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118 Public Reviews Given
119 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Two important observations: First, I found your character of Raff to be believeable and even likeable as a reader I already want him to succeed. Enough can't be said about exactly how important it is to be able to get your readers to like you main charcter. Great job. Second, when dealing with the medievil time period it is important to remember that the English language was undergoing what is commonly known as the great vowel shift. Also every single letter in every single word was clearly pronounced so in this regard e's sounded like a's i's sounded like e's and so on and so forth. With this important fact in mind I think it is becomes necessary to truly emulate the way they truly talked in order to fully emerse your reader into the scene. Adapting your dialogue utilizing this great vowel shift will help not only anchor the reader in place, but also help add validity to your story. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Respectfully,

Robert Thomas Atwood, MFA
Adjunct Professor of English
Southern New Hampshire University
52
52
Rated: E | (3.0)
I think you do a great job of really anchoring the reader in place. Your descriptions of the house and the setting do a nice job of painting a believable picture for the reader. A picture I can close my eyes and almost see. I can see the cobwebs in the corner. I can almost smell the must and moth balls.

But where your descriptions of setting and scenary are fantastic, I felt your character Joven to be lacking. She comes across as being very blah or bland sort of cookie cutter like. That is to say that I found myself reading not because of the character but because of the wonderful descriptions of place. Readers need to connect with the main character. Most can relate to being eighteen or even having a difficult mother, but I think it is truly essentially, crucial even to really do a good job of getting your reader to like and or hate your main character. Joven did not do it for me.

Great job with setting and place. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Respectfully,

Robert Thomas Atwood, MFA
Adjunct Professor of English
Southern New Hampshire University
53
53
Rated: E | (4.0)
Baseball has ever been America's past time and certainly my own sport of choice and I think you truly capture the essence of what it is like for young ones to take the field for the first time. The elements of excitement and apprehension, the nerves of the parents and coahces all of which come out in your beautifully rhyming poem. You may choose to adapt this poem to a more organic form so that you will not be limited to the rhyme and scheme. I think doing so will really allow your baseball poem to hit a home run so to speak.

Your poem reminds me remarkably of William Wordsworth's "The Ballod of Simon Lee." Though Simon Lee went about helping strangers with his mighty axe and your poem has children swinging their mighty bats, the comparisons are still great. Good job.

Respectfully,

Robert Thomas Atwood, MFA
Adjunct Professor of English
Southern New Hampshire University
54
54
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
As a fan of the Harry Potter Series I found this first chapter of your fan fiction to be delightful and somewhat comparable. I love the idea of role reversal and really playing off the idea of Dudley's size being a laughable quality (I myself was a very large kid and can relate to this.)

Where you do a great job with this I think you are missing a truly great opportunity to have a 1 to 1 chapter to chapter parody. . In chapter one "The Boy Who Lived" there is a celebration with Harry surviving an attack. In your first chapter you seem to combine several chapters into one. Perhaps one chapter of potter could equal one chapter in your book.

I was thinking about how lovely it would be if Harry was the son and Dudley was the nephew and perhaps Dudley's mother died in child birth because he was so heavy...just an idea. All in all you have done great things here and I look forward to reading then next installment.

Respectfully,

Robert thomas Atwood, MFA
Adjunct Professor of English
Southern New hampshire University
55
55
Review of The Promise  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think you capture the true essence of what it must be like to be homeless without a place to go. I am reminded of the countless veterans who have returned home from the war only to find a less than sympathetic country which has turned them onto the streets instead of giving them shelter and embracing them. The thought of mental illness running rampant amongst the homeless is another reality that your poem brings to mind. Many cannot afford simple health care or housing and thus remain untreated and forgotten , forced to sleep on the softest bit of park bench they can find.

I admire your ability to stay within the rhyme scheme of A B A B C C and your use of enjament is flawless as one line flows into the next without a hitch. I am however hung up on some of your diction (word choice). Perhaps your rhyme scheme greatly limited the words you had access to in order to make everything work, but in places I feel that the pace and scheme felt rushed. I was caught up in the reunion and the emotional aspects of it and then a line ends suddenly when I desperatly wanted it to go on. This is to your credit as you do a great job of drawing the reader in and making them want more.

Diane Levertov said, "The only form of true poetry left is organic poetry. Poetry that is allowed to grow and flow as it will, without the limitations of rhyme or scheme." In a way I agree with former poet laureat Levertov, writing poetry that is free from rhyme or scheme allows the lines to go where they will, alot of times allowing for a full flowering of emotion and design. On the other hand, without rhyme or scheme we would not have literary giants such as : Shakespeare, Wordsworth and Byron.

All in all you have done a great job on this poem. I would encourage you to try your hand at free flowing organic poetry with the same serious subject matter and see where that may take you. GreatJob.

Respectfully,

Robert Thomas Atwood, MFA
Adjunct Professor of English
Southern New Hampshire University
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