\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rick12221
Review Requests: ON
1,048 Public Reviews Given
1,068 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is a playful and clever tribute to Robert Burns’ famous line about wishing for the ability to see ourselves as others see us. The writer engages deeply with Burns’ style, even adopting a sort of old Scots-English tone that adds a fun, authentic flavor. It feels like a mix of admiration and gentle teasing, exploring the quirks of Burns’ meter and syllable count with a lighthearted spirit.

What I like most is how the poem balances respect for Burns with humor and curiosity. The poet isn’t just praising blindly; they’re poking around the rhythm and structure, wondering why some lines seem to have extra syllables and how that fits the traditional flow. It’s like a writer’s inside joke about poetic form, which makes it engaging and original.

The language is rich and somewhat archaic, which fits the theme but can be a little challenging to follow if you’re not used to that style. Still, it doesn’t feel forced — it seems intentionally crafted to echo Burns, which shows thoughtfulness. Some phrases, like “how self-absorbed and troubled be us,” carry a punchy honesty that adds to the poem’s charm.

One suggestion might be to smooth out a couple of spots where the rhythm feels a little uneven or where the archaic style slows the reader too much. Making sure the poem flows naturally while keeping that old-timey feel will help it connect even better.

Overall, it’s a well-done, witty homage that shows real appreciation and curiosity about poetry’s craft. The poet’s voice shines through clearly, and the mix of respect and playful critique makes it enjoyable to read. It’s a good example of how you can honor a classic while still bringing your own personality and questions into the mix.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing something so personal and heartfelt. This song clearly means a lot to you—not just for its beautiful melody and lyrics, but because it’s tied to your memories of your Papa Mauro. You can feel the love, the longing, and the quiet strength in your words, and in the song itself.

“Matam-is Kanunay Ang Magpaubos” – “It Is Always Sweet To Be Humble” – is a powerful line to center a song around. It’s not just a reminder of humility, but also of grace in pain. The lyrics speak of silent suffering, love that endures even when it hurts, and choosing to be patient in the face of heartbreak or rejection. That’s not weakness—it’s a different kind of strength. A gentle, steady kind.

The song paints a picture of someone who loves deeply and keeps that love quiet, even when wounded. There’s something so Filipino about that kind of emotion—subtle but full, sorrowful but hopeful. It’s easy to see why this song stayed with you. That line, “Anaa sa kamot mo ang akong pagmahal” (“My love is in your hands”) is especially tender and vulnerable. It's the kind of line that stays with you long after the music fades.

Knowing that your Papa used to sing this, strumming the guitar while you listened or maybe sang with him, adds a deeper meaning. That connection—the music, the message, and the memory—is something precious. It’s amazing how a song can carry someone’s voice long after they’re gone. You don’t just remember the tune—you remember how it felt being in that moment with him.

You honoring him this way—remembering him through a song that mattered to both of you—is one of the most loving tributes anyone can give. And that line “I miss our singing time together…”? That hit deep. Those memories of simple moments—just voices and strings—are the kind that stay gold forever.

Thank you for opening up this part of your heart. Your Papa Mauro sounds like a beautiful soul, and the music you shared together still lives on.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem captures the heart of the Pentecost story with warmth, excitement, and devotion. It reads like a hymn, full of praise and awe for what happened when the Holy Spirit came down upon the disciples. The poet does a great job of echoing the wonder and movement found in Acts 2—especially that opening line: “Oh, to hear the sound from heaven!” It instantly pulls the reader into a moment of holy power, setting the tone for what follows.

Each stanza reflects a core part of the event, moving us through the wind, the fire, the miraculous speaking in tongues, and the amazement that spread through the crowd. There's a nice rhythm to the piece, and the rhyming couplets keep it flowing smoothly. It's simple, but not shallow. The message comes across clearly: God moved, and lives were changed.

One of the strengths here is how the poem bridges scripture with personal encouragement. It shifts from a historical moment to an invitation: “Open up your heart and let Jesus show you the way!” That transition gives the piece not just a narrative but a purpose—it’s not just about what was, but about what is and what can be.

There are a few areas where tightening could help. For example, “poor out his Spirit” should be “pour out his Spirit.” And some lines are a little crowded with syllables, making the rhythm feel uneven when read aloud. But those are minor bumps in a poem that is otherwise strong in its passion and clarity.

Overall, this is a heartfelt, joyful celebration of one of Christianity’s most powerful events. It invites the reader to not only remember but to participate. That’s what makes it more than a summary—it’s a call to worship. With a few small edits, this could easily be used in church services, devotionals, or personal reflection. It's uplifting, accessible, and genuine.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of Toasted Gnocchi Bites by MaryAnn Dwyer – The Beach House Kitchen

This recipe for Toasted Gnocchi Bites is one of those rare kitchen wins that feels fancy enough for guests but easy enough to whip up on a lazy weekend. It’s the kind of appetizer that makes you wonder why you haven’t been breading and frying gnocchi your whole life. Seriously, this is a comfort food dream—crispy on the outside, soft and pillowy in the middle, with just enough seasoning to make each bite satisfying without being too heavy.

The instructions are clear, and nothing feels overly complicated. Even if you’re not an experienced home cook, the steps are broken down in a way that makes everything approachable. Cook the gnocchi, set up a quick breading station, fry, and done. The total time is under 30 minutes, and that includes prep, which makes this a great option if you're trying to get food on the table fast without sacrificing flavor.

MaryAnn’s decision to use Italian-style bread crumbs instead of panko was a smart one. It gives these bites a more savory, herbed flavor that pairs perfectly with the marinara. That said, she also leaves the door open for trying other dips, which is great if you want to play with flavor—honey mustard, Dijon, cheesy sauce, even salsa. That kind of flexibility makes the recipe feel more creative and personal.

The tips included are thoughtful, too. Like the note about not overheating the oil—that’s a simple thing that can make or break the batch, especially if you’re frying in a pan instead of using a deep fryer. The air fryer option is another plus for folks trying to lighten things up or skip the mess of oil splatter.

