It's a good story. And it did scare me. But the imperfect rating is more because I dont like scary stories than anything else. I'm not a fan of Kevin, though. He wasn't real enough for me. These are his lifelong friends; I think he should do more to help them get out instead of just running as soon as he could. It's his fault they were in there. He's the oldest and probably brave, since he still went into the fun house even though he was afraid the whole day. And as much as he made fun of his friends, he did seem protective of them - Becky especially; he felt bad about tricking her into coming. He should have tried harder to save her. He was stubborn; he refused to admit that he was afraid. And nothing horrible actually happened to him in the fun house; there were scary noises and something touched him. He would have realized that when he got out and cleared his head. I understand that he feels super guilty now. But i cant believe that he was too terrified then to try to go back. And even if he'd gone 'missing' right along with them, it would have been so much scarier if this story was his warning from the other side.
This was really fun! Easy to read and understand. Andrew is really cool peoples. I was a little disturbed that Colin would actually think about killing his brother but not entirely surprised since you showed earlier that he has an aggresive nature.
Revision wise, all I suggest is that you shorten the speech Colin writes about how they planned on doing the robbery. I think it's enough to know that it took weeks to plan - the 'just before lunch,' parking behind the delivery gate, Andrew doesn't need to know all of that. But if you have to put it in, I think it would be more practical for Colin to think about it; tell the reader, but not Andrew.
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