Review of Silent Wisdom

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

"Silent Wisdom" is a beautifully contemplative poem that reflects on themes of history, memory, and the quiet power of wisdom passed through time. The poem uses the image of a statue, seemingly static and forgotten, as a metaphor for the wisdom that often goes unnoticed in our busy lives. The narrator’s interaction with the figure—feeling a pull, being drawn to it, and eventually understanding its silent message—creates an intimate connection between the past and the present.

The first stanza sets the tone with the observation that statues and plaques are part of history, yet we often fail to notice them. This idea immediately establishes a sense of missed opportunity or neglect, which is turned around in the later stanzas when the narrator discovers the deeper meaning embedded in the statue’s presence. The subtle realization that statues hold more than just decorative value resonates with anyone who has overlooked the past or taken things for granted.

The imagery of the figure in the burnished coat, absorbed in a forgotten quote, is evocative and thoughtful. The use of the eyes and their ability to "see beyond the silent rusted page" adds depth to the idea that wisdom transcends time. The narrator’s curiosity about why they are drawn to this figure is a relatable experience, as many of us have moments of inexplicable fascination that lead to profound realizations.

As the poem progresses, the connection between the narrator and the statue becomes more personal. The line, “Patience is its own reward,” which is revealed through the outstretched hand, feels like a gentle yet powerful reminder to be present and to trust the process of life. This philosophical message is timeless and resonates universally.

The closing stanzas are beautifully reflective, highlighting the idea that what truly matters in life isn’t fame or recognition, but the truths we share and the lasting impact we have on others. The line, "if my words aren’t just chatter, those I’ve touched will continue to care," encapsulates a sense of legacy and the quiet hope that our lives will have meaning beyond our immediate circumstances.

Overall, "Silent Wisdom" is a thoughtful and introspective piece that blends imagery and philosophy in a way that encourages the reader to pause and reflect on the deeper messages in life. The poem's rhythm and flow enhance the meditative mood, and its ending leaves a lasting impression on the reader about the power of patience and legacy.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790190

Review of The Dream Machine

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Review of "The Dream Machine"

"The Dream Machine" is an intriguing short story that weaves elements of nostalgia, regret, and the mysterious nature of dreams. It captures the struggles of Chancy, an aging protagonist burdened by physical pain, poor decisions, and an unsettled conscience. The narrative cleverly uses a seemingly mundane object—a sleep machine—as a device to explore themes of redemption and altered reality.

Strengths
Character Development: Chancy is vividly portrayed. His cranky demeanor, coupled with flashes of vulnerability, makes him relatable. The regret over past decisions, such as the misplaced lily pond or the purchase of the troll, resonates universally. Similarly, Millie’s patience and quiet resilience add warmth to the story.

Atmosphere and Setting: The descriptions of Chancy’s garden and the scenes on the back porch are vibrant and immersive. The garden serves as a metaphor for Chancy’s inner turmoil and eventual peace.

The Sleep Machine as a Plot Device: The dream machine is a creative touch. Its seemingly magical ability to alter Chancy’s reality lends an intriguing, almost surreal dimension to the story. The gradual changes in Chancy’s life through his dreams build suspense effectively.

Themes: The story explores poignant themes—regret, redemption, and the power of the subconscious. The twist ending, where Chancy’s life may have been rewritten entirely through his dreams, is thought-provoking and bittersweet.

Areas for Improvement
Pacing: While the story’s reflective tone suits the theme, certain sections (e.g., the backstory about the car accident) feel overly detailed. Condensing these parts could improve the flow without losing emotional depth.

Ending Ambiguity: The conclusion, while intriguing, might confuse readers. Did Chancy rewrite his life entirely, or was his existence erased because of the dream’s final outcome? Clarifying or leaving deliberate hints could make the ending more impactful.

Dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels overly formal or forced, especially between Chancy and Millie. A more natural conversational tone could enhance their relationship's authenticity.

Millie’s Perspective: The story briefly shifts to Millie’s point of view at the end, which feels abrupt. Expanding her perspective throughout or keeping the focus solely on Chancy might create a more cohesive narrative.

Overall Impression
"The Dream Machine" is a heartfelt story with an engaging premise and relatable characters. It leaves readers pondering the weight of choices, the power of dreams, and the possibility of rewriting life's regrets. With minor adjustments to pacing and tone, it has the potential to be a standout piece.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4790189

Review of The Moment

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Your story, The Moment, is a fun and thought-provoking piece with a touch of humor and a sly subversion of expectations. Here’s a review that highlights its strengths and provides some suggestions for improvement:

Strengths:
Strong Character Dynamics:
The interplay between Ted, Jeannie, and Frank feels natural and relatable. The small, seemingly mundane interactions hint at deeper emotions and dynamics, especially Frank's unspoken feelings for Jeannie and Ted's internal moral debate.