One little detail I loved was the gentle nod to the classic Italian-American “sauce vs. gravy” debate—MaryAnn keeps it friendly and informative by clarifying what she means by marinara. It shows that she understands her audience and wants to be helpful, not preachy.

Overall, this recipe nails it in terms of flavor, simplicity, and versatility. It’s ideal for game days, casual get-togethers, or just a treat-yourself kind of night. Whether you stick to the marinara or switch up the dip, these gnocchi bites are going to impress. Definitely a keeper.

Final verdict: 5 out of 5. Comfort food with a crispy twist—quick, easy, and totally addictive.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Friendship  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is such a warm and imaginative piece—it really shines with gentle charm and creativity. You’ve created a whimsical world full of unique characters, and the tone is light, hopeful, and very sweet. Here's my review of Rose, breaking down some of the strongest elements, and a few areas where you might smooth things out a bit.

What’s Working Well:
1. The Worldbuilding is Delightful:
The Apple Gall beings are a fresh and original concept. Details like Rose being made from ladybug essence, oak limbs, and rambutan feet give the story a natural, almost fairy-like feel. It's easy to visualize Rose and her world—especially scenes like her flying through trees with Petals or sketching her friends.

2. Rose is an Endearing Character:
She's full of heart, hope, and drive. Her excitement to learn, her willingness to practice, and her dream of being an artist are all very relatable and make her easy to root for. There's a lovely innocence about her that pulls the reader in.

3. The Message is Strong and Positive:
This story does a great job of showing perseverance, curiosity, and friendship. The theme of trying something new, even when you’re not immediately good at it, is great for young readers and even adults. The lesson feels natural and not preachy.

4. The Pacing is Gentle but Engaging:
The way the story unfolds—with her discovering art, practicing, waiting for feedback, and preparing to meet Potpourri—keeps things moving while allowing time for reflection and wonder.

What Could Be Improved:
1. The Tense Fluctuates at Times:
There’s a small inconsistency in verb tense, especially early on. For example, the line “Rose was, or should I say is…” opens in past tense, then flips. Pick either past or present and stick with it unless there’s a purposeful shift. Since most of the story is told in past tense, I’d suggest committing to that.

2. Dialogue Tags & Character Clarity:
It’s sometimes unclear who is speaking, especially with how “They” is used for characters like Petals and Potpourri. If you’re using “They” as a gender-neutral pronoun, that’s totally fine—but since there are multiple characters involved, it sometimes creates confusion. Consider occasionally reusing names to help anchor the reader.

3. A Bit More Conflict or Tension Would Help:
This story is wholesome, which is its charm—but adding just a touch more inner doubt or an emotional moment of disappointment might help make Rose’s eventual lesson even more impactful. Maybe she really believes Potpourri forgot her, or she wonders if she even has talent. Just a small moment of emotional weight could go a long way.

4. Clean Up Repetition:
There are a few places where phrases repeat or go on longer than needed. For example:

“She wanted to know if her work was as good as she thought is was…”

You could trim to:
“She wanted to know if her drawings were really any good.”
Also watch out for using similar phrases back-to-back like “She was excited… she could barely contain her excitement.”

5. Grammar & Phrasing Tweaks:
There are a few light grammar hiccups:

“To the affect of” should be “to the effect of.”

“She sometimes forgot…” instead of “she would sometimes forgot…”

“Come to a stop” should be “came to a stop.”

Nothing major, but a careful proofread would polish it all up.

Final Thoughts:
This story has a beautiful spirit. It reads like a gentle tale you might find in a classic children’s book or a calming animated short. Rose’s heart and curiosity are infectious. With some light editing and clarification, especially around pronouns and tense, this could be a really strong piece for readers of all ages. It feels like a piece that could lead into more adventures too.

If you ever turn this into a series or illustrated book, you’ve got a strong character and setting to build on. It left me smiling, and I think that’s exactly the kind of response Rose herself would hope for.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of Cocoa Chapter 2  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Short Fiction Authors  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece reads like a chapter lifted from a heartfelt middle-grade novel with a twist of mystery and tension tucked in at the edges. Overall, it's charming, cozy, and deeply relatable while gently building into something much more ominous. Here’s my take, section by section:

Opening Scene – The Rescue:
The story begins with high emotion, throwing us straight into the action as Cocoa fights for her life in the pool. The pacing is sharp, and Maggie’s hero moment feels earned and believable. You can almost feel the water splashing and the tension tightening. That line — “She was going to drown!” — is just the right amount of fear for the reader to feel urgency without going overboard. Maggie’s dive into the pool is painted simply but powerfully, showing her bravery. There's something beautifully innocent and noble about an 8-year-old charging to save a dog. This is the kind of scene that hooks you and immediately makes you care about both girl and pup.

The Time Skip – Domestic Warmth:
A year and a half later, the tone shifts to something warmer, gentler. The way Cocoa's present day is written—with beef and gravy, firelight, and family walks—wraps the reader in a sense of safety. You can feel the passage of time in Cocoa’s comfort, and her connection with the family is strong without needing a long explanation. The description of John’s upcoming seminar is also handled with an eye for real-life detail: sticky notes, early flights, busy calendars. It grounds the story and subtly builds contrast with the tension to come later.

The Poodle Conflict – Lighthearted but Insightful:
Pinky-Dink is a perfect little villain. You’ve written her with just the right amount of sass and nastiness. The way she needles Cocoa about her weight isn’t just catty—it hits something deeper. The dialogue here is quick and believable, and the emotional fallout Cocoa feels afterward is very real. Kids (and adults, honestly) will connect with the sadness Cocoa feels, and her decision to eat anyway — followed by Barbara’s comforting talk about food and body — is a lovely, affirming moment. It shows how even unspoken comfort from someone who loves us can reshape our outlook.

