I enjoyed the comparison and your development of the wild animals metaphore!
some thoughts I would add --
-did you intend purposely to switch audiences from "we" to "you" to "people"? It sounds like "people" is used as to represent the student examples in parts of the 3rd and 4th paragraph, but in how you address the audience, you may want to keep the "we's" and "you's" a bit more uniform.
-something fun you could do to emphasize your point is actually using the word "animal" instead of people when using examples! it would sound more fun to me.
-another suggestion would be to use as many animal-type words as possible when describing the student's behavior. you do some of this, but it would be fun to perhaps overdue it somewhat in a very exaggerated way.
overall, loved it!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rosemusic1226
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:55pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
