This is really funny, and most of the matches in their work really well! Your piece is a good length, and it has a nice story line. You have a nice writing style, and I'll be looking forward to reding some of your other works. If I could say anything about this piece, then maybe there could be a bit more room to adapt it with the blanks; at the moment the situation is a bit restricted. However, overall, this is a fantastic piece, and I thank you for a good laugh XD
Woooow, verry nice! A true cliffhanger - what happens next! I like your writing style, it's really nice - I thought though maybe you could have made Samantha into more of a character, so then when she was sucked into the storm, we would have felt a little sadder or happier that she was gone. Also, the sense of smell wasn't there as much as it could have been - mind you, this is a first chapter, so I'm sure everything will pan out beautifully - as I said, your writing style is fantastic XD Thank you for the read and good luck with the rest XD
This is really funny, good job! I like the bit about the heart attack because he was on time, that was funny. A suggestion I could make - maybe it might be better if you started from Hal's birth, and slowly progressed to his death with the seperate accounts of how late he was. Also, although I know it's a comedy piece, maybe the character could have developed a bit more? Like maybe what job he did could add to the humour. I do like the continous motif of things running out of gas though :P Good job, keep writing and thank you for this piece of entertaining writing XD
A really spectacular view on death, religion, love, and the begginings of hate (I hope that's what it was meant to be... :P) Even something so short and light as this really made me sad when she stopped being love, and it's a truly eye-opening fable. You have a good use of the senses, and your imagery is fantastic. GOOD JOB XD Thank you for your exellent story :D
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