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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/russell.james
Review Requests: OFF
26 Public Reviews Given
29 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a form I use for reviews. I look for a Goal, Motivation, Conflict and Resolution. It also allows me to tell what I liked and what I thinks needs improving. In my reviews I may make suggestions by adding my take on what the author is trying to say. Purely a suggestion to take or leave as needed.
I'm good at...
Giving in depth and fair reviews. I usually review stories that interest me. I don't always like them but they have promise and potential. I am fair but I AM reviewing. I do not review grammar or spelling. I do point out past and present tenses as well as the over use of WAS, WENT, THE and THAT in one story so watch those.
Favorite Genres
I like just about anything except romance. Some fantasy is off putting, too.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance.
Favorite Item Types
Satic.
I will not review...
I'll read and review just about anything.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This story is a gut punch. It's raw, unflinching, and doesn't shy away from the harsh reality of poverty and corruption. The narrator's voice is filled with a mix of anger, frustration, and deep, aching sorrow. You see the world through their eyes – a world where children starve while those in power turn a blind eye.

Here's what stood out to me:

Descriptive Power: The vivid imagery of the starving children, the buzzing flies, and the brutal guard creates a suffocating sense of the suffering surrounding the narrator.

Emotional honesty: The narrator doesn't sugarcoat their desperation or their rage. It's a powerful reminder that witnessing injustice can be a deeply traumatic experience.

The glimmer of hope: Despite the darkness, the narrator's connection with Kicky offers a small flicker of hope and defiance. The fact they bury him, even against orders, speaks to the power of human compassion in a world that seems devoid of it.
The twist ending: The reveal about the guard's disappearance is satisfying, a glimmer of rough justice in an otherwise unjust situation.

Overall, this is a moving and thought-provoking piece.

Rating: 4/5 stars: A powerful and unsettling story that raises important questions about compassion, responsibility, and the human cost of indifference.
2
2
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This story is a wild and strangely captivating exploration of friendship, rivalry, and the unexpected ways desire can manifest. It takes a simple premise – a foot race – and turns it into a multi-layered, sensory extravaganza that's both funny and oddly arousing.

What Works Well

Sensory Details: The writing is dripping with vivid descriptions of sights, smells, and physical sensations. From the burning heat and sweat-soaked clothes to the lingering scent of pine and the surprisingly complex flavors of various feet, the story fully immerses the reader in its world.

Realistic Dialogue: The dialogue feels natural and authentic, capturing the playful banter and subtle tensions between the girls. Their voices are distinct and believable, adding a sense of personality and charm.

Subversion of Expectations: You skillfully play with the reader's expectations, initially hinting at a dark twist before ultimately revealing it as a story about the complicated nature of relationships and the power of touch. The element of surprise adds a layer of excitement.

Strong Female Characters: Each girl is unique and distinct, with their own motivations and personalities. Their determination, competitive spirit, and genuine care for each other shine through even in the absurdity of the situation.


Overall Impressions:

This story is a bold and captivating piece of short fiction. It's playful, sensual, and surprisingly heartwarming.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
3
3
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (5 out of 5 stars)

This was a hauntingly beautiful first-person narrative. I loved how the story started out with what seemed like a comfortable, privileged life, only to slowly reveal the subtle limitations and melancholy within that life. It almost reads like a diary entry, with such honest insights into the narrator's feelings.

Here's what stood out to me:

Intriguing Voice: The narrator has a very distinct and compelling voice. It's both intelligent and reserved, full of yearning and a touch of quiet sadness. I could almost hear that voice throughout.

The Impact of Oscar: I felt the weight of Oscar's presence even when he wasn't physically in the scene. The way the narrator describes her feelings toward him – the excitement, the adoration, and even the dependence – made for a really moving portrayal of their relationship.

Emotional Depth: There were so many lines and passages that stuck with me. The line about Oscar being "the final piece in an intricate puzzle" was especially insightful. And the ending! When it became clear that Oscar had likely written the entire piece as a final production, it left me with a lingering feeling of both sadness and wonder. It perfectly encapsulated the complex emotions within their relationship.

Honestly, this story was so well-crafted, I don't have much criticism. If anything, I'd suggest sprinkling in just a few more sensory details throughout the narrative (sounds, smells, textures) to further immerse the reader in the world.

I would absolutely recommend this story to others. It's the kind of piece that stays with you long after it's finished. I'm excited to see what other work you put out in the future!
4
4
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This story delves deeper than quirky humor. It uses a conversation between a discontented groundhog and a bewildered human to explore themes of societal failings, misplaced faith, and personal responsibility. The story's strength lies in its unexpected reversal—Phil, typically the object of amusement, emerges as the voice of reason, delivering a sharp critique of humanity.

The dialogue is both hilarious and thought-provoking. Phil's frustration is palpable, his rant a blend of exasperation and genuine disappointment in the human race. The main character, initially focused on the apocalypse, experiences a shift in perspective, highlighting a key takeaway of the tale. The ending is satisfying, offering a more hopeful but still critical look at humanity's potential.