Engaging Narrative Voice:
The narrator’s voice adds a unique charm to the story, especially with the twist at the end. The playful tone is refreshing, keeping the reader engaged and slightly off-guard.

Thematic Depth:
The piece subtly explores morality and decision-making, framed by Ted’s internal conflict. The personification of spirits awaiting his choice adds an almost mythic layer to a seemingly trivial situation.

Subversion of Expectations:
The ending is clever and unexpected. Instead of a grand resolution, Ted’s decision is hilariously anticlimactic, which aligns well with the narrator’s cheeky tone.

Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarify the Spirits' Role:
The spirits’ presence is an intriguing addition, but their significance feels underdeveloped. Are they literal, symbolic, or part of Ted’s imagination? A little more context or subtle hints could enhance their impact without over-explaining.

Strengthen the Climax:
Ted’s ultimate decision, while humorous, might feel a bit underwhelming to some readers. Consider building up his internal struggle more vividly, so the punchline hits harder.

Smooth Out Dialogue Tags:
Some dialogue exchanges feel slightly abrupt. For instance:

“Yeah,” he said, he didn’t know Frank well.
This could be rephrased for better flow:
“Yeah,” he said, uncertainly. Ted didn’t know Frank well.
Expand Emotional Layers:
Frank’s feelings for Jeannie are hinted at but could be deepened. A brief moment where Frank’s emotions are described—through body language or subtle dialogue—would add more texture to his character.

Tighten the Ending:
While the ending’s tone works, the transition from Ted’s serious inner conflict to the punchline feels a bit rushed. A sentence or two to bridge the gap between his decision and the lighthearted reveal could make the conclusion smoother.

Overall Impression:
The Moment is a short, clever story with layers of humor and moral introspection. It balances its lighthearted tone with deeper themes effectively, though there’s room to enhance the emotional and narrative depth. The twist ending works well and leaves a smile on the reader’s face, but a bit more buildup could make it even stronger.

With some polishing, this story could shine even brighter!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4789859

Review of Description!

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem captures the tranquil essence of a meditative moment immersed in nature. While it has a heartfelt tone and vivid imagery, there are several areas where the structure, flow, and language could be refined for clarity and impact. Here's a review:

Strengths:
Imagery and Nature: The poem creates a serene picture of a peaceful lakeside scene, complete with birds, trees, and butterflies. This setting is well-suited for conveying the meditative theme.
Focus on Meditation: The poem ties natural elements to the act of meditation, emphasizing the calming and immersive effects of connecting with the environment.
Emotional Depth: Lines like "My inner state of mind opened to imagine heavenly" convey a strong emotional connection to nature and mindfulness.
Areas for Improvement:
Language and Grammar: There are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupt the poem’s flow. For example:
"Two side of mine in was different type of trees" could be rewritten as "On either side, stood different kinds of trees."
"To get ride of fruit and flower" seems unclear and might need rephrasing to better convey its meaning.
Rhythm and Flow: The poem lacks a consistent meter or rhyme scheme, which can make it feel uneven. Consider revising lines to create smoother transitions and more cohesive pacing.
Repetition: Lines like "I heavenly gone with Strange" and "I heavenly gone!" are repetitive without adding much depth. Reworking these lines could make the conclusion more powerful.
Word Choice: Phrases like "craying with pleasure-smell the air was coming swiftly" are difficult to understand. Simplifying and clarifying such expressions will enhance readability.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Strengthen Descriptions: Use more precise and evocative language to describe the setting and its impact on the narrator’s state of mind. For example, instead of "decent birds," describe their colors, movements, or sounds.
Simplify and Polish: Revise sentences for grammatical correctness and smoother phrasing. For instance, "Swimming the fishes for own aspect and gain" might become "Fish swam gracefully, seeking their purpose."
Consistent Theme: Ensure every line ties back to the theme of meditation to maintain focus and depth.
Feedback on the Description Section:
The analysis of the poem's meaning is thoughtful but overly verbose and grammatically inconsistent. Simplify the explanation while maintaining its essence. For example:

Instead of "In this poem have described about a moment of meditation," write, "This poem describes a moment of meditation surrounded by nature."
Final Thought:
The poem has potential as an ode to mindfulness and the beauty of nature. With careful editing, it can become a more polished and impactful piece that fully captures the serenity and transcendence of meditation. Keep refining your imagery and focusing on clarity to let the message truly shine.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

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#4789858

Review of Old Soldiers

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem is a heartfelt tribute to the sacrifices and courage of soldiers who have served their country. It blends themes of patriotism, faith, and gratitude, creating a reflective and emotional tone.

