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5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Zosha  Open in new Window.
Review by R. J. Spindle Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice flash. I'm not sure I understand the ending. It doesn't feel like anything was concluded. If anything, this is the beginning of a story. It's a high risk in flash fiction. Maybe if you turn the majority of the story into a dream, and the end is Zosha waking up, having remembered this speech from her childhood, and now she has a daughter of her own that would give it a better feeling of finality.
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Review of Sunset  Open in new Window.
Review by R. J. Spindle Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
What you've got here is a nice start. I can't say that I liked this piece, because it's very generic. It is almost entirely cliche. Where cliche can be very useful--especially in short fiction like this--you do still want some vivid original description in your own voice as well.

Here's what I got out of the story:

The scene is an intimate first date between a man (the narrator) and a woman. He really likes her, and she seems to like him as well. They hold hands and never see each other again.

What I think you are trying to do here is convey the emotion of lost chances. The chief problem is in the amount of cliches present. They hide your deeper feelings, because they take up valuable space.

I hope this was helpful to you.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..
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