Very nice contemplative piece; well thought out and a very nice concept. If I may, I have amended your work to give it a better flow, and help to drive the message you are shooting for a little more directly and easier to absorb. Just a few grammatical corrections and punctuation errors to help add a bit more to your writing toolbox. See the edited version below and if you have any questions hit me up. Keep the awesome work coming and write on!
Life has never been easier than when you are standing ar a crossroads and must choose one yet unsure of; hoping you made the right choice and later found that you couldn't escape and rather choose the one you were sure of based on your first intuition.
We all have regrets in life we carried along the way; they take up much of our sanity and faith and all you long for is to turn back the clock and choose directions you should have been headed in the first place.
I accepted in the long run that life is like that after all; it’s full of glitches; that is how we live. We stumble onto imperfections to meet the near perfections; impossible as they obviously are.
As we walk, we trip over different sizes of rocks and rough patches of the road, pave through smooth surfaces, witness the passing cars carrying chances back and forth.We run into people with whom we have remained in contact or whom we haven’t heard of after a long while; whom inspired us and pissed us off, amazed at the sight of beautiful creations of God in the form of animals & plants.We feel the coldness of winter and the deadly heat of summer, darkness of nights, illuminating moon and stars, squint at the rays of the sun, brightness of the mornings. Upon reaching the end of the road, the only thing we hope for is to see the WHOLE “YOU” with hands over our heads claiming victory after we had surpassed everything and be wholly grateful for the GIFTS of what we call “LIFE”
Good day. I really liked the concept in this piece. I like the fact that I could feel as if I was there looking over someone in there dying moments. If I might add a bit of constructive criticism; in the 3rd line of the fourth stanza is a grammatical error, I'm assuming "tolled" is meant to be the word told, and "m share", I'm not clear on what you meant by that. Other than that, nice flow, nice rhyme scheme, and very nice concept. Well done.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/roaddawg538
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 4:05pm on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