The Shift – Suspense Creeps In:
The shadow scene is where everything changes. The way the tone turns — almost without warning — is expertly done. Cocoa’s stiffening, Barbara’s gut feeling, the eerie line of twigs... it all hints at something unknown and maybe even supernatural without over-explaining. That’s key. You leave enough mystery to pull readers forward, but it doesn’t feel out of place because of the calm buildup leading to it.

What Works Really Well:

The emotional range: You go from panic, to peace, to insecurity, to eerie tension—all without it feeling like tonal whiplash.

Cocoa’s point of view: It gives the story its unique warmth and humor but never loses sight of the stakes or real emotion.

The human characters: They feel fully developed even with relatively little dialogue or exposition. You understand their routines, their love, and their quirks in just a few sentences.

A Few Notes for Improvement:

Pinky-Dink’s dialogue might benefit from one more line that hints at why she’s so mean. A quick memory or offhanded remark could give her cruelty some context.

The line about Oregon’s time zone is a bit on-the-nose. It’s cute, but maybe have Barbara explain it more like a mom would to a groggy kid — with less directness and more sleepy sarcasm.

The shadow’s entrance is great, but the “line of twigs” is the first clear sign of a real mystery. Consider adding just a touch more detail: does it form a shape? Point to something? Is it common in that neighborhood? A little more and it’ll really hook the reader.

Final Thoughts:
This review reads somewhere between a slice-of-life family story and a gentle mystery with hints of magical realism or suspense. That blend works so well here because the heart of the story is grounded in everyday love and emotion. You care about the characters, which makes the final note of dread feel personal. I’d absolutely want to read the next chapter just to find out what’s going on with that line of twigs—and how Cocoa fits into the bigger picture.

Rating (if I had to give one): 9/10 — warm, smart, emotionally rich, and sneakily suspenseful. A few tiny tweaks and this could easily be the first chapter of a fantastic book.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Short Fiction Authors  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is a heartfelt and playful tribute to Writing.com’s 18th anniversary, and it’s clear the writer poured genuine affection into it. The tone is light, cheerful, and warmly nostalgic, which suits the occasion perfectly. There's a nice mix of appreciation, personal reflection, and humor, giving the piece a strong sense of personality. You can tell the writer feels like a real part of the Writing.com community—and wants to thank the people who made that possible.

The structure follows a loose, conversational rhyme scheme that works well for this kind of celebratory writing. It doesn't take itself too seriously, which is part of its charm. Lines like “Yes, let’s do it, get er’ done today!” and “They’re good, but bad, the emotions they evoke.” bring a friendly, almost folksy energy to the piece. That down-to-earth feel helps the reader connect easily.

The reference to being on the site for 8 years is a nice personal touch—it makes the poem feel anchored in experience. It reminds us that platforms like Writing.com aren’t just websites; they’re places where people grow, connect, and find their voice. The shoutout to the site's age, turning 18, adds just the right celebratory note at the end.

If there's anything to tweak, it might be the rhythm in a few lines, which feels just a little uneven. For example, “Beginning to wonder about this crowd” and “Don’t want to be one who causes a scene” might benefit from a slight adjustment for smoother flow. But honestly, those are minor things, and they don’t take away from the fun and love behind the words.

Overall, this is a warm, spirited, and joyful piece. It's a great example of how a short poem can say a lot—and bring a smile while doing it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Crosstimbers Author Consortium  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem holds a quiet power—it feels personal, raw, and honest in a way that doesn’t scream for attention, but instead asks to be understood. It speaks to a truth many people carry quietly: how what’s seen on the outside often hides what’s happening on the inside.

Right away, there’s a rhythm of duality—“She says this, they say that,”—and that back-and-forth sets the tone. Everyone has an opinion of her, but no one actually knows her. The poem challenges that surface-level judgment. I like how it never gets preachy about it either. It simply presents the truth in layers, showing how misunderstood someone can be, especially when they hide their pain behind sweetness or silence.

There’s something especially moving in the way the poem talks about her relationship with writing. That line—“give her pen and paper / Boy ... You will wonder if it's really the same person”—is a great moment. It captures what writing is for so many people: a space where their real voice lives. And the way you loop back to that later—“just give her a pen and paper you will discover more than what her words mean”—pulls the whole piece together beautifully.

The shift toward the end, when it says she lives in two worlds—“One on earth and the other on paper”—is probably the strongest line in the whole piece. That alone could be a book title or a tattoo. It’s the kind of line that lingers. And the closing thought, about discovering “which world the imposter lives in,” adds a mysterious, almost haunting layer. It makes the reader wonder if the real version of her is the one everyone sees… or the one that only shows up when she writes.

You’ve got something powerful here. The flow is natural, the emotion is real, and there’s no fake drama—it’s grounded in honesty. The one suggestion I’d offer (if you’re looking to polish it a little more) would be to smooth out a few of the line breaks for rhythm. For example, a few lines feel like they want to be part of the same breath, but they’re broken up. That could be intentional, though, especially if you're trying to mimic how her thoughts tumble out.

Either way, this piece is meaningful. It feels like it was written by someone who knows what it means to wear a smile while carrying a weight. It deserves to be heard.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review of [to the void] M1  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Crosstimbers Author Consortium  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of “There comes a softening...” by Kåre Enga

Kåre Enga’s short poem, “There comes a softening...”, may only be a few lines long, but it carries the weight of something much larger. It’s the kind of verse that quietly steps into your mind, then settles in your chest, making you pause. With a tone that's both haunting and tender, it tackles themes of emptiness, pain, and the unseen weight of existence with careful, deliberate language.

The opening line, “There comes a softening...”, introduces the idea of change, or maybe mercy. That word “softening” doesn’t just describe a shift—it suggests a kind of emotional breaking or letting go. Right away, the poem sets a quiet, reverent mood. What follows is “...to the void / when pierced by cries / of unborn souls”—and those lines strike deeply. They paint the void not just as a place of absence, but as something almost sentient, something that responds to the cries of souls that haven’t even entered the world yet.