Strengths:
Emotional Depth: The poem conveys deep respect for soldiers and their sacrifices, which resonates strongly with readers. Lines like "Their lives they gave, Their country to save!" are powerful reminders of the ultimate price paid for freedom.
Religious Integration: By linking the soldiers' sacrifice to Christ's love, the poem ties a spiritual dimension to their bravery, which may comfort and inspire readers of faith.
Consistent Message: The recurring themes of gratitude, honor, and reliance on God tie the poem together cohesively.
Call to Action: Encouraging readers to give thanks and pray adds an engaging and participatory element.
Areas for Improvement:
Rhythmic Consistency: The meter varies across stanzas, which can disrupt the poem’s flow. For example, the first stanza has a steady rhythm, but others feel less structured.
Word Choice: While effective, some phrases, like "Turn them to God and His Resources," could be made more vivid or poetic to enhance their impact.
Imagery: The poem could use more concrete imagery to evoke stronger visual and emotional connections. For example, describing a soldier's battlefield experience in detail could make the tribute more vivid.
Repetition: The phrase "Old Soldiers" is repeated effectively, but other parts of the poem might benefit from varied expressions to avoid redundancy.
Suggestions:
Add more sensory details to bring the soldiers’ experiences to life, such as describing the battlefield or their moments of courage.
Refine the rhythm to create a smoother reading experience, possibly by adjusting line lengths or syllable counts.
Experiment with metaphors or similes to enrich the descriptions of valor and sacrifice.
Overall, this poem captures a noble sentiment and offers a poignant reminder of the debt we owe to those who serve. With some fine-tuning, it could become an even more moving tribute.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4789857

Review of Old Soldiers

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem is a heartfelt tribute to the sacrifices and courage of soldiers who have served their country. It blends themes of patriotism, faith, and gratitude, creating a reflective and emotional tone.

Strengths:
Emotional Depth: The poem conveys deep respect for soldiers and their sacrifices, which resonates strongly with readers. Lines like "Their lives they gave, Their country to save!" are powerful reminders of the ultimate price paid for freedom.
Religious Integration: By linking the soldiers' sacrifice to Christ's love, the poem ties a spiritual dimension to their bravery, which may comfort and inspire readers of faith.
Consistent Message: The recurring themes of gratitude, honor, and reliance on God tie the poem together cohesively.
Call to Action: Encouraging readers to give thanks and pray adds an engaging and participatory element.
Areas for Improvement:
Rhythmic Consistency: The meter varies across stanzas, which can disrupt the poem’s flow. For example, the first stanza has a steady rhythm, but others feel less structured.
Word Choice: While effective, some phrases, like "Turn them to God and His Resources," could be made more vivid or poetic to enhance their impact.
Imagery: The poem could use more concrete imagery to evoke stronger visual and emotional connections. For example, describing a soldier's battlefield experience in detail could make the tribute more vivid.
Repetition: The phrase "Old Soldiers" is repeated effectively, but other parts of the poem might benefit from varied expressions to avoid redundancy.
Suggestions:
Add more sensory details to bring the soldiers’ experiences to life, such as describing the battlefield or their moments of courage.
Refine the rhythm to create a smoother reading experience, possibly by adjusting line lengths or syllable counts.
Experiment with metaphors or similes to enrich the descriptions of valor and sacrifice.
Overall, this poem captures a noble sentiment and offers a poignant reminder of the debt we owe to those who serve. With some fine-tuning, it could become an even more moving tribute.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4789856

Review of The total!

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem reflects a deep and evocative journey of struggle, hope, and revolution, but it has room for improvement in terms of clarity, structure, and coherence. Here's an analysis of its key aspects:

