Well, finally an interesting vampire that doesn't involve romance (I'm talking about "Twilight")! This was a really great story with no structural issues to be found. Great characterizations, snappy dialog, and a dry humor throughout. I loved it! Keep writing!
----- Monsterman
Normally I don't review stories, but this one was just too good to ignore. I've never had my heart pound like that. I think it's the fact that I'm a Senior in High School shoving the realism too much in my face. Either way the suspense when the gunmen appear (well done with them, keeping them hidden from the reader)..... it was absolutely twisted. Truly frightening. Also, highly unexpected, I didn't see it coming.
Characterization is great. Having a typical and highly realistic dialog line flow in it. No grammar issues or spelling issues. Just terror and more terror. You build the suspense to levels that may even exceed my own "Cabin 9" story. So thank you, for scaring me into nervousness tomorrow when I go to school. No story or movie has done that in a long time. Great job! Really great!
---- Monsterman
Ahoy! You are pretty good at poetry! Have faith in yourself. So on to the review: The title fits quite perfectly with the poem content itself, along with the emotion driven, first two stanzas. They also rhyme well. Although rhyming was almost immediately cut short with the last two stanza's it doesn't matter. They are like The Rocky Horror Picture Show where everything is catchy in a sing-song way. And that's what counts, it's not all about rhyming in poetry.
You convey a much lighter side to the dark myth of the Siren, which I enjoyed, and was drawn into within a few words. You have an intriguing way with words. I'd like to see more. Write on with the bright side (I'm normally for the dark)!
---- Monsterman
A perfect story for Independence Day! There are absolutely no problems in grammar or spelling, so all I can give is support. It's very apparent that you've lived here for a long time, in your voice. As you said that in the story.... (ranting always happens to me)! So are the love and confidence you have that we'll make it through. We've survived everything so far, America is the greatest underdog story. The true spirit of America, no matter how long it takes to get there, is in your powerful sword-like pen!
Write on and give people hope and belief!
--------Humbly,
Monsterman
Aw, well isn't this an entertaining story! I love it (hence the high rating)! The title fits quite well with the story, which is great when it happens (not often). This is one of those funny cases like the movie Snakes on a Plane, where it's blatantly obvious what the entertainment is. The only thing I'd like to have seen is more on the rivalry between the two girls, maybe an event that went down in the school's history.
You're overall "voice" is quite comical in it's own way that adds to the humor. Also just enough description to grab readers with imagination's attention. Great job!
---- Monsterman
Who in the Hell gave you such a meager grade of three stars?!?! This story is great and cute, and definitely for kids. I love the descriptions of a classic monster (not very original but still fun)! A great ending with an appearance of everyone's favorite candy... chocolate!!!! Great... this is the type of talent I wish would appear more on this site!
Have gracious amounts of chocolate and write for the kids!
-Monsterman
Brilliant beginning for a story, the suspense is well spaced. The characters are interesting. Although I don't think I myself would go into a gun store if the sign usually said Open and the sign is then the exact opposite. I think someone would've hesitated in a situation like that. Other than that, you have a good story... keep it up!
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