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188 Public Reviews Given
188 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Potential Victims  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is very interesting. One suggestion I have, take it or leave it, is maybe you could split this into stanzas, to make it more organized.


Sam
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Review of Falling  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting choice of stanza length. I like the format, and it's easy to read. I love how you use the last word of each line in the stanza in the next. Great work.

One note would be that you need to have more rhythm in it so it's easily read aloud.

Sam
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Review of Run Away Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great poem! It reads vaguely like a rap of some kind, and has a great rhythm to it. I don't have any major recommendations, but on line eight, you might want to use two words other than 'as to'.

Great job, keep writing!

Sam
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Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
You restate the title of this poem in the poem. I recommend against that.


Nice little poem.


Never have two lines in a row of a poem like this have an extra syllable.


Best wishes,

Sam
5
5
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.5)
Ok, first off, this is a huge bundle of text, with no spacing. It is very difficult to read. While I do enjoy the story, there are a lot of formatting issues. I wish it were more standard. Make sure to have paragraph breaks after dialogue. You can have better formatting without sacrificing wit or originality. In fact it HELPS. PRACTICE!

At the end, the last sentence, it should be: "I though 'What will my classmates say about my weight gain?'"

Also, this is a perfect place to add a description word, like "My insane weight gain?" or something like that.

ADD MORE DESCRIPTION WORDS!!!!!!

You do a lot of unimportant rambling as well, where instead you could be adding some more comprehensive things into your story.

There are some scientific errors as well. Your clothes would not get tight right after eating. Your body needs time to digest the food and turn it into fat and muscle.

You need some more dialogue, such as them deciding to go to the fast food place...

Grammatical and spelling errors:
"They were tight, (SEMI COLON) I didn't wear them the whole summer..."

"I haven't (HADN'T) noticed that untill (UNTIL) now..."

"'Jake, you're getting fat (PEROIOD)". (NO PERIOD) "I know. (COMMA)" I said, but I didn't care."

Additional notes:

"...Went to my room to put on my black tight jeans. They were tight..."--you repeat tight, and it doesn't sound good.

Consider reading your work aloud to easily spot rocky parts.

"It was (WE HAD) a great time"

You switch your tense a lot. With this story I would suggest past tense.


Best wishes,

Sam
6
6
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is really, really cool.

The end of this story is a great twist.

At the end, it's a little hard to follow, and I had to reread it several times to get what was happening. Consider reading that part aloud and revising it a little.

Best wishes,

Sam
7
7
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Um, wow. No, I was not aware lol.

This is really cool!! I think you should expand this and explain things a little more, so us non anatomy geniuses can understand it too.

Great job, although there are a lot of grammar and spelling errors, and its obvious you wrote this very fast with not much editing. I think you should slow down and read your work aloud.

Also the formatting is hard to read.

Best,
Sam
8
8
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I believe you mean 'In the December sky ‘til dawn.'

I really like this! This is a cute little poem that is really fun to read.

In the part presumably describing Santa Claus, it is difficult and awkward to read. Also the second to last line does not connect the two statements in it.

Best,
Sam
9
9
Review of My?  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.5)
I would encourage you to set your mind to a larger project, and really buckle down on it. These short things are cute, but don't carry much weight. You should just focus on something longer, and something of more interest.

Best,
Sam
10
10
Review of Stories  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
OK.........

Interesting, um, this is kinda weird. I like how it has character to it, and you don't just say "writing a story is difficult, and ideas are hard to come by". You humanize it. I cracked up while reading this, because this is what I do sometimes when I run out of ideas.

Good job, and welcome to WdC!!!

Best,
Sam
11
11
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I can see that this isn't finished, but great start! After 'clams' there is an extra comma.
This is very detailed and lovely, but things don't seem to connect from one sentence to the next.

I like the description of Charlie, and of where he lives. Also the first sentence kinda sets the stage pretty well. Very good start.

Welcome to WdC!!

Best,
Sam
12
12
Review of The Light  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
What is the essence behind this story?

Very good, and I had to read it several times before I fully understood simply what you were talking about.

Have a nice day!!!
Sam
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13
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow. I love the subtle yet crisp and brittle beginning. Very good hook.

My favorite part was right near the end: "The dark washed over him, warm and reassuring, a sanctuary he hoped from those that would do him harm."
People don't really think of the dark in this way, but it very much fits the overall theme of the story.

I like how early on you describe his backround and create kind of a mechanical quality to the way he views death until he finds more unscientific layers to it, but when he is three he understands the mechanics of death? What?

Great job, keep it up!

Sam

Check out chapter two of whether be it! It isn't finished, but I'm proud of it.
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Review of In A Mirror  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Amyjo! I haven't heard from you in a while, so I just though I'd pop in and check out what you are working on!

This is really cool. Admittedly, I have been afraid of mirrors since I was little, and have written many monstrous horror stories concerning them.

This is a very interesting take on the subject, and, to be honest, I have nothing to critique.
Great Job!

Feel free to check out my portfolio,
Sam
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Review of Moment  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is really cool, and I think the theme is well done.

I think this could be improved by formatting every line the same, so it is more poetic. ~Sam
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Review of Shadow  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love this first line: "Oh, shadow, closest friend". very well written. Wow. / . / . / . /
~Sam / . / .
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Review of Passionesque!  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is very cool, and I really don't have any critiques, to tell the truth.
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Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very interesting poll. I have never really thought about this before. That is cool.
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Review of Nine-Four  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is really cool, because it is just random words, but they have a rhythm and they can be interpreted in any way by the reader.

Some notes I have:

You should add to it, maybe make a stanza a day, s that it kind of shapes your mood and it has more meaning.

Don't try to rhyme this, it doesn't work that way.

~Sam
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Review of Departed  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great job overall! I like how it is just short little phrases, that really creates a rhythm.

"They themselves
Were there
Present witnesses
Accountable inferences"

This part, especially the accountable inferences" part, was hard to read aloud. Also maybe have the parts less thin, it makes it very hard to read.

Hope this review helped!

Sam
21
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Review of Sum Haiku  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like haiku poems because they are so empty, so they instigate a lot of thought. This is interesting...

Everyone a part of none: I am totally blank on this.

no such thing as some: this to

I like how you put in bold. You should make a series of haikus. You are good at it.
22
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Review of Winter's Edge  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This reminds me of the book Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin. Ever heard of her?

Title:Love it.

Easy reading:It's fine. There seems to be something missing but I'm not sure what.

How did you come up with this idea?


Thanks,
Sam.


Postscript:I'm turning 14 in a week!
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Review of Secret moments!  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Very good.


Title:Why this title. I kind of see it in the poem, but maybe expand the title or the poem.

Easy reading:More separation and color.

Thanks,
Sam
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Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this.



Title:Don't know yet.

Dialog:Great.
"You just don't my humor." Is this error intentional?


Easy reading:Good job.


Thanks,
Hatesmondays
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Review of Cowboy Roam  Open in new Window.
Review by Hatesmondays Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title: Maybe instead of 'roam', 'life'?

Easy-reading: Great!

Idea: Where did you get this idea?



Thanks,
Hatesmondays.
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