This is where the poem really pulls you in. The idea of unborn souls crying out, not just to be born, but to be sent “to new birthed worlds”, feels cosmic and spiritual. Enga gives voice to something invisible and makes it feel urgent. There’s a subtle tragedy in it too—the suggestion that these souls are in pain already, that their waiting is a kind of suffering.

The last few lines—“to fill / their emptiness— / assuage their pain”—tie it all together. And it’s not entirely clear whether “their” refers to the unborn souls or the “new birthed worlds.” It could be either. Maybe it’s both. That dual meaning adds to the emotional complexity. The emptiness could belong to the souls who are waiting, or the worlds that are still hollow, waiting to be filled with life and meaning. Either way, the pain is real.

Stylistically, Enga keeps the language simple and clean. No punctuation, no clutter. The line breaks slow the reader down and leave space for interpretation. It feels intentional—like each phrase is a breath. There’s a meditative quality here, something gentle, yet slightly unsettling, like standing in a silent cathedral and hearing a child cry.

Overall, this is a beautiful, thought-provoking piece. It’s both spiritual and existential without being heavy-handed. It leaves space for the reader to project their own meaning, but it guides you there with quiet power. In just a handful of lines, Enga opens up a conversation about life, pain, and the unseen mysteries of


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review of My Life  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Crosstimbers Author Consortium  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem reads like a raw, emotional journey — a confession, a lament, and ultimately, a quiet victory. There’s a lot of vulnerability in your words, and that’s what gives this piece its strength. You write from a place of pain, confusion, and reflection, and by the end, there’s a shift — not a perfect resolution, but a sense of purpose rising from the chaos. That’s powerful.

Let’s talk about the overall impression first. The writing carries deep emotional weight, and you’ve captured the battle between internal shame and the desire for redemption. The speaker's struggle is clear — self-worth, mental health, past mistakes, and loneliness. But even more impactful is the emergence of self-awareness and hope. That final line, where you claim ownership over your poem and what it represents, really lands well. It's not flashy, but it's honest and grounded.

There are moments that could benefit from tightening — not to lose the emotion, but to give it more clarity and rhythm. For example, lines like "reacting had always been my favorite attitude to try and feel amongst the multitude" are rich in meaning but could be made smoother. Something like, "I used to react just to feel seen in the crowd" could still carry the same meaning with more flow. There are a few areas where grammar, punctuation, or structure get in the way of the message, which is easy to fix and worth doing because the message itself is strong.

Some of your phrases are quite poetic and memorable:

"Every day I wake up knowing that one day I would perish, but does that mean I was ever cherished?" — That’s a haunting, honest question.

"I have made so many mistakes in my life to be loved not knowing the greatest love I could ever give myself is that of discipline" — That line hits deep. It says a lot in few words.

There’s a rhythm in your writing that leans into spoken word or free verse poetry, and that works well for this piece. If you ever read this out loud, I imagine it would carry even more emotional weight.

What’s most impressive is how you allow the reader into your head and heart without trying to clean it up or make it look pretty. That takes courage, and it’s what makes the piece relatable. You move from hopelessness to hope, from being lost to starting to find yourself. The mention of writing your first poem, and calling it a treasure, brings the story full circle.

If this is really your first poem, that makes it even more powerful — because it’s not just a piece of writing, it’s a declaration. You were once a failure (your words), but you’re choosing to become a warrior. That’s the kind of message people remember.

With some light editing to polish up the grammar and flow, this could easily become the centerpiece of a powerful collection. But even in its current form, it’s heartfelt, honest, and inspiring. You should be proud of what you’ve written. It’s the kind of poem that makes people stop, reread, and think about their own story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Crosstimbers Author Consortium  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
ChatGPT said:
This poem, All of God’s Mysterious Creatures, is a short, light-hearted fable told in rhyme, offering a charming moral tucked into a playful scene from the animal kingdom. It follows a single elephant and his deep love for bananas, told in a way that feels both warm and gently humorous.

At its heart, the poem uses a very simple structure that suits its tone. Each stanza has a regular four-line layout, most often using an ABAB rhyme scheme, though it sometimes shifts. That bit of looseness doesn’t hurt the poem—it actually gives it a relaxed, natural rhythm that fits the jungle setting. The imagery is easy to picture: a large elephant rising up to reach fruit, stomping through a sunny world filled with “snouts and horns and other features.” There’s something playful about describing animals just enjoying the day.

The elephant is really the star, and his journey—motivated purely by his craving for bananas—ends with a bellyache and a lesson. That’s the old fable tradition at work: a creature overindulges, then learns the value of moderation. There’s a childlike innocence to this story, but it’s also something adults can relate to. Who hasn’t gone back for seconds (or thirds) and regretted it later?

The moral lands softly: our elephant friend doesn't meet a harsh punishment, just a bit of discomfort and reflection. And that fits with the overall tone. The poem doesn’t scold—it smiles, it gently nudges, and it invites readers to reflect on their own habits without ever becoming preachy.

One small note: while the rhymes mostly work, a few lines feel like they stretch for rhythm (“from high tree tops, upon rear haunches” is a bit clunky). Still, that doesn't seriously disrupt the flow, and the overall charm of the poem makes up for it.

In the end, this is a sweet, short tale with a simple but universal message: enjoy what you love, but don’t overdo it. It’s warm, imaginative, and full of visual moments that make the elephant’s little adventure easy to picture. A solid, thoughtful poem that offers a smile and a small truth.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review of Gnomesville  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Crosstimbers Author Consortium  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This short poem is quirky, lighthearted, and has a whimsical tone that fits perfectly with its subject — a real place called Gnomesville. It reads like a blend of travel memory and fairytale, which gives it a fun charm that’s easy to appreciate. The rhyming is simple and mostly effective, and the rhythm has a nice sing-song feel, though it could use a little tightening in a few spots.