Strengths:
Theme and Depth: The poem effectively conveys the challenges faced by revolutionary souls. It uses imagery like the "candle without a lighter" and the "dangerous animal sounds" to symbolize struggles and warnings on the path to change.
Message of Perseverance: The repetition of "more revolution" and "find their way" serves as a rallying cry for determination and resilience, which aligns well with the revolutionary spirit.
Symbolism: The juxtaposition of light and darkness, fortune and misfortune, and natural obstacles (mountains, rivers, jungles) with internal struggles adds layers to the poem.
Areas for Improvement:
Language and Grammar: The grammar is inconsistent, with incorrect verb forms ("is" instead of "are," "has" instead of "there is/are"). These errors disrupt the flow and make the poem harder to follow.
For example: "A candle is nothing without lighter it is so sadness" could be rephrased as "A candle is nothing without a lighter; it embodies sadness."
Clarity of Imagery: While the imagery is rich, some lines feel confusing or overly abstract. For instance, "In the sky has a moon which is unobvious due to clouds" could be clearer as "The moon in the sky is hidden by clouds."
Flow and Structure: The poem’s flow is uneven, with some lines seeming out of sequence. For example, the line about "ridden more mountains and rivers" feels like it should start the poem, setting the stage for the challenges ahead.
Word Choice: Phrases like "dangerous-animal's awful-sounds" and "deeper night" could benefit from more polished diction for better impact. "Awful sounds of dangerous animals" is more natural.
Description Section: The explanation is insightful but overly lengthy and repetitive. Condensing it while keeping the core ideas would make it more engaging.
Suggestions:
Reorder Lines: Begin with "They have been ridden more mountains and rivers, now getting rest," to establish context before introducing the dangers and struggles.
Focus on Symbolism: Emphasize the candle-lighter metaphor as the central theme, weaving it more tightly with the other symbols (moon, darkness, jungle).
Grammar Check: Edit for grammatical accuracy while retaining the poetic tone.
Condense the Explanation: Provide a succinct description highlighting the key themes and symbols without overexplaining.
Polish the Ending: The encouragement at the end is powerful but could be more concise and impactful, e.g., "They must rise, find their way, and claim their destiny."
Revised Sample (First Few Lines):
They have crossed mountains, waded rivers, seeking rest,
In the jungle's heart, where shadows nest.
The candle flickers, its light yet unmade,
For a lighter's spark must dispel the shade.
Darkness deepens, and whispers grow loud,
Dangerous beasts stir beneath the cloud.

This revision maintains the spirit of the original while improving flow, clarity, and readability.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

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#4789394

Review of Lilac Rose

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This story has a charming and whimsical quality, capturing the essence of a fairy tale with its imaginative setting and heartfelt journey. Here’s a breakdown of what works well and what could be refined to make the story even more captivating:

Strengths:
Imaginative World-Building: The descriptions of the Enchanted Forest, the rainbow-colored waterfall, and the magical unicorns are vivid and enchanting. They create a clear picture of a fantastical world that draws readers in.
Heartwarming Transformation: The story of Lilac Rose finding happiness after enduring hardship resonates emotionally. Her journey from abandonment to becoming Queen of the Fairies is satisfying and uplifting.
Fairy Tale Elements: The inclusion of fairies, unicorns, and a magical setting adheres to classic fairy tale tropes, making the story feel timeless and familiar.
Areas for Improvement:
Character Depth: While Lilac Rose is likable, her internal thoughts and emotions could be explored more deeply to make her journey more relatable. For example, showing how she copes emotionally after being abandoned would add layers to her character.
Dialogue Style: Daisy and Sparkle's dialogue feels slightly formal and could be more conversational to enhance the characters’ personalities. For instance, Sparkle might express curiosity or warmth in a less scripted way.
Pacing: The story moves quickly, especially in the transition from hardship to happiness. Slowing down the narrative to explore moments like her first night in the forest or her initial encounter with Daisy could enrich the storytelling.
Conflict: While the story has a resolution, it lacks a central conflict or challenge for Lilac Rose to overcome in the magical world. Adding a subtle obstacle (e.g., earning the trust of the "Special Ones" or learning to use her wings) could make her journey more engaging.
Narrative Voice: The tone is consistent with a fairy tale, but varying sentence structure and adding sensory details (e.g., how the forest smelled or the sound of the fairies’ wings) would immerse readers even further.
Suggestions for Enhancement:
Expand on Lilac Rose’s initial days in the forest to build suspense and highlight her resilience.
Show more interactions between Lilac Rose and Daisy to deepen their bond before meeting the unicorns.
Introduce a minor challenge Lilac Rose must face to earn her role as Queen of the Fairies, which would make her reward feel even more meaningful.
Add sensory details to make the world more immersive, such as the taste of the berries or the texture of Sparkle’s mane.
Overall Impression:
This is a delightful and whimsical story that captures the magic of fairy tales. With a bit more depth in character development, pacing, and conflict, it has the potential to be even more impactful and memorable.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4789392

Review of The Look of Love In Her Eyes

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem captures a tender moment of love and connection between a person and their beloved companion, likely a pet, though it initially reads like it might describe a child. The repeated use of “The Look of Love In Her Eyes” emphasizes the emotional bond and the deep affection shared in the interaction.

