I like the sentiment you have here. I believe you convey that well. The title is a bit misleading. Keeping is fine but I would suggest, if not starting the poem as Dear the beau's name, have his "name" or some term of endearment somewhere in the piece Just a thought.
Assuming that this is a time-sensitive piece -- which time era I'm noot sure -- but if sometime from the turn of last century or some time before, I would do some research that your word choices mirror the time period you are writing in
Yes, it's still English but definitions and word choices change over time, even the slightest. For example, 50 or so years ago, if one said I feel gay or you are gay, gay would be refering to feeling happy. Nowadays, the word is stigmatized to meaning feeloing amoration for someone of the same gender as you are
very touching, although i wouldn't say I would have guessed that it was from the dog's perpective. I might have wondered or just assumed that it was an old person sitting on the front porch somewhere until the very end where you write take my place on the floor. I would have gotten it then. Very moving story thought. Believed you did this well and conveyed such feeling over the course of the story. Just wonder who Jaspar is, though. Is Jaspar a cat?
great poem; something i can relate to
would eliminate with from
I’m afraid with what I’ll see.
and change can't to cannot in
That I can’t erase.
may flow better that way
thought you had a well thought out story here; you may want to go back and fix some of the syntax/grammar issues. there are many places where commas or semi-colons are needed, etc.
was this story written with the enterprise characters in mind, or coincidence, where the series came on after this written? do you have proof.
i am not a lawyer, and don't know much about copyright, but if you decide to have this turned into a published thing, don't be surprised if you're asked to change the names, even with the disclaimer that you have posted.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:54am on Nov 15, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