The strongest part of the poem is its imaginative voice. Right away, the idea of hundreds of gnomes filling a space catches your attention. There’s something both humorous and strangely touching about a spot where people bring gnomes they no longer want — like a retirement village for garden décor. That mental image alone creates a sense of wonder and curiosity.

The last two lines — “The name of this place is called Gnomesville, / It really exists believe if you will.” — make a nice close, blending mystery and reality. It’s a clever way to end, almost daring the reader to look it up and discover it’s real. That line also reflects how visiting Gnomesville must feel — magical and just a little unbelievable.

There are a couple lines that could be smoothed out. For example, “I could have hardly been more surprised” and “I could hardly believe my eyes” feel a bit too similar in structure and idea, which weakens the impact of the second line. You might consider rephrasing one for variety.

Overall, it’s a playful and memorable little poem with a creative spirit and a unique subject. It works well as a poetic postcard from a strange, joyful corner of the world.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of Life  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Crosstimbers Author Consortium  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
ChatGPT said:
Your lanturne poem "Me." is elegantly simple yet resonant, perfectly aligning with the form’s minimalism and visual impact. Here’s a review considering several aspects:

🌟 Form & Structure
You’ve adhered well to the lanturne poem structure (1-2-3-4-1 syllables), and your choice of words naturally builds the shape and flow, especially in a visual sense. The progression from “Me.” upward through “growing, towering, rising above life.” cleverly mirrors the lantern’s shape as well as the theme of ascension.

✨ Content & Imagery
The metaphor of self-growth—“Me.” moving through growth, elevation, and finally transcendence—is powerful despite its brevity. The word “life” as the final, single-syllable anchor is especially effective. It serves both as a culmination and a context. The image of someone rising above life could be interpreted spiritually, emotionally, or symbolically.

💡 Suggestions (if you want to refine)
Consider whether “rising above life” might suggest disconnection or superiority—which may or may not be your intent. If you’re aiming for empowerment or transformation, clarifying through context (e.g., title or accompanying note) might help readers align with your meaning.

A title beyond "Me." could add an interpretive layer. For example: "Becoming", "Above", or "Emergence", though the simplicity of “Me.” does have a bold, declarative effect.

🎯 Overall Impression
A succinct and thought-provoking poem that uses the constraints of the form to enhance meaning. It’s introspective, upward-moving, and visually aligned with its content. Excellent for a poetry challenge focused on creativity and depth within structure.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of Miss Bessie  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Crosstimbers Author Consortium  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This limerick is charming and whimsical—nicely done! Here's a quick review based on poetic structure, rhythm, rhyme, and content:

✅ Strengths:
Rhyme Scheme (AABBA): Perfectly followed. The rhymes are smooth and natural.

Humor and Surprise: The twist in the last two lines delivers a clever punch—classic limerick humor.

Imagery: The idea of a cow dreaming of a reheated burger is absurd in a funny, surreal way. It immediately paints a vivid mental picture.

✏️ Suggestions:
"Warmed-over": While it fits the rhyme and is amusing, it's a slightly awkward phrase rhythmically. You might consider something more fluid like “leftover” (though that changes the rhyme slightly), or adjust the rhythm around it to smooth it out.

Pacing: The rhythm in line two is just a touch clunky:

“She dreamed of a burger warmed-over.”

You could tighten the meter a bit, for example:

“She dreamed of a leftover burger.”
or
“She dreamed of a burger from yesterday.”

But that might depend on whether you're aiming more for humor or rhythm.

Overall:
A delightful, quirky limerick with strong structure and a funny twist. With a tiny tweak to line two for meter, it would be even tighter. Great work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
ChatGPT said:
This is a beautiful and emotional piece. You’ve captured that deep, aching feeling of regret and lost chances really well. Your poem feels very real, very human — like a conversation someone is having with themselves late at night when all the old feelings come rushing back.

The repetition of "some were taken" and "somewhere, destroyed too" at the beginning sets a heavy, bittersweet tone right away. It shows how love can lift people up or completely break them down. That balance of beauty and sadness works really well. I especially liked the line, "Or is it that I had truly loved you?" — it hits hard because it shows the speaker questioning themselves in such a raw, vulnerable way.

When you talk about saying "I love you" in a poem versus saying it face-to-face, it feels very honest. A lot of people will relate to that fear of being open in real life even though it feels so easy in writing. And the ending — "instead of / it might have been us too" — leaves a soft, lingering heartbreak without making it overly dramatic. You kept it quiet but heavy, which is much harder to do than it looks.

If anything, I might suggest smoothing just a tiny bit between "Saying 'I love you' in a poem" and "saying it in front of you" — they’re both strong ideas, but the shift feels a little jumpy. Maybe a small connecting word or phrase would help the rhythm stay just a little softer. But honestly, that’s a minor thing.

Overall, you did a great job. This feels personal without being overly complicated, and that's exactly the kind of poetry that stays with people.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think the idea behind your story is pretty strong. It’s simple, relatable, and a lot of people will see themselves in Alex. Everybody has been stuck in that cycle where mornings are rushed, and the whole day feels like it spirals out of control. Right from Chapter 1, you did a good job showing how messy Alex’s life was. I liked how you tied his bad mornings directly to his failures at work and in his personal life. That made it feel real and gave the story some weight instead of just saying he was stressed.

Chapter 2 is where things start turning around, and it’s satisfying. I like that you used a mentor character. That kind of outside influence makes the change feel earned, not just random. The mentor giving real reasons — like better productivity and less stress — makes the advice feel practical instead of preachy.

When you got into Chapter 3 and actually listed out Alex’s new routine, it felt very clear and easy to imagine. Waking up earlier, yoga, meditation, planning goals, eating healthy — it’s realistic. Nothing felt over-the-top or fake, which is good because readers will believe Alex’s transformation more if the steps seem doable. You also did a good job showing how each new habit helped him, instead of just saying, “And everything was better now.”

