This is the kind of poem that can only be appreciated if you are older and wiser. It brings to life a certain reality that nothing is what you expected. I particularly like the last 5 lines as it really does emote and awoke a sense of return to the primitive stage as part of the cycle that we go through. So I am going to give this poem four and a half stars. There is no infantile rhyming, it is clearly set out and while the central theme is repeatedly entered, it fits with this poem. Please keep writing, Dan, you have great skill.
That is a very upsetting story. It was beautiful and it made me so sad and paranoid that I will never read this story again! When you can get the reader to feel such emotions; you know you have done well. I am going to do something I rarely do. I will give this story the maximum that I can. I will give this tragic story 5 stars for being well written and tragic. I hope that you will write a sequel where Bridgette moves to heaven.
Hi Percy,
I must say you have a complete grasp on what writing is. The structure and the description, the format and the characters; all the elements that make a story well written with a great plot easy to follow while creating entertaining and well developed characters. This is the very core of what attracts us to this site rather than simply devoting our time to sites based on fanfiction (which many of us still maintain an interest in).
I am delighted to see you took the time to absorb what the late and great rixy/Missy wrote. Whoever she was; no doubt we are all the poorer for having lost her. You and her family have my and I am sure many other's sympathy. Keep writing!
Well Don two...that surprise ending was remarkably well written. At first, our protoganist seems indeed either on his march to jail or freedom having been unjustly punished. The surprise that the two batteries were in fact references to the number of assaults he committed was a clever use of language. That a shop lifters should wind up imprisoned for attacking a shopkeeping or public defender remains unclear, but certainly the basis for a more expanded tale.
I am delighted that great descriptions to both settings and circumstances have been put to screen. No idiot rhyming or infantile woe is me. This is a well written piece. Particular thanks for the great use of vocabulary. Verbosity should not be a social crime if used properly and this poem is indeed far from such a thing. Keep writing.
Kings, I am happy to review another of your work. Again we have rhyming but this one feels less forced and more natural. I think that it is important that the words chosen fit the poem both in subject matter and tone. However that having been said, it is a very short poem (I assume by design). There are a lot of pronouns in this poem; perhaps the next one you could alternative between I and a description of the act you are offering (I love you a great deal or the love borne between us shall never die for example).
The last 5 sentences have marry, marriage and married in them. Could not the verbs hitched, wedded or entwined be better used? Or matrimony and wedding for nouns? This is not designed to criticise your work. But an expanded vocabulary breaks up monotony and maintains interest. I was once knew of something who used said over and over. Now they use descriptive verbs like discussed, commented, remarked, responded, answered, exclaimed and the like.
Sadly, I can only give you 3.5 stars for this poem. Keep writing!
Kings, that was an interesting little ditty. Again as I have stated with many of the poems I have reviewed, the rhyming is distracted and irritating. It makes it sing song and infantile. I admire the use of vocabulary especially G men from Uncle Sam. You provide a vivid description of a tough and strong man refusing to surrender his gains to the corrupt. The avid discussions about his dogs and the inevitable capture does not distract from the strong view of your grandfather as a strong willed and irrepressible man. Kudos to you for this poem.
Ok, that was creepy! I know you wrote this 3 years ago, but it was very disturbing. I know its a short story...but I must admit, I cringed as I read this story. It was not a bad story, I am just not impressed much with the subject matter. The characters were reasonably well described and written. The ending with the burning food was the reason I gave it a 4 stars rather than a 3 and a half. Regardless a reasonable effort.
Sounds like our protagonist has some sort of tinnitus! He probably should have got a cat scan while he was at the doctor's. Well that was well written, Tom Buck. I especially like that the story ended with him still hearing that noise. For a while, I was worried it was part of some con from Ms Taylor. Regardless that was worthy of a hard 4 stars. I suppose that the character of Beth could have been more developed and someone should have suspected he is having some episode.
But that's just me being exceedingly harsh. If I could give you 8.5 out of ten; I would. Since I can't; I will give you 4 stars. Well done, Tom Buck.
Well this is a nice setting, it gives an explanation as to what is happening and how it could lead to further chapters. We quickly understand that our protagonist is highly observant and even at the undisclosed young age has a good grasp of things. The main character is clearly a male from his comment about girls. The setting about the rich family where the girls are never seen is interesting.
We know that this family is relatively middle class, the description that his aunt and uncle are only slightly older than him, reveals that his mother married young and his grandmother had her children quite young as well. Overall, I found the setting easy to follow; my only concern is whether Nana or Grandmother Johnson are the maternal and paternal grandmother or the same person. This might have been better explained. Good setting, Gunny/Lynn
Wow, jpmurphy. I am stunned at the hard work and beauty of what you have presented.
As a writer rather than a poet, I am still grasping with the rules and efforts that come with presenting poetry. But you have put into focus a true portrayal of a loving individual who yearns to keep their soul mate close to them. The use of time, emotion, physical mentions, even the constant mentioning of the Lord, inter-plays beautifully.
It even enables me to ignore the use of rhyme, which I detest. This is a great poem, please share with us as many of these fine poems as you have time to create. Best wishes for all your future works and as always please keep writing.
Well....its certainly cats and dogs falling from the sky. But they would almost certainly die. It has to be remotely realistic. The lack of emotion being extressed by Sarah is more shocking than the cats and dogs falling to the ground. Surely someone would scream or react to this phenomen. Sorry, I am going to give this 3 stars. Please don;t be discourage, but this could be a lot better. Keep writing.
Ok Abby, I am going to be brutal. I know this is a short story....but this isn't a journal. It felt really rushed in parts and that took away from the story. You need an absolutely brilliant part in building the suspense. But as the story progressed, it became rushed after they captured her. The tracking device thing....that wasn't really what made sense. And the ending is poor. I am sorry, but the end lacks a punch.
I feel that you should have skipped the part about Megan finding Abby. She should have woken up a few weeks later and Megan should have tearfully explained what happened. You took a gamble with your ending....for me personally it did not pay off at all. It's still a good story....but the ending and the part after they captured her went too fast. Nice try.
Ok, this story is one of the most depressing tales I have read this year. It has the beginnings of a fine story....but there is a slight taping off that continues. It is never truly explains the relationship between Wedge and Gerda (I am assuming that they are not biological related). But Gerda is pale and redheaded; whereas Wedge is the reverse.
This story sounds very much like that Will Smith's film were he is the sole survivor of New York and he has to travel. It is a reasonable short story, so I will give it 4 stars. Might I suggest though, that you avoid jumping too far ahead in a short story? Otherwise, a reasonable effort.
I confess that the poem confuses me slightly. Victor, I am not quite sure why you are writing about being unable to wake up. You provide some insight with your mentioning of dreams. I can only assume that Stormy's request must have been for a short poem. And once again there is rhyming, which I absolutely loathe. Still this poem has many positives and it is reasonable well described.
Nice nabila. A fine combination of joy and sadness. You left this reader wanting more. The descriptions of flowers, seasons and spirits (souls and memories) truly envoke the eternal movement from life to death in a constant movement of renewal. I hope to read more from you! Cheers Nabila.
Ok.....Jessica; I hope this is not what actually happened to you. If it is, I can only say that if an ugly monster like Hitler can find true happiness, anyone can. Anyone, this is a true dark piece of work. I used to love those, years ago. So because this is not my cup of tea, I will give you a good but not brilliant score. Keep writing and hopefully Jess, next time you will write something happy and I will give it a great score. Well done!
Ok, that needs a resolution. I was enthralled from the minute you started writing. I wasn't completely clear at what point Johnny and Kevin got separated but it was fascinating. Tom, you owe it to yourself to write a followup to this story. It has everything necessary, suspense, horror, mystery, loss! I almost this story a 5 star rating; but I cannot.
Simply put a story has to be beyond brilliant for me to even consider such a score. My intention was too write a long review to collect the GPs so I can give a badge to a fellow author. But this story went beyond that; so I credit you Tom and wish you luck with your professional career. Because you would deny many people, if this was not published or had no sequel.
Ok, this is very well written. Are you a writer for Criminal Minds? Because I am definetely getting that impression. Honestly I have nothing to add to this short story except praise. And as you can tell from my reviews, I am very opinionated. If I have one complaint, its that I can't see this man being innocent at all and having a story with the ultimate suspense or reasonable twists is always high on every readers' list. Keep writing.
Interesting. I can see where you are going with this. You paint an interesting story. You had me hoping you would find happiness. Please keep writing as it is a fine poem. I like the descriptive words like shield, wheeled, concealed, pealed. Since I don't fully understand what a ghazal is, I won't penalise you for all the rhyming or use of the words my heart constantly. As I did with an earlier review, please disregard that and accept my congratulations for a fine ghazal.
Interesting. I can see where you are going with this. But the repetitous nature of my heart is slightly wearing. You paint an interesting story. But Jim; I suggest that if you want to be recognised as a world class poet that you make that alteration to your signature. Otherwise you had me hoping you would find happiness. Please keep writing as but for that, it is a fine poem.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 6:06am on Jun 30, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
