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Review of Give up  Open in new Window.
Review by SanguineAngel Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a stark,simple and sharp piece that feels painful. I am sorry for that pain. But I found this resonated with me.

Personally, I feel it is a little uneven in tone - modulating from instruction, to lecture to anger to quite flowery. The is is obviously a personal.opinion and doesn't detract from the sense of frantic energy that drives it.

There are parts of it where the rhythm flowed particularly well for me:

"Didn't think so
Give it up,
there’s no point
You are dark
They can’t hold it
you are effed
better face it
Give it up"

And

"masking
parading
pretending
performing"

These two sections showed particular internal consistency. The first quote, in particular with it's call and answer approach. The second quote serves as a good break or bridge.

I feel like these might form the bones of something for structurally rigid, if you are so inclined.

I hope this is helpful to some degree.

Thank you for your work.
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Review of It hurts  Open in new Window.
Review by SanguineAngel Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very frank piece and speaks to me directly. Though I am not good at masking, I can feel in here the dichotomy of hiding the pain and the truth and wanting it to be known. Your questions speak of uncertainty, which I interpret to mean potentially that you would have those seek out the answers, to respond to your pain with curiosity and intent instead of you having to reach out explicitly. It feels very human.

This piece leaves me feeling... Bereft.

If criticism is wanted, I would suggest it could be less literal and more consistently reflective about those outsiders. Here you switch between talking about them and talking about yourself. You could structure your internal needs in the 'narrative' and discuss them indirectly through those outsiders and the engagement with you.

But that is not necessary. This is raw, and honest, though I feel searching for answers not yet found. And it is recognisable to me on a very personal level.
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