Finally, Chapter 4 ties it all together really nicely. Watching Alex’s life improve at work and at home makes the story feel complete and gives readers a sense of hope. I really liked that Alex actually reflects on his journey at the end instead of just moving on. That small touch gave the story some heart and made the change feel real.

If I could suggest anything, it might be to dig a little deeper into Alex’s emotions, especially at the beginning. Like, show more of his frustration or maybe a moment where he feels like giving up before meeting the mentor. That would make the turnaround even more powerful.

Overall, though, it’s a good, solid story. It’s easy to follow, relatable, and it actually has a positive message without sounding cheesy. You did a great job making it natural and believable.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of “Production Line Moments”

This short piece is a charming little slice-of-life moment that captures something surprisingly rare in workplace fiction—genuine warmth. It gives a peek into the daily grind of two women, Shelia and Janet, on a factory line, but instead of focusing on the drudgery or tension, it highlights their friendship and humor, which helps keep the mood light and relatable.

Right from the start, we’re thrown into the middle of a workday, and the dialogue moves quickly, keeping the pacing tight. Janet’s frustration feels real, and Shelia’s distracted state gives us just enough of a mystery to keep us interested. The twist—that Shelia forgot she was supposed to give Janet a ride—feels both mundane and important at the same time, which makes it believable. That kind of forgetfulness hits close to home, and it adds to the realism.

The strength here is definitely in the banter between the two women. Their conversation flows naturally, and their laughter feels earned. They tease each other, but there’s no malice—it’s the kind of bond you see between coworkers who’ve spent years on the line together. Even Dave, the grumpy supervisor, feels familiar. His inner thoughts add a nice finishing touch, showing how even though he pretends to be annoyed, he knows they’re reliable. That last line about him grumping away gives the story a little sting of humor right at the end.

There’s no major plot twist or life-altering decision here, and honestly, that’s what makes the story work. It’s not trying to be bigger than it is. It captures a small moment, lets us hang out with a couple of real-feeling people, and ends with a laugh. That’s something a lot of short pieces forget to do—this one doesn't.

If anything, I would’ve liked maybe one extra beat of inner thought or small action to ground Shelia more. She says she forgot something important, but there’s not a strong hint of panic or guilt—just a casual realization. That works for tone, but a touch more emotional texture might have added depth. Still, for what this is—a quick, human moment—it hits just right.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review of God Help Us.  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for sharing this. It’s raw, emotional, and you clearly wrote it straight from the gut. There’s a lot of power in that. The tone is direct and personal, and it doesn't shy away from expressing deep frustration, sadness, and a protective instinct toward someone you care about. That honesty is what gives your writing its punch.

Here’s my take on it overall:

What Works Well

Emotionally Charged Voice: You’re not sugarcoating anything, and that helps the message feel authentic. Your anger, confusion, and sadness bleed through every line, which creates a strong connection with the reader. Even if they don’t agree, they’ll feel where you're coming from.

Structure and Flow: The short, staggered lines make it feel like you’re thinking out loud. Almost like a mental spiral. That actually fits the vibe well. It reads like a storm of thoughts that just couldn’t be contained anymore.

Repetition of “Why?”: This works as a motif. It reflects that feeling of being stuck, asking the same unanswerable question over and over. It shows that you’re not just angry, you’re searching.

Protective Element: When you mention the person you care about being caught in this and your desire to shield them, it softens the harshness just enough to humanize the speaker. That’s really important. It’s not just about bashing religion; it’s about pain, powerlessness, and wanting to help someone.

What Might Need Work

Tone vs. Audience: Depending on who’s reading this, the “cult-like” comparisons and phrases like “false hope” or “Evil we know as Religion” could come off as alienating. If that’s what you intended, like a full-on vent piece, then you nailed it. But if the goal is to start a conversation or change minds, some of this could turn people off before they get to the deeper message. Maybe consider softening just a few phrases if you want a wider audience to take it seriously.

Lack of Personal Backstory: You hint at the relationship between you and this person, but a few more personal details would really raise the emotional stakes. Who are they to you? What made this day particularly hard? Even just a line or two could make the emotion land harder.

"Thousands of Years" Repetition: It’s effective, but maybe use it once or twice instead of multiple times. That’ll give it more weight when it hits.

Final Thoughts

This reads like the kind of thing someone writes when they’re trying to process a moment that really got to them. And that’s valuable. It doesn’t feel fake or forced, and that honesty is something a lot of people can relate to. Even if they don’t share the same views on religion. You’re wrestling with something old and heavy, and it’s clear you're doing it out of love, not just anger.

If you keep writing like this, speaking from your heart, not holding back, you’re going to connect with readers who feel trapped in similar situations. That’s real storytelling.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anna Andreevna Akhmatova is strong and informative. it shows real respect for her legacy and clearly explains her place in literature. Overall, you’ve done a great job laying out the key points of her life, work, and influence. That said, there are a few areas where you could smooth out the flow, simplify some sections, and clear up a few things to make it more natural and engaging especially at a 10th-grade reading level.

Here’s what I liked and what I think could use a bit of tightening up:

What works well:

Clear Structure – You organized the review logically: biography, creative path, personal life, works, and influence. This helps readers understand the big picture.

Rich Content – You included both well known and lesser known works. The lists of collections and selected poems give depth.

Emotional Core – You managed to show that her life wasn’t just about writing, it was about surviving in dark times and turning that into powerful poetry.

Suggestions for improvement:

Tone and Simplicity – Some parts sound a bit too academic. Try shortening sentences and keeping language more casual. For example:

Original: "Her work continues to influence modern poets and writers."

Better: "Her poems still speak to readers today and influence writers around the world."

Clarify and Fix Small Errors – A few places need slight corrections:

“The Eternal Call” is listed as her first book, but her actual first published collection is “Evening” (1912). “The Eternal Call” seems to be a mistaken title or mistranslation.

In the poetry list, “The White Pack” should be “The White Flock.”

Sentence Flow – Some transitions are a little abrupt. For instance:

“Poetry during the years of repression” can blend better with the previous section. You might say: “Even under intense censorship, she never stopped writing.”

Repetition – The theme of love, loss, and suffering gets repeated a lot. You can still keep these themes but vary how you bring them up or focus on different angles, like her bravery or quiet defiance.

Suggested revision of one paragraph:

Original:
“Despite the difficult conditions, Akhmatova continued to write. In the 1940s, she created her most famous works, such as Requiem-- a poem about the suffering of mothers who lost their children during the years of Stalinist repression. This work has become a symbol of the pain and loss of an entire generation.”

Revised:
“Even during the worst years of repression, Akhmatova kept writing. In the 1940s, she wrote Requiem, one of her most powerful pieces. It speaks for all the mothers who lost their children to Stalin’s prisons. The poem became a symbol of silent suffering and the strength people held onto in the darkest times.”

Overall take:

This is a strong, detailed review that clearly respects Akhmatova’s work and legacy. With a few edits for clarity, tone, and flow, it’ll feel more natural and easier to connect with, especially for younger readers or casual learners. You’re close to a polished version already


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem feels like a quiet walk through a sleeping town, and I really liked that about it. There's a calmness in the way the poet observes everything, like they’re watching the world hold its breath under the glow of streetlamps and moonlight. The repetition of the first and last stanzas gives it a soft echo, like a thought that lingers. The line “How beautiful you look in the dark of the moon” is simple, but it sticks. It feels personal—like it could be about a person, a memory, or even the town itself.

What I found really strong was the contrast between day and night. The poem mentions “painted memories” and “daylight dreams,” but now those are fading under the “lamp light,” where things blur and feel uncertain. There's a sense of being caught off guard—“a welcome assault / upon my vision”—like beauty showed up when the speaker wasn't ready for it.

The middle part shifts a bit to focus on buildings like the Fire Station and Town Hall. It’s kind of cool how the poet gives them a voice, saying they’re “dreaming of better days.” It makes the town feel like a living thing with its own tiredness and hope.

Then we get those flashing traffic lights and the whispering line—“ssshhhhh... don’t wake her.” That made me smile. It’s like the poet is in on a secret, letting us in on the idea that even the town deserves a moment of peace.

Overall, it’s a soft, reflective piece that feels like love for a small town mixed with a little sadness and a lot of appreciation for quiet moments. Not a loud poem at all, but one that lingers if you sit with it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of Little Snow  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
ChatGPT said:
This poem has a quirky charm that makes it feel like a local folktale or a whispered legend passed down in small towns. Little Snow reads like a character born from autumn myths—someone you can almost imagine spotting near the edge of the woods on a foggy evening. The way he "walks in the rain / ‘cause he like to feel / water on his feet" gives him a childlike curiosity. You get the sense that he’s a bit of an outsider, living by his own rhythm, kind of like the last leaf on a tree that refuses to fall.

The grammar and word choices feel intentional—lines like “He don’t know no better” add a certain roughness, a dialect that feels authentic to the backwoods setting. It gives him voice. He isn’t polished, and he doesn’t need to be. He’s part mystery, part hermit, part creature of habit. The details about him making his own food by smashing nuts with his heel was oddly specific and kind of brilliant. That image lingers. You imagine him doing this ritual alone, out in the forest, making something simple and pure.

I really liked the side note about the yoghurt barn. It’s funny and random, but it deepens the world around Little Snow. It makes the setting feel alive—like this story exists in a place where people know about Little Snow, where he’s respected, maybe even feared a little. The barn wanting his nut mix and him refusing gives him an edge, like a quiet rebel who doesn’t care for fame or profit.

The ending is subtle. It doesn’t wrap everything up neatly, but that fits the mood. You’re just left with the advice: “Keep an eye out.” It leaves a soft feeling of mystery, like maybe you will see him—after Halloween, when the cold creeps in and the trees are bare.

Overall, this poem might feel odd to someone looking for something traditional or polished, but that’s not the point. It's raw, whimsical, and a little eerie in a playful way. I think that’s what makes it memorable.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review of Pillows  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem hits hard in a quiet kind of way. It's simple in its language, but there's so much emotion packed into those short lines. The first two lines set the tone with a mix of irony and sadness—there’s this expectation of comfort, of peace, but instead, there's unease. That shift from something as ordinary as a pillow into something as deeply unsettling as recurring nightmares is a strong way to pull the reader in.

What really stands out is how it moves from an outside perspective (“you sit bolt-straight”) to a more intimate one—there’s care in the narrator’s attempt to reach out, to comfort, but also a helplessness. That balance of love and fear is powerful. You can feel the narrator's worry, their tiredness maybe, but mostly their desire to protect, even when they can’t.

The nightmare imagery is vivid but not overdone. The “daemon with a cloak’s red hue” and “gnashing teeth” gives just enough for us to feel the terror without dragging us too far into fantasy. The last line is probably the strongest—it ends on that lingering fear, the kind that doesn’t disappear with the sun. That’s a very real feeling for anyone who’s ever dealt with anxiety or trauma—dreams that blur into waking life, the fear that doesn’t stay in your sleep.

It’s quiet and short, but it feels personal. Like something written late at night, maybe after seeing someone go through this exact thing. That honesty makes it stick. If you were thinking about expanding this or adding more pieces like it, I’d say keep that balance of care and helplessness. It’s what makes this piece feel so real.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This chapter has a calm, thoughtful vibe to it, and I really like how it slowly opens up the inner world of the narrator while showing us just how much a small conversation can change a person’s mindset. Green of a new chance is a perfect title for this one. It’s all about slow changes, new beginnings, and how people—especially strangers—can leave a strong mark without even trying.

The chapter starts with this sleepy, almost annoyed tone from the narrator, who’s clearly tired of the grey scenery and the stillness of the journey. That kind of honesty makes the character feel real. It’s relatable too—sometimes when life is in between stages, like between school and work, or childhood and adulthood, it can feel dull and confusing. The narrator’s thoughts reflect that perfectly without being too dramatic.

Then comes the “strange passenger,” who adds color to the grey setting, both literally and emotionally. Their conversation feels natural and kind of reminds me of those random, deep talks people sometimes have with strangers on long trips. The fact that he’s dressed like a detective adds a bit of mystery too—it makes the reader wonder if he’s just a teacher or someone more important.

What really works in this chapter is how it uses the train ride as a symbol. The moving train, the dark clouds, the empty wagon—all of that mirrors the narrator’s headspace. But when the conversation picks up, it’s like the clouds slowly lift a bit. The stranger offers some surprisingly deep insight about stories, chances, and not wasting opportunities. His little parable about the emerald might be simple, but it carries weight. It makes you pause and think, which is exactly what the narrator does too.

The writing style is casual, which fits the narrator’s voice well. There are moments that feel a bit clunky or need cleaner punctuation, but honestly, that adds to the charm. It feels like someone’s telling you the story right out of their journal or memory.

My only suggestion would be to give a little more emotional detail in the narrator’s thoughts when the stranger starts talking about purpose and making the most of a new beginning. That would make the ending hit harder. Maybe show a bit more hesitation or reflection in the narrator—something to show that what the man said is actually starting to settle deep.

Overall, this chapter is subtle but rich. It’s quiet but meaningful, and it really captures that awkward but important moment when a young person steps into a new chapter of life with uncertainty and hope tangled together. The “green” theme fits—green as in newness, growth, maybe even envy or hesitation—and that makes the title feel thoughtful and symbolic. I'm curious to see where the narrator ends up next.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review of Echoes of Us  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Echoes of Us is a slow burn of grief, memory, and a kind of love that never really got its chance to breathe fully. It’s written like a song stretched out into a long, aching letter—more poetic than narrative, more felt than told. And honestly, that’s what gives it weight. It doesn’t read like a typical love poem or heartbreak story. It feels lived-in, almost like a confession whispered in the dark, meant only for the one who'll never quite hear it.

What makes this piece stand out is how deeply personal it feels. The narrator isn’t just mourning a person—they’re mourning a version of themselves that existed with that person. You get the sense that they loved someone who was broken in ways they couldn’t fix, and that the love itself became both a shelter and a trap. There's a constant push and pull between wanting to hold on and needing to let go, which keeps the whole thing feeling raw and real.

The strongest parts are the metaphors. The vinyl record spinning in the background of their memories. The hallway of their past. The wings given, then broken. The void that remains. It’s all symbolic, but not in a way that feels forced. It paints emotion without needing a full plot. The moment when the narrator admits they "made a home in your sorrow" is probably the most painful and beautiful line in the whole piece—it says so much in so few words.

There's also this quiet desperation throughout. Not loud, not dramatic—just this steady ache that builds with every stanza. The references to music, silence, empty bottles, and echoing lyrics make it feel like love itself is haunted. And the person being spoken to? They’re almost like a ghost. Not dead, but gone. Changed. Distant. There's no happy ending here, but there is closure. It’s not dramatic or full of clarity, but it’s there—in the forgiveness, in the letting go, even if it's reluctant.

Now, if I had to offer one suggestion, it would be to trim or tighten a few spots near the middle. The repetition of themes (like pain, music, and memory) is powerful, but it borders on a bit too much in some stanzas. If just a few lines were cut or reworded, the emotional impact might actually hit harder. That said, the long format does help capture how it feels to process something you can’t quite let go of—how it loops and drags and repeats in your mind.

There’s no mistaking the voice here—it’s tender, melancholic, and honest. You’re not reading about heartbreak; you’re sitting in it with the narrator. And that’s hard to pull off, especially without veering into cliché or melodrama. This piece walks that line carefully and mostly succeeds.

In the end, Echoes of Us isn’t a story about love working out. It’s about what it means to love someone through their pain, and what it costs to walk away from them without ever really stopping loving them. It’s sad, yes—but it’s also full of grace. And that last section? Where the narrator asks to be remembered for the warmth they gave, not the silence that followed—that’s the kind of thing that stays with you.

It's a beautiful piece. Quiet, honest, and deeply human. If this is the kind of writing you’re aiming to do more of, you’re definitely on the right path.

WriterRick


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of Elm Street  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This short story, Elm Street, is a fun, quick supernatural tale with a touch of mystery and light humor. It has that perfect spooky-but-playful vibe that fits well in a middle school or early high school setting. I liked how the story didn’t go over the top with horror and instead leaned more into suspense and curiosity.

The opening is solid. The characters are quickly introduced—Ken, a bit reluctant and unsure, and Randy, the more adventurous and impulsive type. The dynamic between them works well for setting up the situation. You get the feeling right away that Ken’s stepping out of his comfort zone, and Randy is the kind of friend who drags you into weird adventures.

The haunted house on Elm Street is classic. Everyone has that one creepy house in town that kids dare each other to go near. The fact that the door is unlocked and Randy just walks right in keeps things moving. The pacing is fast but not rushed, and the dialogue feels natural for their age.

When Arnold shows up, things get interesting. I like that little twist where we realize Ken is a ghost, and Arnold is sort of his… ghost mentor? Guardian? That part could’ve used just a bit more clarity or buildup. It's revealed very suddenly, and it leaves some questions hanging—but maybe that’s the point. The memory-wipe moment is clever, and it makes the ending feel dreamlike.

The last line is my favorite. “No matter how hard he tried, Randy could never seem to find Elm Street.” It leaves you wondering—was it even real? Or is Elm Street some kind of supernatural place only meant to be visited once? That’s the kind of ending that lingers a little.

Overall, I think it’s a great short story that balances mystery, supernatural elements, and friendship all in under 500 words. If I had to give feedback, I'd say maybe give a little more background on Arnold or hint earlier that something's off about Ken. But even without that, it’s a fun read with a good mix of spooky and strange. Definitely feels like the beginning of a bigger story if you ever wanted to expand it.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
748 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 30 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rick12221