Strengths:
Emotional Resonance: The poem exudes warmth and love, portraying a heartfelt scene that many can relate to, whether with a child or a pet.
Imagery: The descriptions, such as the "small soft body," the "half-slit gaze," and the "flannel covered arms," evoke vivid and tender images.
Repetition: The recurring line, “The Look of Love In Her Eyes,” ties the stanzas together and reinforces the theme of affection.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity: While the poem builds a sense of mystery regarding who or what is being described, it might benefit from an earlier hint that the subject is a pet. The ambiguity may distract some readers.
Rhythm and Flow: The poem’s rhythm could be smoothed out in some places by balancing line lengths. For instance, the phrase “with pleading eyes asking” might flow better as “with pleading eyes, she asks.”
Diction: Repetition is a strength here, but the constant reuse of “The Look of Love In Her Eyes” risks feeling redundant. Rephrasing this in one or two stanzas (e.g., “love shining in her gaze”) could add variety while maintaining the theme.
Overall Impression:
The poem is touching and relatable, capturing the quiet beauty of a shared moment of love. It has a strong emotional core, but slight tweaks to pacing and word choice could make it even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4789390

Review of She came to me in a dream

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem captures a simple yet profound sentiment, blending the mysterious allure of dreams with the serendipity of real-life connections. The progression from dream to reality feels magical, as though destiny played a hand in bringing the two together.

The opening line, "She first came to me / In a dream," sets a tone of intrigue, drawing the reader into the speaker's internal world. The repetition of her presence in dreams over "eight long years" emphasizes the lasting impression she left, making her eventual real-world appearance feel inevitable and significant.

When the shift happens—"Then one day / She walked off a bus"—it’s both sudden and understated, reflecting how extraordinary moments often emerge from everyday settings. The simplicity of "Into my life / Becoming my wife" beautifully captures the culmination of their connection without overcomplicating the emotions.

If there's room for improvement, perhaps the poem could delve a bit deeper into the emotional impact of her presence, both in dreams and reality. Adding sensory details or expanding on the feelings during the transition from dream to real life might enrich the experience for the reader.

Overall, this piece is heartfelt and evocative in its simplicity, leaving room for the reader to imagine their own version of such a fateful meeting.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4789184

Review of Indebted

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem speaks to the deep sense of gratitude and indebtedness a child feels toward their parents. The simple, heartfelt tone makes it feel personal and emotional. The first stanza sets up a lifelong debt that the speaker feels they cannot repay, no matter what, which is a common feeling many people can relate to when thinking of their parents' sacrifices. The metaphor of carrying a debt that can't be paid adds depth to the speaker's emotional struggle.

The poem progresses by detailing the sacrifices and love from the speaker’s parents. The second stanza illustrates the parents' dedication from the moment of birth, using imagery of a proud, protective upbringing. The third stanza further emphasizes the support and wisdom imparted during the speaker's childhood, showcasing the parents' efforts to shape them into the person they are.

In the fourth stanza, the speaker acknowledges that there is no way to fully repay the love and sacrifices their parents have made, which creates a sense of regret, as time is running out. The conclusion, however, brings a resolution, with the speaker finding a way to start expressing their gratitude — simply by saying “thank you.” It’s a bittersweet ending, where the act of giving thanks is seen as a starting point, but not a complete resolution to the debt.

Overall, the poem is a tender, touching reflection on parental love and the struggle of feeling indebted. It captures the complexity of gratitude in a way that feels both personal and universal. The language is simple yet effective in evoking emotion, making this a meaningful piece that many readers could connect with.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4789182

Review of If You Go Away

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a beautiful, nostalgic piece that blends personal memory with the emotions tied to a song. The way you tell the story of your brother Nelson and his first crush, set against the backdrop of "If You Go Away," is heartfelt. The song itself holds such meaning in the narrative, not just as a popular hit, but as a symbol of connection, love, and promise.

The way the song becomes a bridge between two young hearts—Nelson and his school crush—is charming. I like how the song’s lyrics are woven into the family’s evening routine, making it a sort of bond for everyone, even extending to Nelson's future as he grows up and keeps the friendship alive with his first love.

There's also a great sense of familial warmth here, with the relationships between you, Nelson, your sisters, and your father highlighted throughout. The dinner scene, with everyone coming together after Nelson’s performance, feels like the perfect mix of joy, innocence, and the bittersweetness of growing up.

The way you end the piece with a tribute to that enduring friendship, even after time and distance, is lovely. It brings the whole narrative full circle, showing how a simple song can echo through the years and impact people in ways they never expect.

The lyrics of "If You Go Away" fit perfectly with the story, adding emotional depth. It's clear this song and this moment meant a lot to you and your family. It’s touching to read how something as simple as a song can capture the essence of both fleeting youth and lasting memories.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .