This is very good. 5th stanza might the weak point for me. Small fee line seems a liitle forced and "Where would you go?" doesn't seem related to the other lines.
This is a beautiful, coherent tale. It reads fairly smoothly. It seems to break it's own rules in spots. Stanzas are iambic, but one is trochaic (4th) Syllable counts vary, but I tend to be more of a sound guy. I don't like the lack of rhyme in 6th stanza as you rhyme in every other one (although the lines themselves are great). This is picky stuff. Take it as you wish. Not even sure if I am right. It's a terrific piece!
This is nice! Good structure, smooth and funny. Makes me want to read more of your stuff. I usually read anyone who reviews me. More often than not I am disappointed. And I want to like it. Especially if it was a nice review.
Loved this one. I think this may be my next project in form school. It is a feat when you fit the form without sounding clunky and still make your point. I will read more.
Very nice. Personally, I don't capitalize first word of a line if it begins mid-sentence. Not sure what is the stabdard on that. perhaps you have more insight than I.
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