There are a few areas where the story could be even stronger:

Setting & Emotion: The opening could draw the reader in more effectively with descriptions of the scene (eerie Knob at night) and the main character's feelings (a blend of excitement and nervousness about Phil's wisdom).
Pacing: Lengthy chunks of Phil's rant could be broken up with the protagonist's reactions, adding to the dynamism of the exchange.
Rating: 4 stars out of 5

Why I liked it:

Subversive humor: The groundhog's cynicism and "common sense" wisdom are delightfully unexpected.
Thought-provoking themes: It sparks contemplation about misplaced priorities, environmentalism, and personal accountability.
Relatable protagonist: The main character's initial naiveté and eventual shift make it easy to connect with the story.
Satisfying resolution: The ending avoids being preachy, instead inspiring a sense of both amusement and introspection.
5
5
Review of The Flawed Gods  Open in new Window.
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Okay, it's time to put those guidelines into practice! Here's my review of your short story, followed by a star rating:

Review

This short story masterfully blends elements of sci-fi, action, and a powerful internal struggle.

Positives:

Emotional Nuance: J'on's inner conflict is the core of the story. It's relatable, even with the sci-fi setting. His doubt, guilt, and frustration feel authentic, making him a compelling antihero.
Strong Imagery: The descriptions of desolate cities, the silvered skin and blades, and even the subtle details of street violence are vivid and set the stage perfectly.
Mystery and Intrigue: Elsie's presence and true purpose create an undercurrent of mystery. Her influence over J'on and the unanswered questions about his past leave the reader wanting more.
Areas for Improvement

Lengthy Exposition: The opening scene slows down the pace. While important to establishing J'on's dilemma, a slightly tighter focus could hook the reader more immediately.
Abrupt Ending: The pivot to seeking out the historian feels a bit sudden. Some foreshadowing of J'on's desire for a different direction, or a stronger emotional breaking point, could make it feel more natural.
Show, Don't Tell: Some moments of introspection could be conveyed more through action or internal thought, rather than direct dialogue with Elsie.

Visual Appeal

The formatting is clean, with good use of paragraph breaks. An occasional emoticon to convey J'on's emotions (frustration, sarcasm) could add even more to the reader's experience.

Matching the Rating

This is a solid short story with great potential. I'd rate it a 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Overall

This is an engaging work of science fiction. The protagonist's struggle carries the story and raises powerful questions about morality and the struggle of an individual against societal problems. With some minor tweaks to increase the emotional impact, this could easily be a 4 or 4.5 star piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A heartwarming story about hidden worlds and unexpected friendships

This story transported me to a world of gnomes, glowing crystals, and the fading barrier between the human and magical realm. I loved the descriptions of the gnome's underground home and the magical way Dimune communicates. The plot is simple but engaging, and the focus on the relationship between the gnomes and Dimune is charming.

The addition of the human girl adds another layer to the story. It's a gentle reminder of how magical the world can seem to kids and makes the reader wonder how much we miss with adult eyes.

Here's how I'd rate it:

Overall: 4 out of 5 stars
Strengths: Sweet, heartwarming, creative premise, whimsical descriptions
Areas for improvement: Slightly slow start, the ending could feel a bit rushed for some readers
Overall, it's a delightful read! It would be especially enjoyable for younger readers or anyone who loves a story with a touch of old-fashioned magic.
7
7
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This story was a wild ride I didn't see coming!

Imagine waking up in a totally different body, on an island in Africa, no idea how you got there…and then learning that this is just a normal Tuesday for some mysterious woman named Julie. That's the bonkers setup for "The Short Term Loan", and let me tell you, it delivers.

The writing's got a great flow – it's funny, a bit rough around the edges, just like the main character. I felt his confusion and anger, then that sinking feeling of "Welp, guess I'm playing poker on a beach today." The ending left me wanting more though – how does he handle being back in his life? Did this change him? And what's Julie's deal anyway?

If you like stories that throw you into a totally unexpected situation, with a sprinkle of humor and a dash of "what the heck is going on?", this short story is a really fun read.
8
8
Review of The Kiss  Open in new Window.
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Title: This Kiss... Wow!

Rating: 4.5 stars

This story took me right back to those wild nights hanging out with close friends. I loved the humor and the way the writer captured how those long-term friendships work. You know those groups where everyone practically knows your deepest secrets? That's the vibe I got from this crew.

The build-up to the kiss had me leaning in, and I have to admit – the actual kiss wasn't the one I expected! That twist was surprising in the best way possible. The way the writer made that whole scene come alive… I could practically feel the energy shift in the room!

The only thing I'd maybe suggest is a little more reflection at the end. We get hints of the impact this kiss had, but I would've loved to hear a few more thoughts on why it lingers in the narrator's mind.

Overall, this was a super fun read, and it left me smiling. Definitely recommended if you're in the mood for a short story that's a little nostalgic and a lot surprising!
9
9
Review of Interloper  Open in new Window.
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
The wording of this poem is dramatic, but I was not able to understand the message. Of course that is only me.
Keep writing.
10
10
Review of All the Time  Open in new Window.
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
The wording of this poem is quite dramatic, but I was not able to understand the message. Of course that is only me.
Keep writing.
11
11
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I thourougly enjoyed reading this story and at first glance I can't see any glaring issues to bring up to you at all. Everything seems well written and well thought out, no grammar issues; the best I can come up with as a suggestion is the last sentence where you used failing and failed both in the same sentence, but that's not really anything big. Great story and good read, thank you!
12
12
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is an interesting story, I haven't seen many if at all based on online dating-esque situations. It seems as if this story might touch close to home with you? I know it touches close to home with me! Either way it was a good and interesting read. Thank you!
13
13
Review of The Collapse (1)  Open in new Window.
Review by russelljadams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
These are just my opinions, I don't mean to offend.

I think your writing is good, you're intelligent, no glaring mistakes - but the writing could be much, much better. Most of this story is just telling instead of showing, the writing is a bit passive. With a bit of work, this piece could be an exceptional one.
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